(Closed) I'm going crazy!!

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
23 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Oh my goodness. I am so sorry, that sounds terrible! I have to ask: Did she leave you guys stranded? It sounds like you are trying to do what’s best for the little guy and I’m sorry they aren’t being supportive of that. 🙁

Post # 4
Bee
82 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - Sodo Park

Hugs! 🙁

Post # 5
Member
297 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Whoa whoa whoa, the daughter slept in the same bed until she was 16?!? That’s messed! Perhaps this blowout will allow you to put some distance between you and a woman with obvious control and attachment issues. Hopefully your Fiance can deal with her; sorry you are going through this

Post # 6
Member
1691 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Regardless of what happened at lunch, it’s time to find new babysitters.  She is undermining you and your FI’s authority with his own child, and she is wrecking any progress you are making with his son.  If she cannot play by the parents’ rules, she doesn’t get to play.  That’s how I see it.  I hope that you have other options.

Her behaviour and the things she said to you are deal breakers to me.  I would no longer be on speaking terms with someone who not only said something so hurtful, but embarrassed me in public.

Post # 7
Member
179 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@lia22:  +1 everything said here.

@AdrenalineSunshine: I will look at the positive side, however, and say I’m happy your Fi is on the same page as you! and it’s amazing of you to love that child as your own knowing how important that is in a blended family (having grown up with my dad and step mom or ‘smom’ as I call her!). 

Overall, I think you and your soon-to-be (pretty much already) family will be happier and more confident being completely on your own. 

good luck! I hope the best for you and the boys (:

  

Post # 8
Member
135 posts
Blushing bee

Sleeping with mom and dad at 16 is weird. This does not sound like someone who should be giving parenting advise.

Grandma sounds like a big manipulative bully.  I get you need her for child care but grandma is taking advantage of this situation to push her idea of parenting on you and your Fiance. I suggest you find an alternative child care provided.  I know it’s crazy expensive but as long as grandma thinks she can control you and Fiance because you have no other child care options, she is going to undermind your parenting.  I think after a few weeks grandma will figure out you are serious. 

I think that grandma is just testing the waters to see what she can get away with in order to be in control of the kid.  What’s next,? She will insist on being the one to decide what he eats, who he plays with, what school he will attend etc.

 Show her you don’t need her and if she wants to see the kid she needs to get with the program. If you continue to let grandma manipulate you and the kid you are going to end up with a messed up kid because of the toxic environment grandma is creating. 

RED FLAG- She screamed at you in public in front of the kid.  This bahavior is manipulative,  shows what a bully she is and sets the example for the kid that if you don’t get what you want you get to scream at people until you get your way.  This is the perfect scenario for the kid to develop social and behavioral problems.   

Fiance needs to break it grandma that he is the dad and thanks for the help with the babysitting but that it just isn’t working out because she is making you the bad guys in this mess. 

 

 

Post # 9
Member
2263 posts
Buzzing bee

Soooo as someone who was personally co-bedded till I finished high school, it isn’t the oddest thing to do but it does have its own issues. My parents are loving and yes majorly controlling so I can understand how they will take your (FI and yourself) teaching your FI’s son to sleep on his own as you personally not understanding their own family culture. My parents didn’t seem to need privacy alone but very much valued family closeness and unity. So I think the best way to deal with it is have your Fiance explain that while this was something their family has done in the past and while he values their expertise, this isn’t something he wants his family to continue. 

If his parents are anything like mine, I feel like they’re very controlling and tempermental and can seem vidictive if they don’t get their way. I can definitely be an understanding ear 🙂 Feel free to PM if you need more specifics 

Post # 10
Member
2587 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - UK

I’m on your side here, in that I think co-bedding up to that age is weird. Hell, except in exceptional circumstances I feel that a kid should be sleeping in their own bed as soon as possible.

 

Not to sound odd, but have you ever watched or read anything by Jo Frost? She’s known best for ‘Supernanny’, but she has some really good techniques for teaching children to sleep in their own beds which don’t utilise a reward-system. The reward system is working, and that’s great, but as it’s something that can be a) undermined by Grandma (lucky you guys!) and b) difficult to wean off, it might be worthwhile checking her stuff out. She’s really really good.

I hope it all works out! I’m sorry you’re stuck in the middle of this.

 

Post # 11
Member
4313 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Whatta giant bitch, sorry that happened to you!  What did you fiance do?!

Post # 14
Member
23 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@AdrenalineSunshine:  I’m glad she didn’t leave you stranded! It seems very petty of her to not be willing to follow your Fiance and yours parenting strategies and even more petty to start demanding things back from you guys. I agree with everyone though, maybe it’s time to look for another babysitter.

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