- 5 years ago
I have talked to a few girlfriends about this and they just say my new hubby and I are in a rut. I am self-employed so cannot afford counselling and the Hive has always been a good place to turn for solid, unbiased advice, which is what I think I need right now. Also, I need to get this off of my chest, and make a difference in my life, and unsure of where to start.
I am sorry firstly to air my woes–I know many are busy planning their weddings and this is a happy time. When I planned my wedding it was a happy time for me as well…minus some family drama.
I have posted off and on about my husband’s financial issues/problems, and I am completely torn and feeling enraged. Like, I woke up this morning in such a fit, and last night had nightmares and woke myself up actually saying “GO” very loudly.
I love my husband. But all the things that I love about him are also counter-acted by his laziness and irresponsible behaviours. In short, here is a brief synopsis of him, and me, to hopefully help in any advice received:
HIM: married for 6 yrs prior to me; separated. Had a lot of money in the bank-got a good separation settlement. Went out, bought a camaro with 870 dollar payments a month. Working contract at the time, money not an issue. Contract expired, shortly after, dad died…spent the last two years working with me as he said he had a business idea for us to go in on a biz with a contact of his-I turned down a job of a lifetime that paid 70K plus bonuses and benefits and was with a top employer in Canada because he said this was a solid thing.
ME: I was a single mom…have three kids. He has none. This is my second marriage. I had some struggles financially but nothing major, I dont spend what I dont have. I owe maybe 2K in CC, and this is recently from a trip I took to visit my geandfather who was sick. I am a type A person, I like things tidy, I am pretty organized, and am independent.
Well, we ended up getting screwed and I quickly found out my husbands work ethic. We would sometimes work quite well together, other times it was like I had to stick a fire under his @ss to get him to work. He would come in to the office late. Sometimes not at all. After a year of this, and getting screamed at by the other partner, I decided I was done with that…it was stressful.
My husband was supporting his mother and himself…and had a spending problem he hid. Those great dinners out, I thought he had the money to spend. Turns out, he burned through almost 200K in 2 years, plus profits from the biz…BEFORE he moved in.
We get married, and a month before the wedding, I find out he owes money. Not only has he burned through all that cash, but also owes 40K in credit cards, plus still has that 870 dollar camaro payment, plus we had bought a new car about 8 months before that…thinknig he was ok financially.
I still went through with the wedding, because I love him…as foolish as that sounds. I figured things would get better, he did do some things like sell the camaro and also get some finances in order.
So here we are, in January, and we are still self-employed….together. While he does some of the contract work and back end work of our business, he doesn’t do any other the actual real work that needs to get done most of the time. I have to do all of the major work. He spends most days just sitting around, like waiting for me to do it. I am looking at our bills, and also expenses. We are one month away from being completely broke. I begged him for months to get rid of the debt and camaro..it was too late. We would close deals and move a bit forward, but then move swiftly backwards as more bills piled up.
He borrowed money off his mom-six thousand-to pay the 3K in camaro payments was was behind (they were ready to repo it!!) –payments he HID from me that he didn’t make, and also other bills he was suppsoed to pay, and didn’t.
So now, I am paying the bills, trying to manage the budget, oh, did I mention I got a job cleaning offices in the evening which pays 900 a month so I can stil lrun my business throughout the day…
and him, the man who has no kids (other than the stepkids!!!) is barely helping.
He takes my D to school in the am as I get home from work late, but even this morning, a huge mess was left from the beautiful dinner I cooked last night before I lft for work. I did the dishes this morning. Then cleaned up the mess he left rom moving the frisge downstairs (replaced the broken one and he left marks all in the floor last night).
I am raging mad-and heartbroken…lost…scared. I don’t think I want a divorce, but I am so scared that this will be my life forever.
He has been looking for work but no luck. Is it wrong of me to wish my husband would work and be able to support himself and maybe me? This is a succesful (or once successful) man….who has worked for some awesome companies. He just cant get work…he gets a few offers but then they back out-we have found out quickly that being self-employed is like teh kiss of death.
NO ONE wants to hire him…or ME. I have interviewed with some top coompanies recently and they get stuck on the self-employment thing. Here I am, considering at this point like, welfare….I dont know what to do.
My questions are…what do I say to my husband, or do? I don’t know anymore…I feel like I am going to break in two. To top it all off, he has performance issues under stress so I am not even getting anything even remotely satisfying in the bedroom. And I am so mad at him I can barely look at him…we have had sex maybe once this month.
Dont get me wrong…I like some of his other qualities…he is loyal, and faithful, caring, kind…he is thoughtful at times.
But he is clueless, broke, irresponsible and unable to put food in his own mouth…
he had more than enough money to buy a house, live comfortably…and he pissed it all away. Now here WE are-2 months awy from being homeless if things dont look up.
What do I do?