Post # 77
I called Jenn up earlier today and got her voice message. I left a nice and diplomatic message, which I wrote in my last post, and I am hoping she will call me some time this weekend. Thanks for your input to the situation! I really appreciate it.
Believe it or not, both the bride and I are 31 years old and I completely agree that this situation has gotten way out of hand.
Post # 78
Sorry, i re-read my post and it seems like it came across as a little harsh. I lost a Bridesmaid or Best Man (who happened to be my sister) bc things escelated way to quickly through email….unfortunalty by the time we did just sit down and chat it was to late.
I really hope you guys can figure things out though! Good luck. Keep us posted 🙂
Post # 79
@NATO I actually think I can give you a different perspective to think about, mind you I’m NOT saying in anyway that her behavior is acceptable (it’s kind of childish but it seems like things have gotten WAY confusing and email can in fact do that) but based on something you said “Oh, in terms of Jenn stating that I’m unhealthy emblished with my family’s past issues, etc….last year, I talked a lot to Jenn about not having the close friendships/relationship that I wanted with certain familiy members. I would talk about how I wished my dad wasn’t emotionally distant and how I wanted my brother and I to actually have a friendship and talk once every week or what not. I think it was wrong for Jenn to throw up my vulunerabilites in my face.” I was actually curious before you explained that part what she meant by that because after all there are two sides to every story. So based on that it makes me wonder if she didn’t see your being with your family as an attempt to strength those issues you were concerned about (instead of the obvious needing to be with your family in crisis) and in doing so her place as your best friend was in jeopardy. Personally I have a strained relationship with my family but not as much with some so in turn my friends are in fact as important as my family. She could have been very threatened by the whole ordeal, again not saying that this behavior is right but if you are in fact all she’s got that has to be a scary thought. That said I think putting myself in both of your shoes I would have handled both sides very differently. I do agree the best thing you’ve done so far is picked up the phone. I would also suggest if she ignores this first phone call to try again then no one can say you didn’t try but I would definitely leave out the bachelorette party, it’s not necessary, you’re calling to repair a friendship not to make party plans, if the friendship is repaired that will become obvious! Good Luck with this and to your Dad’s continued recovery.
Post # 80
So I just checked my email and she wrote the following:
Subject: got your message…
Glad to hear from you! Got your message today after work-I got back from dinner late tonight and work tomorrow, but will call you tomorrow night or Sunday.
Post # 81
Like you’ve said, I think that you both could have handled things differently. It just sounds like a lot of emotions were running high and you both were in stressful situations, albeit in very different ways. While I don’t necessarily think I would have acted the way your friend did, I also didn’t grow up with the same family that she did (or lack thereof) and personal experiences.
I think that you’re acting in a very mature manner and you’ve been pvery understanding and accommodating! And for reaching out to her after all of what she’s done — I don’t think many people can do that. I would love to have a friend like you, and I think she’s very lucky. 🙂 I know that you’re considering ending the friendship after all of this — I think you just need to do what feels right for you, regardless of assigning blame (not that you’re doing that). 11 years of what sounds like a strong friendship is a long time and you never know how you’ll feel about all of this a few months or years later — especially if you two are going to talk about it. I know it’s pretty inexcusable for your friend to not be more supportive or understanding of your family situation, but again…it’s hard to know exactly where she’s coming from without having lived her life and experiences. And being a bride can do crazy things to you!!
Either way, good luck with the conversation and I hope that everything works out well. I’m glad to hear that your dad is doing better too!!
Post # 82
I re-read your post above and I want to honestly know how anyone can think that a wedding is more important than a father being in the ICU for a heart procedure.
I’ve never been married, so I don’t know the stresses of planning a wedding. However, I do know that, at the end of the day, a wedding is just a big/fancy party with a big white dress. I hope the hive isn’t going to sting me for saying that statment.
In the grand scheme of life, I believe a much more important day is the birth of your child(ren), the death of a parent, and the death of your spouse/significant other. That’s just me though. Yes, a woman’s wedding day is one of the more important days compared to the daily routine of getting up, going to work, going to the gym, cooking dinner, and then going to sleep to start all over again tomorrow. However, to me at least, it’s not the end all be all of all days in a person’s life. I appears that a lot of women think, just like Jenn, that their wedding day IS indeed the most important day and that nothing else, not even the fact that your best friend’s father is ill and in the ICU for heart complications, matters in life. It’s just a big party with a fancy dress. Yes, I say that about my own wedding day too. Don’t shoot me! 😉
Her bachelorette party is in mid May. Depending on how this phone conversation goes with her either today or tomorrow, I might attend her bachelorette party. I’m prepping for this conversation the same way I prep for a meeting with a client/customer. I’m going to stick with the facts and I’m going to try really hard not to let my emotions get the best of me. Call it a hunch, but I feel like, by me calling her up instead of vice versa, she thinks that she is indeed in the ‘right’ while I am in the ‘wrong’ for everything.
Post # 83
I think at this point it is time to agree to disagree. There should be no more who’s right or wrong. If you want to salvage this friendship you need to move on. You both hurt each others feeling and now its either time to move past the incident and be friends or just let it go.
Try not to continue to let this build inside you. This woman was someone who you were close enough for her to ask you to be her Maid/Matron of Honor. She isn’t a buisness client or a stranger, but someone you loved dearly. Remember those goods things about her and try to reconnect. The past doesn’t have to be hashed out, try to move forward.
Post # 84
She seems incredibly selfish to me. Even her initial response to your voicemail seemed insensitive. If I received an emotional voicemail like that from my Maid/Matron of Honor, I admit that I would feel hurt. But, that would quickly pass and my main concern would be YOU. I can’t imagine trying to keep the focus on my wedding when my MOH’s father is in this condition. Whether she is standing next to me in a pretty dress on my big day is not as important.
Post # 85
I hope your dad is stronger & doing much better now! I’m sorry you were going through such a rough time & getting it from all sides.
When I was reading your post all I could think was “Why aren’t these girls talking on the phone?” Even for 2 minutes! Emails are often misinterpreted & what is meant to be an emotional sentiment can sometimes come across as something mean & spiteful!
I don’t think either of you are being selfish. She should have put her emotions on the back burner while you were in the middle of this ordeal! I also think that you shouldn’t have told her 5 months in advance that you may have to back out… however, I’ve dealt with a loved one in the hospital (stroke) and at that moment you can’t think an hour or two ahead. When someone is in the hospital with a life threatening issue, you live minute by minute.
I think you should call her on the phone & meet up for coffee. You should put this behind the 2 of you. Both of you were highly emotional & there is really NO reason to let this strain or end your friendship! 🙂 Good luck & best wishes to your father!
Post # 86
Final update: She called me on Sunday night (3/21) and we talked for almost 1 hour. It was a productive conversation and I think we both really listened to each other. We both agreed that we have different values and that, although we still do not completely agree with how the other one behaved in this situation, we still would like to be in each others’ lives…even if that means no longer being close friends and just ‘regular’ friends or social acquantences. I apologized for leaving my comment on her voicemail and she apologized for as well as explained why she really hit below the belt with her comment about me being unhealthly emblished with my family.
I feel like a resolution occured and this was definitely a lesson learned. Thank youu ladies for giving me your 2 cents worth. Best of luck to you all!
Post # 87
So glad to hear that you worked things out and got some closure!