(Closed) “I’m going/I went on vacation so I can’t make it…” (vent)

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
250 posts
Helper bee

At least you know they aren’t coming

 

I am just blown away from the brides on many sites complaining about lack of RSVP responses… that is just so dang rude.

 

I am nervous over my daughter sending them out….  just so disappointing for all the planning that goes into any size event.   

Post # 4
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

At least they told you in advance. Some family told us on Wednesday (3 days before our wedding) that they suddenly weren’t coming to our wedding b/c they decided to go on an impromptu wedding. No card, nothing. Thanks for the heads up…not that we already didn’t buy dinner for the 4 of you, right? I should mention that this particular lady called to add her teenage children to her RSVP and we let her. 3 days notice. WTF.

I’m a planner just like you. I also think there’s a tactful way to decline an RSVP that doesn’t compare your wedding to something in their family. I mean, they coudla just said it was bad timing, or say that they already had bought their tickets (first come first serve, right?). We got a lot of tactless, emotionless responses. If you don’t want to come, just say it’s bad timing! Why people feel obligated to give a comparative response (i can’t go because of X, Y, and Z) is beyond me. Not to mention, to not follow up with a congratulatory card (read: not gift, just a card of congrats) is sorta sucky too. 

Anyways, I feel ya. I had to chase people down, too and finally I decided that if they hadn’t RSVP’d, they weren’t on the list, and they would be turned away at the door. I mean, if they don’t have an escort card, what do they think?!

Post # 5
Member
3332 posts
Sugar bee

Wow, I would be annoyed if I were so close to the wedding and I was still chasing down RSVPs!!  What’s wroong with people?! 

It is annoying that people aren’t able to make it because of vacations.  I know I was totally annoyed because there was one couple that my Mother-In-Law insisted on inviting.  She made a huge deal about including them and threw a hissy fit when they weren’t on our lists.  Eventually, we added them to the list…but then wouldn’t you know it?  They RSVPed no and said they were going to be out of state on vacation!  Apparently, my Mother-In-Law knew the whole time that they wouldn’t be there–but she never told me!  So annoying!!

 

Post # 7
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Actually it was 3 days TIL the wedding, and they’d already RSVP’d a month before.

Some of this was family to us…family that we were told we must invite, etc etc, and some we were actually close enough to render offense. It’s one thing to rsvp no and be like "i’m sorry blah blah blah"…people are funny I guess =]. It sucks that the Maid/Matron of Honor is missing the rehearsal and dinner…our best man missed the rehearsal for work and my aunt and her boyfriend arrived at our rehearsal dinner as dessert was being served. First her plane was late (ok i get that), but then she INSISTED she HAD to go shower and freshen up. Dude, if you’re already late, why be MORE late. I thought it was super rude and mom thought no big deal. Right. I don’t see why a 2 hour plane ride required a shower and a full outfit change for this. 430pm is not too early for a rehearsal! Shoot ours was at 11am, so at least I could see the Bridesmaid or Best Man not getting off work. but 430?! eesh. I feel like when you committ as a member of the bridal party, you commit. 

 I say stop wasting your time. Obviously those people are rude enough to ignore your phone calls about rsvp’ing. 

You’ll have people rsvp yes, never tell you, then not show up. So those people who didn’t rsvp but show up should be ok. But, at our location, there was no table for the escort cards. What happened is we put the escort cards on the favors then put them on the appropriate tables. We handed the door greeter (our DOC) an aphabetical list of who RSVP’d and what table they’d be at. Not super efficient, but it was more like a restaurant style set up. I told her that if somebody showed up NOT on that list, they had to wait to see if there was a free table b/c that meant they DIDN"T rsvp like they should have.

People are so dumb about this. I mean, if you don’t make a reservation for a restaurant, and you just show up for dinner, you have no right to be pissy if you can’t get a table til 930pm. 

Post # 9
Member
29 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Fiziksgirl, just keep in mind….perhaps some had the vacation planned (and maybe even paid for) prior to receiving the invite to your wedding.  And in this economy, you have to realize that attending (especially if travel is involved) could place a financial burden on certain people.  I am disappointed that some people aren’t going to be able to make it to my wedding also, but just as I want people to be sensitive to my needs, I have to be sensitive to theirs as well.  Don’t let it ruin your day!  🙂  As far as the other people who don’t RSVP and then show up, or those who do RSVP and then cancel 3 days before – how rude!

Post # 11
Member
141 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I’m sorry you have to deal with that. I guess it happens to most weddings (not the Maid/Matron of Honor part), but guests changing their mind or not telling you about it. We had 15 people not show up that had said that they’d be there. I also had to chase after my friends to RSVP, they would all say "well you know I’ll be there". Just because they are a friend doesn’t give them an exception to the rule. We still had to give a head count. Its amazing how people take all this planning for granted, while we, brides, work to make things perfect for them.

I take it your Maid/Matron of Honor is still not going to make it to your Rehearsal Dinner .. I’m sorry to hear that. I hope you’ll get it resolved, at least after the wedding.

Post # 12
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

Gosh I hear ya.  I think I’m kind of like you.  Yougo out of your way to go to bat for your friends, but feel like they don’t show you the same courtesy.  It’s easy to get down, and feel like, "Gee, do I not mean as much to them as they mean to me?"  And I think there are a lot of threads along these lines on here.

Unfortunately, I’ve just learned to let it go.  People have different personalities.  I don’t think that their actions necessarily indicate that they don’t care about you.  But maybe they have a personality flaw about being absent minded ("Oops, I forgot about the Rehearsal Dinner when I planned my vaca…") or too self indulgent ("I can’t resist such a good deal to Cancun.  Fizicsgrl wil understand.") or just a little selfish ("Oh, she’ll get over it.  How unhappy could she be?  She’s getting married.")

I’ve looked back on friendships  and realize I have some flaws too.  (Some, but not all, I’ve outgrown.)  I’ll think back to being younger and think, boy that must have been annoying for my friends.  Or I could see if she thought I was a jerk that time.

I guess I’m trying to say, sometimes people don’t realize when they are hurting someone else’s feelings.  I totally feel for you, but don’t let it ruin your friendships 🙂

Post # 14
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

I know… Your Maid/Matron of Honor agreed to certain things when she signed up to be Maid/Matron of Honor.   I hear ya.  (Hugs.)

Post # 15
Member
9 posts
Newbee

I suppose a Maid/Matron of Honor or Bridesmaid or Best Man agree to certain things, but on the flip side, I see a lot of narcissitic brides on this site (not you!), and in real life too, who feel that their bridal party has signed up to be a slave for the year prior to the wedding.

A wedding is just another day if you get right down to it. It’s not a life changing event for anyone but the bride and groom. It shouldn’t require other people to drop everything in their lives to be part of your day. And it certainly (especially in this economy) shouldn’t put them under undue financial stress. The only important thing is that the bride and the groom are there.

To me, a wedding is just a big party that the bride and groom are hosting, and so many are awful hosts (selfish, demanding, huge sense of entitlement, etc). If you invited someone to a housewarming party and they decided to go on vacation instead, would your feelings be hurt? Same difference. I’m sure they’re extremely happy for you, and wish you the best, but feel that their presence is not required at the wedding because, in all honesty, you hardly talk to the bride and groom in any event.

Post # 16
Member
165 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Fizicsgirl, I hear you!  I love my dad’s family and we hardly ever see each other.  Both of my dad’s parents died in the last year and a half so it brought us all closer, but now my aunts and uncles on dad’s side aren’t coming, and it’s sad, I wanted to share the day with them!  One aunt/uncle already had a European vacation paid for a year in advance and tried to back out, but couldn’t get the money back, and I felt honored by that.  But then my dad’s sister AFTER she got the save the date decided that the ONLY good elder hostel trips this summer conflicted with my wedding, so she’s doing that instead. 

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