(Closed) "I'm going to marry her anyway!"

posted 6 years ago in Traditions
Post # 61
Member
207 posts
Helper bee

I plan on giving my parents the heads up that a proposal is iminent, but no one is asking permission for several reasons. 

1. I feel the same way as happilyeveraftergirl, I am not property!

2. I am the one doing the proposing. I could ask SO’s mother but she would die of excitement until I actually proposed.

3. My parents don’t like my SO. They want me to have a very traditional man takes care of woman relationship and honestly we don’t fit that stereotype nor do I have any desire to do so. I want to do things on my own and if my career and achievements far surpass what my SO does, who cares. We have even discussed the possibility of SO being a stay at home dad if we ever have children. They actually dislike him for reasons I love him. He is there to support me in my endeavors and he will support me emotionally when things go disasterously wrong.

4. My parents steered me wrong before! I had a very brief marriage 5 years ago. They loved my ex and he asked permission after 6 mo of dating and they gave it. We got married a year later and separated after a year and a half.

I know that so far my mom has warmed up to him a bit, and I think that my SO and my parents will have a better relationship in the future, but I think it is going to take them seeing that I am actually happy to accept it. I plan on just telling them what my plans are and hoping they don’t make a stink. I expect them not to though because they respect that I am an adult and capable of making my own decisions.

 

Post # 62
Member
325 posts
Helper bee

I don’t know if I could marry without my father’s permission. My parents like my SO, they have their reservations (of course, and to daddy noone will ever be good enough) but I feel if they were truly against it and said no I probably wouldn’t be able to go through with it. Just me though. 

Post # 63
Member
860 posts
Busy bee

If my father had said no I would have have waited to become engaged until I had his approval. Not because he owns me or I need permission, but because I value my father’s opinon more than anyone else’s. He wouldn’t say no unless he had a very very good reason.

Post # 64
Member
168 posts
Blushing bee

I know my dad wants it, but it isn’t going to happen.  I will probably be the one to propose. I’m not property. I’m not close with him, and he takes full responsibility for that.

Post # 65
Member
771 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

My Fiance did it out of tradition, I wasn’t too fussed about it. My parents were really touched (they are divorced and he asked them both separately) and it was lovely to learn that he’d done that. We still would have got engaged regardless though..!

Post # 66
Member
80 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

My fiance didn’t ask either of my parents because neither I nor my parents wanted that. My dad probably would have said something like “Why are you asking me??”

I also knew before he proposed that my parents would approve, and they did.

I don’t think it’s NECESSARY for your parents to approve…but it can make it really difficult if they don’t.

Post # 67
Member
422 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016 - Our Castle

 

View original reply
MrsPanda99:  It depends on your relationship with your parents.. Mine have no right or say over anything in my life, they vioded all rights to that privilage.. By my now Fiance asked my Sister and Brother-In-Law who i see more as my mother/father figures.. of course they love Fiance and said yes.. Fiance knew id be asking my Brother-In-Law to walk me down the isle so he knew who to ask..

I think nowadays its more asking for their blessing rather then permission..

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 10 months ago by  MissFox.
Post # 68
Member
26 posts
Newbee

Depends person to person. Some people it’s just tradition and formality. For my dad? If I got married without his permission I think he’d explode. It’s just to be proper and show my dad that this guy really is going to be good to me and do what is best for me. 

Post # 69
Member
53 posts
Worker bee

View original reply
MrsPanda99:  I MIGHT still marry him, but I might not. if he didn’t ask my dad’s permission first though, I would send him back to ask first. 

 

That song is silly and makes me laugh. I was thinking about it this morning and the guy in the song sounds absurd. “why you gotta be so rude? don’t you know i’m human too?” 

I mean really, just because you’re human doesn’t mean he has to give you his blessing to marry his daughter. being human is kind of the base minimum requirement for marrying his daughter… 

Post # 70
Member
1377 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Depends on the person and the family.

 

For me, my parents haven’t always been the best. My mother can get very catty for no reason, and sometimes they just go off on a tangent of just being rude to everyone. We don’t always get along. Case in point: they didn’t approve of my career choice (decided to not be a doctor) until suddenly right around the time I started getting awards/nice jobs. *sigh* So if they didn’t approve? Sucks to be them.

However – if my grandma raised concerns, I would listen. She pretty much raised me, and we are extremely close. If she had said something, it would have been well-based with good reasoning behind it. 

Post # 71
Member
2108 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

My boyfriend has said many times that he wan’ts to ask permission. Or at least let them know his plan. My family is very religious, and they like him, but I am concerned that they won’t like him when it comes to marriage. That says, every time we see them my dad says something about him hurrying up so maybe we’re fine. I would marry him either way. If my parents had legitmate concerns it would hear them out but ultimately I would make my own decision.

Post # 72
Member
3083 posts
Sugar bee

View original reply
MrsPanda99:  LOVE that song!

Why you gotta be so ruuuuddeeee 

its really sad at the end of the music video – he tries to ask her dad again on their wedding day and she is in her dress and the dad SHUTS THE DOOR!

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