- 5 years ago
- Wedding: December 2014
I guess this is just a vent post, but if anyone has been in a similar situation, I’d love to hear I’m not alone!
I’m getting married in December. It’s a small destination wedding, and we’ve had the date set for two years. My pparents are excited and supportive, and have planned to pay for my sister to be there as well. She just turned 19, and I asked her to be my maid of honor shortly after I got engaged. Basically, it’s going to be a simple affair. All I requested of her was to help collect brooches (I’m doing a brooch bouquet) and to help me make my bouquet and hers- really I didn’t want the help so much as I thought it would be a fun way to bond with her a bit. We live in different states and don’t get to see each other much. I also wanted to go dress shopping for her dress with her- thought it would be fun.
A year ago, she came up to visit me for a week, and it was a disaster. I don’t want to attack her personality too much, but she’s young and immature and a narcissist. She didn’t want to do anything with us, she didn’t respect our house (leaving dishes everywhere, yelling at the dog, reprogramming your cable box), she stayed up late with her then boyfriend on Skype and then slept in all day, was annoyed if we made plans, etc. It was a nightmare. At this time, she didn’t have any interest in wedding planning so we didn’t do any.
A couple of months ago, I came home for 5 days. She knew about it well in advance and had to work one day I was there, but I had hopes we would get to spend some time together and do some wedding stuff. Unfortunately, it was more of the same- she “wasn’t hungry” when we all went out to eat, but when returned, left to go eat dinner with friends. When my mom and I went on a hike, she was too tired and her knee hurt, yet she asked my dad if he wanted to hike later. The excuses just got flimsier and flimsier as my trip went on. I actually spent zero time alone with her, and about one hour the night before I left-my dad actually forced her to go out to dinner with us as a family.
So, I was angry and frustrated and deeply, deeply hurt. I hadn’t done anything to her before all this, and I don’t know where tthis all came from. But she’s supposed to be my sister, and my expectations really were quite low, and she still wants nothing to do with me. Honestly, the wedding is secondary. (I should mention however that at the time we set our date, she was planning to go to University of Chicago, which has a very rigorous academic calendar. She actually demanded that I set our date around her school schedule, and I did. That’s a big part of the reason we’re getting married on December 20th, which is making my FI’s family upset. Anyway.)
So I deleted her from Facebook (petty, I know) after I got back home, and haven’t spoken to her since. My mom keeps asking me to “be the bigger person” and reach out to her, but I don’t feel like I should have to, considering how she’s behaved. All I want is her to apologize and maybe consider being happy for me and all will be forgiven. But she hasn’t made a move, and she blew off her appointment to go get her passport. At this point, I’m glad, because I don’t want her at my wedding if she’s going to act this way. I don’t want be hurt and upset on my wedding day, and I don’t want her to cause friction when just try to spend time with my family that week. I’m sad, though, because it feels like a huge rejection and I really just want her to be there and happy for me. My parents have also already put a deposit on her room and booked her ticket there, so they will be taking so hit financially if she doesn’t come.
At this point I have no expectation that she’ll be able to play nice and put on a dress and stand up for me, but I’m terrified she’ll end up coming and ruin the whole thing. And I wish she wouldn’t come at all, but it feels so wrong to feel that way. I don’t know.
Sorry if this was a long convoluted mess-it just feels cathartic to write it down.