- 4 years ago
Hi, all. I just joined this website, hopefully to find some comfort and camaraderie. I’m currently engaged to the love of my life, and we’re getting married in July. Unfortunately, I can’t even focus on the fact that I’ll be marrying him, because I feel so completely distracted by all the wedding BS. I cry often, I’ve had panic attacks, my skin is breaking out like I’m 14, and I fight with my parents all the time now. I regret letting my parents pay for our wedding, because I feel like I got tricked into signing up for this thing without knowing what it would entail, and now I’m stuck.
This is my story.. I’ll try to keep it short. We got engaged last summer. Initially, we didn’t plan anything. We didn’t want to plan anything, nor did we have time. We thought we would just enjoy being engaged although we were hounded about plans (naturally). Around January, we decided we’d like to have a nice little ceremony in the park by our house, and we would just invite our close family and friends. We suggested this to my parents (as I mentioned, they are paying..) and they were appalled. Everyone thought we couldn’t leave people uninvited. I suggested we have a big party to celebrate our marriage a day or two after the ceremony. It didn’t fly. I understand there were logistic issues, but regardless, that is what I wanted for my day. The reception party was only thrown in to make my parents happy. My parents suggested we look at bigger venues (this is where I should have said no, nevermind, I’ll pay for it, thank you). We picked a great venue by my parents house to keep things simple. We booked them and booked the caterer. Then, 2 months later, they called and said they double booked us. Fine. We picked a new venue, booked it, booked the caterer. This is when I realized that I REALLY don’t want to be doing any of this. I’m only having this wedding for my family, but I didn’t know it would be such a crappy process! I’m trying to suck it up and find the positive, but I’m driven mad by the ever-multiplying list of things that ~I~ have to do for this wedding that I don’t want. I feel INCREDIBLE pressure from every direction. What am I wearing, what are we serving, who’s invited.. We’ve fought about everything, and I have tried to compromise when possible (ie, I’m vegetarian, but I’m serving chicken because my mother-in-law claimed people would not attend the wedding if we didn’t). It’s not even the leg-work that bothers me, it’s really the pressure. I’m supposed to want to pick out a pretty dress right? I can’t bring myself to care. I feel like a huge fraud, which is adding to my anxiety. And speaking of anxiety, I feel like I am actually harming myself by being so stressed out. I’ve developed psoriasis and adult acne. Those do not make me want to put on a dress and get my hair done.
Everyone expecting me to enjoy this process is making me feel 100x worse. I cannot find the joy in this process. As I said before, I can’t even feel joy about marrying my fiance, because I am so stressed and overwhelmed. I just wanted to go to the park by our house and marry him. Now our wedding is 2 months away, my parents have spent tens of thousands of dollars, and for what?
I’m sorry to ramble. I honestly just needed to get this off my chest. Thanks if you read all the way to here. If anyone has helpful advice, I would love to hear it. If you were miserable planning your wedding and you laugh about it now, I’d love to hear it.
I know this situation could be far worse. Our families love us and want us to have a wedding “the right way” (their way). My parents are footing a gigantic bill (which I feel guilty about). And everyone is excited about our wedding…. except for both of us. What can we do?!