Post # 1
I’m in a rut lately. A little background for those who might not be aware.
My Fiance is a dump truck driver and during the summer he works days and nights 6 days a week. So basically he works from Sunday night straight throught Sat morning. He goes to work at night, comes home around 4am (sometimes), sleeps until 5:30am, goes back out to work his day shift, comes home to sleep around 6pm, gets up t 9pm and goes back out and does it all over again. So basically during this entire work week, I see him maybe like 5 minutes a day, I get 2-3 kisses and that’s it.
At the beginning of the summer craziness I always tell myself I’m not going to nag, I’m not going to complain, etc…. but after a month of this I’m done! It’s not the fact that it’s his job, because I know he loves it and during the winter months, there’s no work unless there’s snow and for the past 2 years, well we haven’t had THAT much snow. What bugs me is that I get ignored, I don’t get nothing, not even a kiss, a hello, nothing. Our Saturdays are doomed because he catches up on his sleep so we end up staying home and do nothing. I spend all my time in front of my computer and watching movies by myself because his sleeping. Sometimes I don’t feel like his Fiancée, I feel more like a roomate 🙁
He doesn’t get it, I’ve told him when he leaves in the morning before me, give me a kiss. His answer, why you’re sleeping? So, at least you leave the house knowing that you gave me a kiss no?!?! (am I silly here?). When I leave in the morning and he’s sleeping, or when I go to bed and he’s sleeping, I always give him a kiss, it makes me feel better knowing that I left the house and I kissed him.
Our sex life is non existing. I miss it 🙁
Sigh…. sorry if this was long, I just needed to let it out. Is there any Bees out there who have gone through something like this?
Post # 3
My Fiance and I are on different schedules and I always leave the house while he’s still sleeping. Once I found out that it bothered him, I started waking him up and kissing him good-bye. He falls right back asleep after and I love saying good-bye to him. Would doing something like that work for you guys?
Post # 4
I know it’s hard, but just think of why he’s doing it and it’s to give you guys a better life. Darling Husband doesn’t work crazy hours like your Fiance but he does work 4 nights a wekk after working all day long so I get bored and lonely and seem to take it out on him. Then I just remind myself why he is working so hard and it becomes much harder to get angry.
Post # 5
I’m sorry, I can see how that can wear on you — even though you know why, and even though it’s not something that you can change without impacting you financially in a bad way. I wish I had better advice. All I can offer is a (((HUG)))
Post # 6
Wow you Fiance only gets 4 1/2 hours a sleep a day?! Is this forever? You can get very sick from that!
Okay so anyways, wow this really is difficult, I’m so sorry ! His lack of time and existence is taking its toll on you 🙁
If this is something that will be permanent during summers, than I guess you will have to just be really honest with him about your desires both sexually and emotionally. Perhaps he can carve out a little time over the weekend for you and him…even if its just laying around in bed or on the couch, order takeout, cook a dinner for two at home, etc.
You don’t want to keep going on like this because the resentment will likely explode into something you don’t really mean.
Post # 7
@Jenniferk6: If I wake him up, I’ll never hear the end of it, since he doesn’t get that much sleep, when he sleeps that’s all he wants to do but I’ll keep that in mind.
@roxy821: I know he’s doing this for both of us and specially for the wedding. Him working hard doesn’t bother me, I love him for doing that, it’s the fact that I don’t get any loving (that’s the only word I can think of to describe it)
@blu77: Thanks for the hugs, I’ll take those any time.
Post # 8
Fiance works on the road for weeks at a time in the summer, so I am basically in the same boat as you are…. I completely get it. Sit down and let him know your feelings, talk it out together. Get away for a weekend…Make it a priority to reconnect. Kissing, hugging and saying I Love You is so very important.
Post # 8
That is really tough! I’m not in this position, but I can only imagine how stressful it can be.
My only advice is to tell him again how important that goodbye kiss is to you.
And when you do get time, make sure to get as much of that loving as possible!
Post # 9
I can definitley understand the straining schedule thing… not to that extreme, but until this week Darling Husband has had a schedule were he leaves very early, gets home about 6 only to start working on ministry stuff… most of which would leave him up till about 1130 just to make it to bed to wake up again at 530..
Me see him during the week was just me seeing him work… or edit.. and didn’t get any kind of “time” with him.
I think you and your Fiance really need to talk it through though.. most guys don’t realize that they really have the harder job in the relationsihp by going out a working like they do BUT still having to come and make thier investment into the relationship.. otherwise over time it falls apart.
If I were you, I’d sympathize with his schedule, affirm that you know it’s not forever, but also make clear that there are certain things that you need to feel close and connected in the relationship.. ie. a kiss good bye in the morning, etc
Oh and if this helps…. Darling Husband gives me a kiss before he leaves in the morning and yes I’m still very much so asleep BUT it’s like I’ve gotten so used to it that I usually kinda wake up and then when he leaves go back to sleep sleep… SO you can tell yours that just b/c you’re still in bed doesn’t mean that you won’t notice 😉
Hope you can get it worked out =)
Post # 10
@Eva Peron: It is only during the summer months thank god cuz I don’t think I could go through this all year long. When the summer begins, it goes well, he’s mindfull and more attentive to me. As the summer goes on, he forgets that I’m here. If I remind him, I’m nagging all the time, so I stop doing it.
@Kristenna: this week-end we’re going camping to kinda reconnect a bit. I tell him I love you everyday, cuz if I don’t, he doesn’t say it, ahhh men!
@tranquility: thanks for the hugs 🙂
@runsyellowlites: thanks for the hugs and the comment.
I’ve told him that eventhough I might be sleeping when he kisses me, I can still feel him giving it to me. He did it for 2 mornings, and then nothing. So I asked him how come no kiss this morning, his answer “you’re gonna keep breaking balls about the kisses?”. Yeah I know he’s on lack of sleep, moody, grumpy, but geezz… really?!? Thanks for listening to me ladies.
Post # 11
@couawilou: Next time you guys are together on a Sunday, try to have a short conversation about the kisses. Tell him that you are not asking to break his balls, but that you miss him and those kisses are your only physical connection with him during the summer, which is hard for both of you. Be honest about your feelings, and emphasize how mucgh happier something as quick as a kiss goodbye in the morning can make you. Good luck dear *hugs*
Post # 12
@sarahbabs: thank you, maybe this week-end while we’re away from everything I’ll bring it up to his attention.
Post # 13
Yeah, I would talk to him like some of the other bees have mentioned and say “hey, it really bothers me that you don’t wanna kiss me before you leave. I know I may be sleeping but it still means a lot to me” Maybe start designating some period of the week during this crazy time that you do something together once a week, even if that something is that he and you watch a movie in the house together so he can still relax.
Fiance and I, we definitely kiss each other no matter what time the other has to get up. We are both super sad if it doesn’t happen in the morning and it will almost ruin our day! lol, we’re pathetic.
Post # 14
@SleepingWithNuns: that’s how I am, when I don’t get a kiss I’m all blah and something doesn’t feel right.