I'm in a pickle

posted 10 months ago in The Lounge
Post # 31
Member
1203 posts
Bumble bee

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applestooranges1 :  I wouldn’t invite my friend, no matter how close she is, for obvious reasons. I’m sure your friend will accept your decision with grace. And you are in the middle, by the way. Your friend put you in the middle by sleeping with the spouse of your family member. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be put in this position of who not to invite; you’d simply remain indifferent, and invite them both. 

Post # 32
Member
3298 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

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bearinabeecostume :  Somehow I just don’t think the friend will accept op’s decision not to invite her with “grace”!  I bet she tries to argue/ make excuses/talk op into inviting her, or gets pissed at being excluded…Choosing to have sex with a supposed good friend’s *married* family member is a pretty selfish, fucked up thing to do.  No doubt her selfishness will be at the forefront for this situation too. She won’t gaf about the discomfort of the wife (or the wife’s parents)… 

OP you may want to consider that your friend lack of respect towards marriage may extend someday to yours too .. 

Let us know how your friend takes the news that she cannot go to your event. 

Post # 33
Member
1601 posts
Bumble bee

Honestly your friend probably doesn’t wanna go anyway if your cousin is going to be there. If she did, it would give me pause. I’m with you that what she did wasn’t alright, but it doesn’t automatically make her a “slut” or an automatically terrible person — or necessarily selfish. People make mistakes, and if she’s a decent person, she’ll probably want to bow out anyway if your cousin is there so as to not make things awkward for everyone. 

Post # 34
Member
1203 posts
Bumble bee

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mrstodd2bee :  I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt. I just can’t imagine the balls of someone who could sleep with a married man, and then comfortably show up at his family’s event knowing she’ll be in the presence of his wife, and many others who despise her. 

Post # 35
Member
576 posts
Busy bee

Are people serioulsy slut shaming the women again? The cousin didn’t divorce her shitty husband who’s equally at fault here. If the husband is coming, so should the friend (or exclude them both). 

Post # 36
Member
3555 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

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theweddingunplanner :  yes!! The person ‘at fault’ here is the husband. He was the one who was married not the friend. 

Post # 37
Member
230 posts
Helper bee

waaahh waahhh the friend did nothing wrooong!!! stfu already. 

To the people spouting that nonsense, keep that same energy when some whore sleeps with your husband. 😂 We can call a person acting like an asshole an asshole. We can call a person acting like a racist, a racist. But we can’t call a person acting like a slut, a slut? I don’t get it

The lack of empathy on this board makes me sick sometimes.

Post # 38
Member
828 posts
Busy bee

Why are PP saying the cousin stay with her asshole husband? When on page 2 the OP states that her cousin isn’t with the asshole anymore, or else he also wouldn’t be welcome to the party.  IMO they both are equally wrong. (Asshole ) because he made a vow to be faithful and broke it. (Slut) because even though she wasn’t married, she still chose to sleep with a married man. Just because she is single doesn’t mean she gets off, as not doing nothing wrong. She can sleep with all the men she chooses so long as they are not MARRIED. If she would do the later PP wouldn’t be calling her a slut.  

Post # 39
Member
704 posts
Busy bee

Don’t invite the husband. He’s the adulterer actually, who made this awkward. 

It’s good you spoke with your friend and will do something separately with her. Last thing you want is drama at your party.

Post # 40
Member
704 posts
Busy bee

Sorry – I read the thread quickly and missed she had already dumped his ass. Good. 

Post # 41
Member
3555 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

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beepboopbop :  but why is it the woman’s fault? Why is she called all the names when the husband was the one who decided to be unfaithful and break his marriage. There is no male equivalent for the word whore – only women get insults based on their sexual past 

Post # 42
Member
1294 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

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Twizbe :  it’s about context.  The OP posed a question about a female friend who had sex with a married man.  The responses are about the female in this scenario.  Nobody is saying the husband is blameless in the infidelity, but OP isn’t asking about how to handle a situation with him.  I’m sure if she were, there would be plenty of responses about what a piece of shit he is.

I do agree with you that historicaly, and to some extent even today, women have borne the brunt of blame and judgement in these situations.  But I can’t get behind an effort at over correction that says it is perfectly acceptable for a woman to have sex with a married man since she isnt the one who is married. 

Post # 43
Member
1053 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

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beepboopbop :  I don’t see where anyone is saying that the friend is blameless at all.  It’s just that more of the blame lies with the husband’s cousin.  He is the one who said the vows and made the promises.  

Post # 44
Member
230 posts
Helper bee

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oceangirl40 : A post on page 2: ” I hate the “omg what a slut she slept with a married man” routine. She didn’t do anything wrong in my book – he did. He’s the one who promised not to screw other people! He broke that promise! She made no such promises and had sex. You can’t have sex with a married man unless he is also willing.”

That’s ridiculous!! There were one or two more saying something similar, & ive seen a similar sentiment on other posts. The husband is absolutely 100% a piece of shit, but so is a person that knowingly sleeps w/a person who’s married.

Being a girl and having history against you doesn’t make it magically acceptable or appropriate to f*** other peoples’ spouses. & if you DO IT, ppl can call you on it. Again, we can call a person acting like an asshole an asshole. We can call a person acting like a racist, a racist. Why can’t we call a person acting like a slut, a slut? Just bc there’s no equivalent word for a man…? ok?? 

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