(Closed) I'm going to take out a personal loan and I feel so uncomfortable about it

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 1
Member
48 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2016

Hi bees,

If you link through my profile you’ll find a thread I started where I sought help from you all and then as of a week ago left an abusive relationship.

I pretty much had two options with my life when this happened – transfer with work to a lower position and move home to my parent’s house for who knows how long to save money, or find a place to rent and live where I am with my job and friends.<br /><br />And then my managers decided that it was good timing to promote me to a managerial position and with a week’s worth of hard thinking (a lot has happened in a week) I’ve decided it’s not only a good career path but it would feel so disappointing to leave everything I’ve worked hard for, including my friends.. so I’ve decided to stay and find somewhere to live. 

In the past week I have been staying with a friend and have been viewing share accommodation and I DO NOT want to live like that. I can’t. It’s awful. I would rather move back home and give everything up. I’ve shared house in the past and it’s been such an uncomfortable way to live.

So then I have viewed rental properties, and have found one I like which is reasonable in price but not the cheapest. I’ve applied for the property.

And after a good hard think I’ve applied for a personal loan of $5,000 to cover rent + security deposit, plus furniture and white goods (bed, fridge, washing machine, a couch, etc etc). I figure that this is the time I need to basically ‘nut up or shut up’ and set myself up well. Yes, I could get second hand goods but I have no way of transporting them (unless new + delivered) – and the financially wise part of me thinks it’s best to buy things that will last me 10 years rather than things I will want/need to upgrade in the future….

Obviously I might not get that property but even if I get another one, I have zero money to my name and I cannot ask my parents for financial help. I feel shocking that I left behind in this relationship a lovely bed, fridge and washing machine that I owned but because I left so suddenly and refuse to contact him I have to start again… I currently own a bit of stuff for my own place – a lot of kitchen things, TV, clothes, beside table and lamp and various other goods but I don’t have the big ticket items. 

I guess at the end of the day I am just SO STRESSED that I am setting myself up to fail. I’m also doing part time university so I have two assignments due in the next 2 weeks and I feel so much like I’m not coping. 

The loan is a varible interest rate so that there is no fees to pay more into it unlike with a fixed rate – So I will pay it off as soon as I can ASAP. 

Please someone tell me I’m doing the right thing. I guess at the end of the day if all else fails I can pack up and move home and work to pay off the loan. I’m just so stressed at the moment on top of a relationship breakdown that I feel like I can’t breathe!

 

Post # 2
Member
135 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2006

sarahanne33:  there is nothing worst then the pain of regret. My mom has stayed in an abusive relationship with my dad for 30 years. It doesn’t change or get better. Only worst! Be glad your out! You are doing the right thing!

Post # 3
Member
7242 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

Debt isn’t the slippery path to hell that many people make it out to be. A modest personal loan in your circumstances makes perfect sense. You have a steady job and a good income, and you’ve had an unexpected expense in leaving your abusive ex. As long as you’re borrowing from a traditional lender with a reasonable interest rate and no hidden fees, I don’t see anything wrong with your plan. Research your lending options to find the best one for you, read the fine print and make sure to make a monthly spending budget, and don’t stress out over it. 

Post # 4
Member
48 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2016

Willowtree2222:  

Thank you. I’m sorry to hear that. Good to keep things in perspective I guess!

Horseradish:  

Thank you too. I actually did almost get sucked into one of the easier lenders (because I’ve never looked into this before) but spent a good day googling and reading and I found pages of horrible reviews, such as they jack up the interest rate to 25% right before you sign (so glad I researched!!) So then I called my bank whom I’ve been with since I was 5 years old and asked a bunch of questions and they were very helpful. They have to approve it for me yet however.

My step dad was all for it, saying that having and then paying back a loan gives you a good credit rating. My mother is very disapproving (even though I love her very much, and her me) but she’s had a lot of debt in the past even though she is now debt free by working hard and I guess her view on it gives me anxiety. She also does not want to be a guarantor for me which would make the process much easier but I do respect why she won’t. 

Post # 5
Member
1849 posts
Buzzing bee

Horseradish:  This. 

 

sarahanne33:  I’m all for taking out small, manageable, loans when the need arises. In this case, the need has very much arisen. It sounds like you have put a lot of thought into this so it’s not like you’re just jumping to get a loan for no reason. It’s hard to consider being in debt but think of all the positives, you will have your own place, with new stuff (that has warranties), and you’ll be able to take a step up the career path. 

And trust me, buying all new stuff is a lot easier than trying to negotiate with him to get your things back x

Post # 6
Member
48 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2016

I’m on the one hand excited to be starting out fresh and feeling accomplished and successful in the midst of what has happened to me, but then on the other hand I feel so frivolous spending and buying new things. Perhaps I just need to relax and enjoy it as much as I can and think the situation could be worse! 

If I end up getting financially in trouble I will work harder for however long it takes to pay it off, even if it means I stop studying for a while. Sometimes having a home and looking after yourself takes priority too I figure. 

I of course considered the eventuality of having to contact him to arrange collection of my things but it’s really not wise…  OneDayMrsL:  as you said. It’s not worth it, I agree. 

Post # 7
Member
466 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

sarahanne33:  You seem to be a very driven person, so take a breath and know that you’ve done the right thing. No one ever wants to take out a loan, but it certainly will build your credit if you pay it off correctly. The most important thing is that you are out of the relationship, congrats on the promotion, and you’re spending the loan money on things you NEED, not just blowing it. In my opinion, you’re doing what you have to do to move forward, so try hard to focus on the positives!

Post # 8
Member
1503 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

sarahanne33:  What about a credit card with a 0% introductory rate (usually for at least a year).  Get one with cash back perks and you can make back some of the money you spend…  I have a chase freedom card that I really like, and a bank america travel card, but they make cash back ones too.

Post # 9
Member
2885 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

sarahanne33: is it possible to get a 0% interest rate credit card? That will give you liquidity without interest and fees. 

I’d do that and take the smallest personal loan possible. 

Congrats on moving on with your life. So proud of you — you can do it!!

Post # 10
Member
48 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2016

 

kb7:  bitsybee:  Apparently you need existing debt to roll over to those credit cards to get the 0% interest for the first 16 months etc? I think that’s how they sell them to people to get them as customers. Or if you could link me to the information then I’d really appreciate it  ðŸ™‚

Post # 11
Member
2885 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

sarahanne33: I’ve never had to roll existing debt over, just opened them. It’s how I financed multiple unpaid internships as I started my career, without paying any interest.

Check out NerdWallet (google it, since I’m on my phone) — it will ask some questions and match you with various credit card offers that may fit your needs. YMMV depending on your credit worthines, financial situation and what you are looking to get out of your card. 🙂

make your payments on time and make sure you pay off the card before the 0% interest rate ends!

Post # 12
Member
217 posts
Helper bee

It’s a good step forward. You sounds like you are approaching this sensibly, and provided you have done the research that you are getting a loan you can comfortably manage, there is nothing wrong with this. It feels like debt has become almost stigmatised; but you are taking out a small loan to help you on your way,nothing more.

I’m sure you have already, but if not, make sure you’ve got a monthly budget written out so you have an amount segregated. Also factor, if interest rates rise (which is possible in the next 1-2 years) how that will change your repayment requirement and how that factors in to your plan.

I’m so impressed you’ve got so much on your plate AND doing part time uni. You’re a force to be reckoned with! Good luck!!

Post # 13
Member
217 posts
Helper bee

PS: take a breath! Sit yourself down with a cup of tea and slow down a bit. If the university assignments are significant ones, perhaps it is worth asking for an extension to give yourself some breathing room. People hit personal roadblocks all the time.. Professors are human too.

Post # 14
Member
7503 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

You already accomplished the hardest part–you left your abuser.  That’s worthy of high kudos all by itself.

And you managed to hold down a job & even get yourself promoted while going through hell?  You’re an amazing woman!

I think you’re fine taking out a small loan to set yourself up.  You geuinely need furnishings, etc to start your new life.  And you certainly sound financially responsible.  Personally, I think you’re better off with new things than old stuff you shared with your abuser.

Post # 15
Member
33 posts
Newbee

I understand the loan for rent+ultlites …but I dont understand taking out a loan for furniture that doesn’t sound like a sound financhial decision to me. You dont NEED a bed or NEED a couch…yes their nice things to have to make you comfortable but you dont NEED them. If I were you I would take out a loan only for the rent + Utilites and for a bed and couch I would save up my money and buy the bed + couch when I actually have money to pay for it. There is nothing wrong with sleeping on the floor (get a mattress pad their like $70) and that can act as your mattress/Bed until you can afford one. Get really big pillows (sold at any home goods store) and use that in your living room to lean on until you can afford a couch.

Getting into debt over furniture just doesn’t seem smart to me.

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