(Closed) I'm feeling my relationship falling apart. A little advice?

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
30 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2014

Wow! I think you owe it to yourself and HIM, totell him your concerns, you have only known him a short time. I know the thrill when meeting someone new…but to move in together? Wow! Talk to him .. maybe, its just the time not spent that needs to change…good luck either way..and sorry that it hasnt turned out the way you thought it should ( what were your expectations?)

Post # 5
Member
240 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Holy, that was a lot. I think the biggest thing is that you’re not communicating. When you were apart before you were emailing daily. Why not go back to that? Since you both work a lot it’s hard to find alone time but keeping the spark isn’t impossible.  Also dates and romance don’t have to cost anything, explain to him what you’re looking for and what you’re willing to do to keep the relationship alive. Good luck!

Post # 6
Member
349 posts
Helper bee

I think this could be saved. Maybe you’re not feeling “in love” because the reality is nothing like what you may have fantasized before you lived together.

 

Date nights don’t have to be about going out and spending money. Buy a bottle of wine and rent a movie. Just snuggle together on the couch for a few hours, enjoying one another’s company.

 

Have either of you thought of getting higher paying jobs? I know you both really enjoy what you’re doing, but if you’re struggling so bad money wise, maybe you should look for a job that’s going to keep you comfortably afloat for a while so you can get your bearings. You can still gig on the side and he can still perform, but as for the “living money” job, you need something more.

Post # 7
Member
856 posts
Busy bee

Ahhh, I want to comment when I’m on a computer and not my phone.

i moved to Brighton from Bolton after seeing him less than 15 times. That first year living together was HARD. He was a student, I worked at Starbucks on minimum wage… And our rent was £750 a month!! Then I got sick and couldn’t work… Man, it was tough. We fought a lot, but soon the hard times were over and we got through it. We’ve been together 5 years now.

if you don’t love him anymore, then leave him. But don’t mistake hard times for lack of love. I’m so happy we got through it together. We always used to say “it will always get better than this!” and we were so right xxx

Post # 9
Member
106 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

It sounds to me like a lot of your struggles relate to finances and working so hard to make ends meet.  Is there any way for you to find a less expensive place to live to relieve the pressure on BOTH of you? 

No relationship can survive without nurturing and quality time together, in whatever form that may take.

I don’t think it’s fair to account any of the dread that you feel when you look at him to problems within the relationship.  It doesn’t sound like anyone is disrespecting the other, there is hope….

The way I see it, you’ve got two choices here.. make more money or find a way to reduce your monthly costs.

Post # 10
Member
263 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Wow, I don’t know if I could have bounced back from the gambling incident. That is huge! I live with my boyfriend, and when I get discontent and bored I let him know. He usually turns things up a notch for awhile. And, to be honest, just getting the negative feelings off my chest, and saying what I have been thinking, helps a ton.

Remember, you can have sweetness and affection without spending money. Next time he wants to have sex, tell him to make you want it too. Guys can get really creative when that’s at stake, lol.

 

Post # 13
Member
229 posts
Helper bee

I think all of these negative thoughts are just coming from being stressed.

I know during the time when finals come around, my brain starts getting like this. Sex is the LAST thing on my mind when I have school projects to worry about. Usually we have a cruise booked ourselves for the week after the semester gets out for the summer and we catch up on it all.

Just focus on getting through the bad times and I think you will be happy with the result. 

Post # 14
Member
1329 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I think you’re seriously hurting yourself and your relationship by not expecting your boyfriend to man up and get a better job (or two). He has some nerve being upset that you’re EXHAUSTED when he wants to have sex. Seriously? I’d be so angry!!

Figure out how much money the two of you need to make to be comfortable. They figure out how each of you can contribute to that bottom line. If he’s not making enough money to live, he doesn’t get to have his cutesy fun job. That’s not how adulthood works! That “job” is called a HOBBY!

 

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