Post # 1
Anyone who knows me well know’s that I’m a total accomodater and giver. As much as I think I deserve to feel like a “bride” during this time, I want to make sure the things that come along with it as OK with everyone. Here’s my deal…
My Maid/Matron of Honor has been my best friend for 15 years. She is quite well off and has very nice, classy taste. Then I have a bridesmaid in a lower tax bracket with a 9 m/o baby and a bridesman who is down right broke and somewhat disinterested!!
My Maid/Matron of Honor has been asking me for bachelorette/shower ideas and I just keep saying, “Whatever is most convenient and affordable for all those involved. I don’t want to put anyone out.” I let her know time of year, and what I defnitely DON’T want (hard partying, strippers, nonsense, cliches). She keeps insisting that this is my time to be special and not to sell myself short. I mentioned I prefer wine trailing perhaps, and she ver graciously suggested limo transport to a wine trail in a very upscale part of where we live, and also, it’s far so overnight accomodations would have to be made.
I LOVE THAT IDEA! It’s amazing in a perfect world, but I do not want to financially constrain the other members or make them feel bad if they can’t afford the time and money to do that.
A part of me wants to almost forewarn them and let them know it’s OK to reject her idea, but is it my place to do so? Should I just let her run with it, since she said she’d take on the overage that people can’t pay? Do I keep out b/c it’s supposed to be “for” me anyway? I agree with her that it is “my turn” now and I deserve it to an extent, but it’s my nature to make sure everyone else is cool as well. How do I just let that go and enjoy this time?
Post # 2
BurlapnLace: If you think that it will make the other members of your wedding party feel uncomfortable, I’d probably recommend something else to your Maid/Matron of Honor. However, take my opinion with a grain of salt, I didn’t want a bachelorette party, shower, my girls didn’t purchase anything (dresses, shoes, jewelry, etc) because having them there and happy with me on my wedding day was more important than anything else. If I wanted an experience, I felt is was my responsibility to fund it, but then again I don’t really get the whole “I’m a bride so I deserve X” mentality.
Post # 3
If it were me, I would just bring up ahead of time with your other bridesmaid and bridesman what you had suggested and what your Maid/Matron of Honor may be planning. This way they are aware of what is going to be suggested, but for the most part, let them be the judge of whether they can afford it or not. I have been on both ends of the spectrums where brides have wanted an out of control weekend I simply couldn’t afford and bowed out, to being able to full partake in all aspects of the fun. More than likely, your bridesmaid/man already have an idea that this is going to cost money and should be prepared to spend a little cash, but let them decide if they can afford it or not.
Like I said above, I’ve been on both ends of the spectrum and now that I’m engaged I am sensitive to the different brackets my group of friends fall into. So no, I will not be planning some out of control weekend, however, my sister suggested a relaxing weekend in Miami getting massages and manicures and lounging by the pool–love! Will everyone be able to afford to go? Maybe not: It will require a hotel, paying for their dinners, massages, nails, etc., but at the same time, it sounds like heaven to me, so I understand if they can’t go. On the flip side, I am in a wedding this fall and the bride is so concerned with having an “affordable” bachelorette that doesn’t cost us girls any money that it’s turned into a total snooze fest! Sometimes you have to spend a little money to have some fun. As long as the bottom line from your bachelorette party isn’t astronomical, I’m sure it won’t be a problem.
Post # 4
So i had a REALLY hard time planning my Bachelorette party. I went back and forth on where it should be etc. ALL of my bridesmaids are spread out all over the country so no matter what people were going to have to travel. In the end I decided to have it close to me I live in DC and we are going to Delaware beaches. Since I am not going to have to fly I put the money that I would have spent on the flight tward a night at the hotel since I know that it is not cheap for the other girls. In the end my best friends are coming and my sister is not since she waited too long to book her ticket and prices went up too much. I think that you do what you can, if you and your Maid/Matron of Honor can pay a little more to make it more afordable for the other girls then do it and go all out, if some of them cant make it, thats not a huge deal. OR if its really important to have everyone there and you want to do something less expensive and more low key just let your Maid/Matron of Honor know.
Post # 5
BurlapnLace: this sounds like it’s just your personality so it will be hard to just let go and enjoy the time and not worry how it affects the other people. I do think that talking with everyone involved will help you feel better. Most people who agree to be in your wedding are going to expect the extra costs associated with it. By talking with them about it, they could better plan and feel more comfortable. Is your Maid/Matron of Honor in contact with the people involved? Maybe she could talk with the people and let them know that this is something she wants to do for you and then discuss the associated costs. That being said- our families/friends are very spread out in different states so I thought it was insane to have people come for more than the wedding. I told Maid/Matron of Honor no engagement party, bridal shower, or bachelorette party. It’s really your comfort level. hope this helps
Post # 6
BurlapnLace: I would let her plan it, but have her contact the other people and find out what their budget is first. Either that or if she’s willing to pay more to cover the others then that works as well.
Post # 7
Yeah, kind of feeling I should just step aside this time. I feel the more involved I get and the more I know, the more I’ll feel compelled to make sure “everyone is OK”. They’re all adults and can express their own concerns and opinions, I ‘m not needed to speak for anyone.