(Closed) "I'm going to marry her anyway!"

posted 8 years ago in Traditions
Post # 33
Member
1019 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I think it would depend on the reason for saying no.  My parents love my Fiance and he knew they would say yes, so for us it was just a nice tradition and a way of including them in our lives.

If my parents had legitimate reservations (for example, the guy being abusive, them knowing something about him that they didn’t feel the need to tell me until it got to the point of marriage, etc.) then I would have to really consider what to do. If it was some random reason and they just didn’t like him that much, I would definitely marry him anyway.

Post # 34
Member
2354 posts
Buzzing bee

@MrsPanda99:  I would be extremely upset if my parents disapproved of my SO and were reticent to our marriage. But I think if they would feel that way, they would have solid reasons to oppose. My parents have always been very respectful of my decisions. They’re still in touch my ex, and they embraced my Fiance as their son as soon as they met him. It is very hypothetical, but if my parents opposed to our engagement, I have to admit, I’d seriously question comitting to my SO, because it would be so unusual for them to act like that, that I would ask myself if they know something about SO (cheating ?) that I don’t. 

But if they were opposing just to be childish and manipulative, then no, it would not stop me from marrying the love of my life. 

Post # 35
Member
1580 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

@NauticalDisaster:  +1! 

My SO and I actually had this “talk to my parents” conversation just a few days ago. I basically asked him to talk to my parents before proposing because they would love and appreciate the gesture. I’m very much a grown woman and make my own decisions so if they were to say no just to be petty (if they were that kind of people – luckily they’re not) I wouldn’t even ask him to talk to them. 

Post # 36
Member
170 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I actually think if my DH had asked my Dad permission his response would be “if you think she’ll say yes, ask!” He would never put me in the position of having a boyfriend propose because he’s given his ‘blessing’ and make an awkward situation for me if I wanted to say no! 

Post # 37
Member
5360 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

I asked my Fiance to ask dad just for the tradition of it. We both already knew Dad loves him. He talks all the damn time about how happy he is both his daughters found men who love them and treat them so well. Dad is a super emotional guy, so I knew he’d like it. Plus, they haven’t had a ton of time together, so I figured it would be kind of a bonding experience for them. 

Dad was super excited and very proud of himself for keeping the secret from my sister (for all of three days :P). 

I don’t think we would have gotten to the point of even possibly considering marriage if my dad didn’t approve. Not because I can’t do something against his wishes, but because he’s one of my best friends and his opinion matters to me. All my close friends LOVE my Fiance too- so while I definitely didn’t “need” their permission or approval, them approving did confirm I wasn’t somehow totally stupid and oblivious to my FI’s faults. 

Post # 38
Member
1084 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

My fi did not ask permission, and I asked him not to. Eek, I am not cattle to give away. Nobody is gonna pay two goats for me. (Double eek, I hope I’m worth more than two goats!)

Post # 39
Member
165 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Forest and Ball Room

I was so excited when I was told that my Fiance asked my mom. I’m sure he was totally nervous but it meant so much to me, and he knew it would.

I was married once before (huge mistake) and he didn’t ask because he knew my family would say no. Obviously I got married anyway and it was a massive mistake. In my family I’ve learned through trial and error that they would never steer me wrong. If they know what is better for me they tell me and I respect them all for it. 

But again, met a wonderful man who is 100% supported by my family as I am supported by his. Feels pretty amazing.  

Post # 40
Member
6311 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

DH took my dad to lunch the day of the propsoal and told him of the plans. I have no clue what they talked about. I can’t imagine DH *asked* permission, but most definitely was seeking his blessing. My family loves DH, and he and my dad are pretty close. If my dad had said no, it would honestly make me question the relationship. My dad is a very clam, level-headed guy, and for him to object would mean there must be a serious reason.

Post # 41
Member
479 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

My dad told me several times over the years that my mom wanted him to ask her father’s permission/blessing to marry her. He said he would not ask my grandpa because he knew if my grandpa said no, he would have married her anyway. My parents were married over 30 years, until my dad had a heart attack a few years back. I think it means a lot to some people, and that is fine. Me personally, even if my dad was still here and I didn’t know he didn’t like men asking for a father’s permission, I still wouldn’t have wanted my fiance to ask. I wanted to be the first one to know in my family. After all, I am the one spending my life with him. That being said, I am traditional enough that I am very, very glad that my dad got to meet my fiance and thought he is a really nice guy. My dad’s opinions and advice meant the world to me. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t want to run something by him.

Post # 42
Member
1286 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

DH didnt ask for permission, we eloped.

My parents would have never let me marry anyone.

Post # 43
Member
2449 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@MrsPanda99:  So my son’s father asked my dad if he could marry me.  My dad’s repsonse was “you’ll have to ask her; she’s the only one who can make that decision.”

 

It wasn’t because my dad didn’t like my son’s dad– it’s because #1, my dad trusts my judgement.  I didn’t get married until I was 33…that doesn’t mean that all people who get married young are making mistake, but I certainly didn’t rush into anything, even though I have had significant long-term relationships as an adult.  And then #2:  he said this because he believes it.  I am the only one who truly knows what I want, not my dad– and my dad respects what I want.  Now of course– if my dad thought that I was seriously making a horrible decision, he’d likely have a talk with me and tell me how he feels.

I know for a fact that my sister’s husband isn’t my dad’s *favorite* person, but he has always been supportive of thier marriage, always treated Brother-In-Law with respect- because he knows that even though Brother-In-Law isn’t HIS fav person, Brother-In-Law DOES make my sister happy.

 

So YES- I would definitely still marry someone if I truly wanted, regardless.  Thankfully, my dad loves my husband!

Post # 44
Member
2639 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

I told DH that I wanted him to ask for my Dad’s blessing, but he certainly didn’t ask for “permission.” That being said, if my family had advised against it, I would have really thought long and hard about it. Like a PP- my parents regret not speaking up with my brother’s first marriage, and I know they want me to me happy. If they had seen red flags, I would have paid attention!

Post # 45
Member
776 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Fiance only had to ask my mom as there is nobody else in the picture. If my mom had said no, that would have irked me beyond belief because we had talked about getting engaged a lot before it actually happened. It was quite open. If she had had any complaints, she should have aired them prior to that point.

Thankfully, she really likes Fiance and this wasn’t a problem!

Post # 46
Member
267 posts
Helper bee

@MrsPanda99:  I’ve already told my SO that my mother and stepdad’s blessing is more important than my dad’s. He’s one of those “no matter what, you’re not good enough” (towards me, not SO) people, and we’re not close at all. He’ll ask for his blessing out of tradition, but propose anyway if he says no. My sister’s husband asked and didn’t get his blessing, and he proposed as planned anyway. There doesn’t seem to be any hard feelings at this point. I think the gesture shows respect, but my dad has no reason to say no other than the fact that he and my stepmom don’t seem to want me in a relationship at all for some reason. They’re weird control freaks. Hopefully he’ll say yes. It’ll mean more to SO than me.

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