Post # 1
He asked, I said yes. I meant it. I still mean it. Front porch in 50 years with him. I’m excited. I don’t care about a spectacle, in fact I hate the idea of it. I don’t do pretty, in fact, I don’t hold a candle to my siblings or his family, and I’m not thin. I’ve no business trying to play the part of a gushing bride. I hate attention. He wants the wedding, and I sit up and cry because, just signing the papers would have been perfect for me. I’m not normal, I get it. And everyone tells me to get over it, but I just want to run and hide.
Post # 2
Sherlock1 : OK well, you don’t have to be excited about the wedding. So don’t worry if you aren’t (not sure if you are worried or not?) The bit you put about not holding a candle to your siblings or inlaws is likely nonsense. But it doesn’t matter why you don’t want a big to do if you don’t want it. You just don’t want it! Maybe you can compromise? You could have a smaller wedding? Elope with just immediate family or even just the two of you? One of the most BEAUTIFUL weddings I ever attended was just a small dinner party, maybe 8 people plus bride and groom. It was no more extravagant than the Sunday dinner the family always had.
Post # 3
You don’t have to be thin to have a beautiful wedding or to be a beautiful bride! The love between you will shine through you and onto your day!
But if you truly are not excited about a wedding, make it as easy and low key as possible. I hope you and your partner can compromise and work out a wedding day that you can both be excited about! (Maybe a court house morning ceremony and lunch with your nearest and dearest at your favorite restaurant afterwards or something like that!)
You should check out A Practical Wedding. You may find some ideas there that feel more YOU.
Good luck, and congratulations!
Post # 4
Your Fiance should compromise with you. You don’t want a wedding and he does so you should do something small and lowkey. You should not have to feel anxious about preparing for a large function you don’t even want to attend.
Engagement should be a happy time and wedding plans need to be changed if you aren’t happy.
Post # 5
I would definitely sit down and talk to your Fiance about a compromise. You can still have a wedding with your nearest and dearest without it becoming a huge spectacle. Both of you need to come up with a guest list of who absolutely must be at your wedding and go from there. You don’t need a huge party reception either. Take your guests our to a nice restaurant and call it a day.
Post # 6
Same here girl, same…
We compromised and are doing a 30 person wedding, but I’m not looking forward to it. I joke with my Mother-In-Law about keeping the attention OFF of me on that day.
But make the best of it. It is what it is.
Post # 7
You guys could do a fun elopement weekend. If you’re not big on planning, a quick search for “elopement package (your area)” should bring up some hits. Lots of cute bed and breakfast type places will do a wedding weekend for two for around $200-500. That way it’s special in a way that going to the courthouse might not be for him, but it takes the pressure of a big event off for you. Maybe a compromise you can look into?
Post # 8
I am in this exact same boat. I am not at all excited about the idea of a marriage. That’s why we will get married at City Hall with just our parents and each of our best friends. That’s it. I am looking so forward to being married and whenever I get stressed out, I just think about that.
Post # 9
Sherlock1 : I can relate to this, hon. Big hugs. I can’t count how many tears I shed over what seemed like my uselessness as a “gushing bride.”
I really wanted a small Destination Wedding in the Caribbean. My dad, brother and I loved our trips to Jamaica. They are the only guests I really want, plus my boss is a travel agent on the side and could have gotten us something fabulous that wouldn’t have broken the bank. But Fiance has a h-u-g-e family and wanted it local so they could be there. So here we are. 🙁
How long ago did you get engaged? We were engaged for almost 2 full years before I could get myself out of the paralysis and actually plan a damned wedding. In the end, we went with super-simple and small.
Take your time. Hang out on this forum, picture yourself in different scenarios. Check out all of the low-key options you have. I tried them all on for size in my head.
It helped that I went to family get-togethers – 2 Christmasses, actually – and sort of ran a few scenarios by the future inlaws. I got to know them all a bit better during that period, and they were very supportive of whatever we decided to do. I sure felt a heck of a lot more comfortable after that 2 year point than I did when we first became engaged.
Oh, and By The Way – I’m actually LOOKING FORWARD to my wedding! We think it’s going to be fun for everyone, including us.
(ETA) Oh, and thinness isn’t a qualification for being a gorgeous bride! There are plenty here who ain’t exactly size zero. There’s a dress to make you feel beautiful at any size or shape. <3
Post # 10
Our wedding is actually in 20 days with just family only, but I’m still anxious. I don’t look right in a dress. I’m built like a brick House. I have a very nice dress, it’s tea length, with wide shoulder straps and pockets. I told everyone I am wearing a certain pair of plain white flats because my mom made me promise not to to wear my steel toe boots….I lied, I am not doing that. I settled with steel toe converse shoes tho that I am hiding.i just honestly don’t feel right in a dress or trying to look pretty. I’m not. I live in my jeans, boots, sweater and ball cap. I am very uncomfortable with attention towards me. So we settled as best I could with him. He’s done the majority of all the planning because I just got upset and sick. It’s backyard, buffet style and a bonfire after. Still anxious
Post # 11
I also meant to say thankyou to all of you. I appreciate it
Post # 12
Sherlock1 : oh bee, you are going to be OK. You wear those steel toed shoes!!! This wedding is such a loving gesture to your Fiance, your setting your preferences aside for his sake. Just know as you go through it that at the end of the day the guests will go home and you will be with your Fiance. Blissfully with him, out of spotlight!
Post # 13
Sherlock1 : WOW!! So that’s the weekend of July 8? Congrats! Ours is Fri June 30. Looking forward to it, but also can’t wait for it to be over with.
We’re kind of doing the same thing: backyard, chicken/beef/salmon skewers and salads from a local restaurant, and pool party. Oh, and it’s our national holiday here in Canada, so we bought fireworks. Haha. Not sure how many people will be left at sundown, but hey, if it’s just a handful of us, no problem.
Rock those steel toes! I just saw another bride wearing combat boots in this thread: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/lets-see-your-non-traditional-bridal-shoe/ There are lots of cool/unusual shoes in that discussion.
You might not be thinking “pretty”, but your guests love you, and you’ll be a beautiful bride without tryiing. 😉 Consider sharing some pics afterward! Even if you want to block your face out for privacy.
Best of luck!
(Edited – oops, got threads mixed up.)
Post # 14
Sherlock1 : I wore combat boots under my wedding gown if that makes you feel less alone.
Post # 15
Rock your boots and pretend it’s any other fun bonfire/bbq night. My dream wedding!!