(Closed) I’m from a small family, he’s from a big one! Lopsided wedding…

posted 11 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
16 posts

I am sort of in the same situation.  Our extended families are roughly comparable in size, but ALL of his live within four hours of us (most substantially closer) and ALL of them will accept their invitations.  Mine on the other hand are really spread out, include people I have not seen in 5+ years, and I expect only about half will end up coming.  He also has more friends he will want to invite than I do, excluding mutual friends (I tend to have a few very close friends instead of reams of casual friends).

However, I’m not bummed about it, for the simple reason that I love his family.  They feel like a part of my family already.  It’s not a "me vs. them" thing; it’s an us thing.  All the guests that will be attending are BOTH of our guests.  So maybe try to think of it that way?  They are only not your family for the duration of the ceremony, which isn’t long compared to the entire wedding. 🙂

Post # 18
267 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010 - Jewel Box in Forest Park and Windows on Washington

I’m getting married in STL as well!

Anyhoo…we have the same dilemma.  My family is very large and his is MUCH smaller.  We have just planned on telling the ushers to tell guests that they can sit on either side during the wedding ceremony.  I do not think the old fashioned rules of "Bride’s Side" and "Groom’s Side" are really that relevant (unless, of course, you are a true traditionalist).  If you still are afraid guests will flock to one side or the other, have the ushers TELL them what side to sit on.

And in regards to the receiving line…you are not required to do one, it’s your call.  We are inviting 250ish guests, and with most family and friends in town, we are expecting 225.  I am not really feeling the receiving line, as that is ALOT of guests to greet, so I can feel your pain.

Post # 20
152 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I come from a fairly large family. FH does not. he was a little upset by how uneven the numbers are, but my family is my family and i’m close to them all. We did our wedding in  CA instead of NJ b/c #1 my family numbers #2 his family COULD travel #3 CA is preferable in march than NJ is…

 The compromise is… as we are cutting the guest list, he gets to keep all his guests while mine gets cut… i think that makes it a little fairer, but he still is sad b/c many of his friends wont be able to make it.

 We hope to do an AT home casual bbq/shindig type deal so we can celebrate with his friends after the wedding as well!

Post # 21
117 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

My family is also really small, and my Fiance has a HUGE family on his mother’s side. Since we’re paying for the entire wedding ourselves, we’re setting a firm guest limit of 120. We’re making our friends guest list first (plus obvious immediate family members).. then the remainding number will be split between our families. It’s tradition on his mom’s side to invite everyone – 1st, 2nd, 3rd cousins, plus everyone’s kids, etc. My Future Mother-In-Law wants to invite 300 friends/family… even if she COULD pay for the difference we would say no. The large majority are people my Fiance doesn’t even know or remember.. he’s only ever seen them or heard of them at weddings when he was young. I don’t really care that they’re family and will be my family as well. Truth is, they’re no more of "family" than strangers on the street.

Post # 22
90 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I know what you mean. I have about 30 people I am going to invite and he has about 120(both of his parents are remaried). I am super worried about walking down the aisle and having it be like a show for his family. On top of that the wedding is in Wisconsin and my family is in Ohio. I bet that the majority of them won’t come. I know I can count on my mom and siblings but that is only 4 people lol. My uncle and grandma might come…. I already lost a bridesmaid due to the distnace, but come on! I am thinking about hiring actors to fill in some of the pews lol.

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