- 8 years ago
- Wedding: June 2012
Backstory: We’re LDR but I am currently living in “our” house while he goes to school in the next city over. Before we got our place at the end of December we set a five-year timeline for being married, aiming for the shorter side of that (so like 2-3 years), just as soon as we are financially stable and employed and “can afford things”, in his words.
That was fine for then and I was happy waiting, becase I absolutely agree that I don’t want to try to do the wedding/marriage thing without secure jobs. But something changed a few weeks ago…he got a job offer for after gruaduation!! It’s at the same place he’s been interning/working at since June last year so he knows it’s secure. And I am currently looking for an internship and building a freelance clientele, so I should be set for after graduation too.
So in my head I’ve thought…well, I want to have a long engagement, and I have always dreamt of a Christmas proposal…so if we will both have secure jobs this summer, and want to get married in the next 2-3 years…that means a Christmas proposal this year would make perfect sense!
And yet every time I see him it’s clear that he’s not thinking in terms of getting engaged that soon, and it has been breaking my heart. I’ve been overreacting to the dumbest things and accusing him all the time of “not understanding me” and I keep saying that I feel like we’re falling apart. All because, in my mind, he is not on the same page as me.
But I realized, having thought about it all this week, that that’s not necessarily because he doesn’t want to get engaged that soon, but rather could be because he doesn’t know the thought process that has led me to Christmas 2011 engagement. I’ve been so unfair to him lately, seeing him as insensitive and uncaring…when in reality it’s just because he can’t read my mind so here he is going about things as normal, because in his mind everything IS normal, whereas in my mind I’m all OMG YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND MEEEEEEE *poutpout* 🙁 🙁 :(. Duhh, self, get a grip.
So this weekend I am going to have a talk with him, to basically reexamine the issue since circumstances have changed and we should re-evaluate. I’ll tell him that the reason I’ve been overreacting lately is because I feel like we’re on different pages, and I’ll tell him my mental timeline and see where he stands on the issue, and from there we will set a timeline we can both agree on.
Of course in my head I am imagining him being totally on board and us going ring shopping on Saturday…but I totally know that’s not actually going to happen. A girl can dream, right? 🙂
Wish me luck ladies…I was going to do this last weekend but couldn’t work up the nerve. But for my own sanity I can NOT wait any longer to do this!