(Closed) I'm having a nervous breakdown and need honest advice

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
170 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I think that marriage is for better or for worse….but that doesn’t mean that you need to suffer silently. There are plenty of counseling options available to you that work on a sliding scale. Yes you’re in a tough spot and your husband hasn’t always made the smartest choices in the past but I don’t see that as a reason to throw in the towel–the economy is still pretty bad and he’s in a slump—but he IS working and contributing, even if it is not as much as you would like. It is very likely that your husband has undiagnosed depression and addressing that–either through counseling or medication–would probably change his entire outlook

Post # 18
Member
1058 posts
Bumble bee

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@Sunfire:  +1. You are always so, so wise.

 

OP, I would also suggest counseling if you can find a place that charges on a sliding scale. Let him know that you are in this TOGETHER, even if you (rightfully) feel that it is mostly his doing. Go get financial counseling, and find out what is possible – and tell him that it is something you should do together. Get his opinion on things, and make him feel like he matters. Find the little things to give him back his self-worth, like letting him know you are grateful for the little things he does. Instead of focusing on the fact that he made a mess in moving the fridge, let him know you are appreciative that he moved it. I know that he doesn’t do things perfectly, and that you end up having to do more, but I think a good first step is too give him positive reinforcement for the things he DOES do. Good luck, and I think you are right to try and fight for it, and also that if you were to leave, you would feel better leaving once you try everything, as Sunfire suggests.

I’m rooting for ya!

Post # 19
Member
561 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Gosh I just read this and thought, you really need to do a self evaluation. where do you see yourself in 5 years, 10 years and does he exist there? I have always been a firm believer that marriage is forever, but at the same time, it does take two to make it work. maybe there are some sliding scale counseling centers that would work w/your income if you are truly needing to get in some place and hash it out. I read a book a while back called the spiritual rules of engagement, which taught me to look deep within myself. always. for me, without being selfish and without losing myself to someone else.  Wish I had better advice.

Post # 20
Member
847 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

@fivemonthsnotice:  I think you need to get in touch with a divorce lawyer. This guy sounds like my father and trust me when I say you do not want to raise children with this man. You will spend the rest of your life working your fingers to the bone for him if you don’t get out now. I have plenty of experience with this type of guy and trust me when I say they never change.

If it was me, I’d leave. 

Post # 21
Member
2297 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

i keep seeing you say ‘that he can’t find work’ – first, stop making excuses for him. there is a ‘help wanted’ sign SOMEWHERE in your city – and he should be in line for it.

i have a VERY hard time believing that he can’t find a construction/labour job, he could walk dogs/mow lawns/janitor at a school, sell his crap in a garage sale/offer consulting services…i mean come ON. there are likely highschool students in your neighbourhood more gainfully employed than your husband. harsh, but almost certainly true. obviously not ideal, but would help keep a roof over your head.

PPs have given you great advice.

mine would be that marriage takes two adults and that love is often NOT enough. try hard, and have a backup plan (including money only you can access) just in case this man singlehandedly leads you and your three children into financial oblivion.

i’m sending good wishes and hope that your situation changes for the better!

 

Post # 22
Member
2297 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

also – try and find low cost (or free) debt counseling and employment counseling in your city.

the ymca often has free employment services – if i were you that would be a ‘you need to go there today’ condition.

Post # 24
Member
2324 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
@fivemonthsnotice:  I am so sorry to hear that things have not improved. It sounds like it’s time for you to make a tough call. You already have three children to take care of, you don’t need another one. I do hope that you can keep us updated. The bee is great for venting & getting advice.

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