(Closed) I'm (Fiancee) not invited?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 108
Member
1504 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@katjahh:  Good for you!  I hope that it gets better with time, but they just seem like nasty people that I wouldn’t waste much time/energy on. 

Post # 109
Member
4655 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

It’s a weird rule but since she’s happy to or atl east OK to have you there as “guest” clearly it’s not really all that bad, considering. Just weird formatting. Kind of annoying but the high road is clearly to go and enjoy yourself and be sweet and ignore it.

 

Post # 110
Member
178 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

I dont think his family could not like you enough to snub you and that he wouldnt have herd anything about it by now.

Post # 112
Member
4304 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Okay correct me if I am reading this wrong…

 

1. They sent a formal invite to your Fiance that is basically stamped John Smith; not John Smith and Jane Doe

 

2. But did not exclude you entirely from the wedding as he is allowed a +1

 

I have to say that although her thinking might be unconventional on the Bee, she was consistent and if you were married, I am confident she would have put Mr & Mrs John Smith.

 

And at the end of the day, it’s just a name on the envelope (in this situation).  However, it does sound like there is an obvious longstanding issue with his family that may need to be addressed.  I don’t think responding with snark to assumed snark is the best way to go about it.

ETA: What the wha? 

I’m going to the wedding, I bought a really nice dress and I’m making my Fiance buy me some shoes an a bag. My mom is also going as a guest (I asked if she could go before I saw the invite… my Fiance hid it from me for a few weeks…

Post # 113
Member
405 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@TattedNYBride:  i said the exact same thing when i read it. wow

Post # 114
Member
4767 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@deetroitwhat:  +1

OP, what’s going on here?  Why is your Fiance hiding the invite?

You know his Fam treating you like crap is acceptable what’s not acceptable is your Fiance letting them, which he is.  This is a huge red flag IMO.

Post # 116
Member
509 posts
Busy bee

So let me first just say there are clearly issues with the bitchy sister/soon to be inlaws. Hands down, no argument … Something is up. Hope OP gets to the bottom of it.

 

That said, the only justifiable reason I can see for the bitc… I mean, S2BeSIL formatting the envelopes that way is because – couples (and yes, even engaged ones) do break up, and between the time an invite goes out to John Doe and Jane Smith, when the wedding rolls around and a seating chart is made (if they do one), John Doe might now be with Susie Que, and THAT might be a little awkward when they get to their seats. I don’t know though … I don’t attend many weddings, and while I have been married, it was an elopement (and stupid) decision so I can’t say from experience. 

 

And call me spiteful or whatever, but if I am not good enough to be named on the invite as your brother’s fiancé, I guess I am not good enough to bring a gift either. What a mighty ugly, dysfunctional family you are marrying into, you poor thing. I hope your fiancé is a damn good guy to make that nonsensical BS worth putting up with the few times a year you will have to.

Post # 118
Member
178 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

@katjahh:  I definatly scares me when you say “my Fiance hid it from me for a few weeks”. I would personally be livid about that with my Fiance.

 

 

Why did he do that? If it was an honest mistake whouldnt he just say something like “Oh this is weird they only put my name on it. It must be less/more formall addressing.” Because I dont know about your guy but my Fiance wouldnt even notice the envelope he would just notice that so and so is getting married and we need to get a hotel. 

 

 

I think this is a serious heart to heart conversation you need to have with your Fiance. Not a bad conversation but just a “Hey how does your family really feel about me?” and keep him talking for a while. If someones family doesnt like there SO then Im sure they’ve been told so. So you need to know what their beef is and make sure he doesnt keep something like this from you ever again. Not the hiding the invitation part but the his family not liking you part (if thats even the case). I would be more angry at being caught off gard then the family part. Because if you dont know you cant do anything about it like buying his mom flowers when you come over for the next holiday etc.

 

 

And there is a chance that the family is just a little flaky and addressed the envelope wrong. So dont let this put up a wall between you and his family. 

 


 

Lastly I have to ask, why did you bring your mom to someone elses wedding? I dont mean to hate but I as a bride would be really thrown off guard at one of my SIL’s bringing their mom unless she was a friend of mine. For example my youngest sisters Mother-In-Law is single, has no other family on this coast besides her son, and has done a lot of very nice things for our family. When our granny died she took some half finished crochet blankets and turned them into pillows so we could all enjoy them. Shes going to get an invite. However I would be completly thrown off by any of my other SIL / sisters asking to bring their moms.


 

Do you think that this could have been an issue for the bride? If not dont worrie about it Im just a random internet person. Sealed


Sorry I realized that you already answered a couple of my questions above buyt you get the drift.

Post # 119
Member
354 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Atalanta:  Right?! All I can do is laugh about it now. I am very happy that I get along with my current fiance’s family. They are all very laid back and social, nice people. I’m also pretty confident I will not be inheriting any FSILs like the last one lol.

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