I'm having a surprise Bridal Shower… and I'm dreading it

posted 2 years ago in Parties
Post # 2
Member
1169 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

Can they not give you the date at least?  I hate surprises too and it would irk me not knowing the date.

Post # 3
Member
304 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

If you’re feeling that uncomfortable about it, why not talk to your mom and let her know how you feel? I mean, you already know it’s happening, so perhaps she could give you the date, dress code, and a few more details to put your mind at ease. I’m sure the last thing she wants is for you to be stressed out over an event that is supposed to be happy and fun for you.

Post # 5
Member
3905 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

tiffles :  Omg.. just appreciate that people in your life care enough… AND you get gifts!! And everyone is doing it to make you feel special. 

Im not huge into being the centre of attention and surprises in general… but I found 6oit that my Mother-In-Law & one of my MOHs (I have 2) are planning a shower for end of April. And they sent out invites yesterday and the shower is Yoga themed, and there will be an “all levels” yoga class!! How great is that? I get to do a free yoga class (I have been into yoga in the past and now trying to get back in it and this is awesome) and have food with all these women who care enough and I dont have to wear some stupid dress i dont want (im not into dresses, and so happy the shower is not some high tea or something) and I will get Ikea gift cards (MOH asked me if we are registering and we are not.. so I said if they wanna do gift we want Ikea gift cards cause we need some new furniture) so the shower will not be about opening gifts but about spending quality time with all the women in my life amd sharimg a.meal and a yoga class!! CAN’T WAIT!! And I was a bit dreading having a shower, cause they make me nervous)

Post # 6
Member
4770 posts
Honey bee

tiffles :  I feel you. I hate surprises too. I mean unless someone just gives me a gift out nowhere. But having everyone there makes me want to know ahead of time.

See if your mom can give you an idea of when it is? 

Post # 7
Member
1439 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

You need to communicate with your mother and Maid/Matron of Honor. Tell them you know it’s coming and the whole thing is causing you anxiety and you want to know what day it’s on. Insist if they try to be cute about the whole surprise thing. It’s not a fun surprise if you are dreading it!

Post # 8
Member
93 posts
Worker bee

I hate surprises and my mom threw me a surprise shower. I was worried about how I would look, etc if I just showed up unprepared. I spoke with my sisters (they were my MOHs), and they leaked two or three possible weekends that it could be. That kept it a surprise, but gave me enough info to prep. Ultimately, it went well. I was so surprised by who showed up and I had a wonderful time. Plus, Darling Husband took me out fur a brunch date the morning of, so I looked my best and was very relaxed. 

Post # 9
Member
2181 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I think that it is fair to say to your mom or whoever “hey this is awesome and thanks but it’s stressing me out and I would prefer to know when it is” or just ask one of your friends. I think that a surprise is fine if you don’t know but to have it over your head if you aren’t into that type of thing seems a bit wrong and not really the point of a bridal shower.

 

Post # 10
Member
25 posts
Newbee

ana2017 :  that’s not fair. That’s literally telling the bride that her feelings and desires don’t matter and she should just suck it up. Which imo is rude. Good rule of thumb is don’t throw surprise parties for people who don’t like surprises. And telling someone to be grateful for something you force on them is rude. 

Post # 11
Member
3905 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

lovelyfleur86 :  you dont think her telling her family and friends she doesnt want a shower when they are already planning it in not rude? Think about it, they are doing something thoughtful, time consuming and not that cheap in her honor. I think at this point she should just aacept it to be polite and to preserve those relationships  nothing is required of her other than show up,.hang out with everyone for a couple hours and say thanks for the gifts…

Post # 12
Member
269 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

tiffles :  Assuming you have already done the obvious thing and asked your mother for the date, a simple “Fine, but you know I hate surprises and you run a risk that I will turn on my heels right there and then” should bring the point across…

Post # 13
Member
4235 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom

I too HATE surprises!

I knew when my bridal shower was. The ‘surprise shower’ in question was my baby shower actually. I got wind that they were going to try and surprise me. This REALLY irked me because not only do I hate surprises…while I am ‘pretty casual’ in my day to day life, I like to be a little more put together looking when I see DH’s family. PLUS the anxiety of knowing it was ‘coming soon’ was wreaking havoc on my nerves!

What ultimately happened is I got Darling Husband to gently remind the person organizing it how much I hate surprises, and how it would be kinder to me to give me the opportunity to look the way I wanted to for my own shower…he made it sound like it was coming from him and not me. Fortunatly it worked out, and I was ultimately told when my shower was (albeit only two weeks before).

Post # 14
Member
304 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

tiffles : I’m sure your Fiance had the best intentions when telling your MOH/mom you’d want a surprise – I don’t think my Fiance would be able to tell you whether or not I like big surprises or surprise parties, and we’ve been together 4 years! It’s just never come up.

So your Maid/Matron of Honor says she’ll let you know day of, but what I and other PPs are saying, is tell your Maid/Matron of Honor and your mom that you’re really anxious about it! Tell your Maid/Matron of Honor that you aren’t okay with knowing day-of because of how it’s making you feel. I am sure neither of them wants this to be a stressful event for you – on the contrary, they want to celebrate you. Hopefully they understand where you are coming from and have your best interests at heart, and share the date and some basic details so you’re more at ease. That way you can still be surprised by the details of the shower, but have a better idea of what is going on.

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors