(Closed) I’m feeling left behind, as well as a whole range of other emotions–HELP!

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
286 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Honestly I’ve never felt that way. I will be 28 when we get married, FH will be 32. God willing I fully plan on living to be 100 years old. So instead of thinking about trying to “catch up” to other people I remind myself how much time we have left to do things together 🙂

Life is too short to feel like you are missing out on it when you’re still young.

Post # 4
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

I think you are totally valid with every emotion you are feeling, and you have every right to feel this way.  I personally have not gone through it, as hubs and I have chosen not have children. 

I would also be hurt by not being called “Aunt” in referring to your SIL’s child. I was an Aunt to hubs nephews and niece, even though they were all born before we got married. the oldest is 7.5, and we have been together since he was just under 1. As far as he remembers, I have always been Aunt to him.  Same with our niece (5) and nephew (2). We are actually our youngest nephew’s godparents as well.

((HUGS)) I know its tough. But just try to think that these are all stepping stones to the future, and by the time you have kids, hopefully some of the little ones will be able to babysit 🙂

Post # 5
Member
1326 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Tre Bella, Mesa, AZ

Wait until all your friends and family with kids start getting divorced. Just kidding. I’m in my 30s, and there are A LOT of things friends and family in your age group will start doing before you (buying a house, getting a masters, having kids…). Just remind yourself life’s not a race, and you will be better off waiting for big life changes to do them at your pace. 🙂

Post # 6
Member
3314 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

It’s not that it’s about a race, it’s the frustration for waiting for the right time/for things to happen.  At least that’s how I see it.  My husband and I have been trying to conceive for over a year, and I go through a whole gamut of feelings everytime I hear about yet another friend that’s pregnant or just gave birth.  I felt that way when I was watching all of my friends get married and was sitting there without a boyfriend to even consider.  Your feelings are all valid and boy if you can figure out a way to NOT feel them, then you should patent it!

Just try and put it in perspective (that’s what helps me the most)… there are lots of ladies (myself included for that matter) that didn’t/don’t find their FI/FH until much later in life.  I was 33 when I met my husband.  I’ve never been married before yet had all those dreams of being married with kids by 25, etc.  For me I have to realize that there are other people going through much worse then me – miscarriages, longer years of trying, etc.  It’s not easy, not at all.

*hugs*  You’ll get there!

Post # 7
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I’m sorry.  It is very normal to feel the way you do.  I am getting married at 29 to a 32 year old.  Honestly there is something to be said about the person who joked about all the people who got married early, but will be getting divorced in their 30s.  About 1.5yrs ago I was super depressed every time I logged on FB and saw someone I went to HS with that was getting married or having a baby…some people who were 3-4yrs younger than me.  But then I went back for a mini college reunion with some sorority sisters and found that most of them who got married right out of college at 23 were already divorced.  I myself had a failed engagement when I was 24.  And some of my FH friends are on their second marriages.  It takes time and will happen when it does.  There are a lot of things you can enjoy now before you start that point of your life.  Living on your own can be very rewarding, eating what you want, doing what you want on your schedule, decorating the way you want and finding friends and a support system outside of your guy and his family is always important.  About the whole not calling you “aunt” thing…do you have a good realtionship with your Fiance family?  My sister has always refered to my FH as “uncle” with her kids after the engagement.  The bond thing might not be there initially.  I had an imediate bond with my sisters kids…I think it was a bilogical or chemical recognition that they were a part of my family.  I definitely didn’t feel that way about my FH niece and nephews initially, but now I love and feel protective of them.  It may just be a bond that comes with time.  Any issues you have with the parents…even a small annoyance or resentment that they got married before you might effect how you didn’t feel that initial bond.  Just realize that now-a-days most people wait until their late 20s early 30s to get married, especially if they went to school and have careers.  These extra years will give you a chance to better yourselves, grow and mature, save financialy, and build a strong base to start your married life on.

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