Post # 1
I was asked by my sweet friend to host her bridal shower–she felt bad asking (I was throwing her a luncheon as a surprise, so I just tweaked some things), but her family and other friends including her MOH/sister weren’t really doing anything and she was getting upset. So of course I said yes, and immediately began planning. I wasn’t able to get help from any other BMs, and that was okay. I have put 4 months and a few hundred dollars into this shower for 30+ guests. Now that everything is paid for and we’re basically in the “coast until shower date” stage, I have some thunder stealers easing their way into the picture.
The bride’s sister and mom, who might have the purest of intentions, have recently started acting as though we have all planned the shower. Mom was insistent that I cancel my venue and all cemented plans (a loss of $650 on my part) so we could do the shower at her house. When I politely tod her that I really couldn’t do that, she told me that it was okay as long as she could still decorate. I politely told Mom that the shower was really a party for her too, and that all I need her to do is to show up and enjoy the day. I was afraid that if I was too blunt (“Hey lady, you didn’t want to help 4 months ago you don’t get to steal the shower now!”) it would step on some toes, lol. Sister sent me a list of shower games, but that was basically it. I already had so much in place that last-minute “help” wouldn’t be helpful.
I’m worried now that, as I get ready to send out invitations, having my name as the only hostess will cause problems. However, I don’t feel that anyone else has contributed anything worth counting–what do you bees think? I certainly don’t want to be a bad hostess by not recognizing any co-hostesses, but aside from the list of games and the attempt to get in on the action AFTER I’d paid for everything, I’ve done everything myself.
Maybe I’m selfish, but I would rather not get any kind of thank you than to have other people get thanked for work that I did. So tell me: do I need to recognize anyone else (I was going to send the sister a thank you note for the game ideas) on the invitations? And am I taking this too personally?
Post # 3
@MrsHalpert: I don’t think you are taking it too personally. You are the hostess. I would send out the invitations in your name only.
Post # 4
@MrsHalpert: you are doing all the hard work and pleas get the creditsfor it. Mom had 4 month and now she woke up from her sleep and realised she has to be part of it. sheshould get an invite in my opinion.
Post # 5
@MrsHalpert: I don’t think that you are wrong. This would really upset me too. People like this are probably just thoughtless and haven’t considered the amount of work, time and money you’ve put in because they would just throw something together last minute….and that would be fine…if they were hosting. But they’re not. So:
You’re the hostess. You send the invites, which are extended in your name only. You could thank the sister at the shower for putting the games together.
Any offers of help that you don’t want you just say “thank you, but no. I’ve got it covered”.
Post # 6
You’re the hostess — you’ve planned and paid for it. I would put the invitations with your name only.
Post # 7
@MrsHalpert: Nope you’re perfectly within your right to list only your name on the shower. Where I come from it’s bad etiquette to have a family member of the bride (unless they’re in the bridal party) host the shower. I’m not sure what the reasoning is behind it, maybe it looks gift-grabby? Either way I wouldn’t change anything, you paid for everything, you planned it, you’re hosting it – end of story.
Post # 8
Thanks for replying ladies! I’m glad I’m not alone in my thinking–I’ll let you know if anyone pitches a fit for lack of recognition, lol 🙂
Post # 9
@MrsHalpert: put only your name. You’re hosting it, planned it, payed for it and are doing all of the work. Your name is the one that should be on that invite and no one else’s.
Post # 11
@MrsHalpert: well i don’t think they should take any offence and to me it sounds like you are the sole hostess! I can totally see where your concerns are coming from, but I would send out the invites and address any heat from MOH/sister/mom as it comes.
Post # 12
@MrsHalpert: I think you have fallen into the common error of thinking of “being the hostess” as an honour — probably from reading too many posts about wedding invitations and the debates about whether the groom’s parents are entitled to the “honour” of being named on the invitation.
Hostess is a job. Hostess is a responsibility. You’ve made a bunch of judgement calls about what will please the bride and be pleasant for your friends. They are probably good calls — probably — but unless you have mind-reading and future-sight, they are still just a guess. And now, when the party itself is on the line, you would consider letting someone else take the risks of being responsible for your decisions? Of course not — that would be churlish of you. Your guests need to know who is responsible for the arrangements, and if something goes wrong — anything at all — you would not want that to reflect on the bride’s mother and sister.
No, the only thing you can properly, politely do, is step up and take responsiblity for your choices — “nice” as it is of the bride’s mother to offer.
Post # 13
@MrsHalpert: if you’re paying and planning then you’re the hostess. I can’t see how her mom could be upset when she hasn’t paid for anything. Don’t stress!