Post # 1
Regular poster going anon.
I’m not sure what i’m hoping to accomplish by posting it, but I literally have no one else in my life I can talk to about this. It’s more of a rant than me actually looking for advice because I know damn well what i’m supposed to do.
I’ve been with my SO for a little over a year. He is younger than I am. We have had a very rocky relationship filled with a lot of trust and jealousy issues. MOSTLY coming from his end. He lost his mother at a young age, and his dad is in and out of jail, which has left him unable to trust others. He is very good at hiding ANY emotion, including happiness.
Lately all of the issues have gotten much worse. Basically he has made it so I now have NO friends, other than his sister. I’m not allowed to talk to any male without him thinking that I’m cheating on him. A good example is his uncle came to visit the other day. Him and his sister made the uncle sound like he was some weird guy, and when I met him I actually thought he was pleasant. The day after he left SO made a big deal about how I liked him so much which angered me because I knew what he was getting at. It started a huge fight. Him getting mad because I wouldn’t answer the simple question of if I wanted to have sex with his uncle, and me being upset that he would even ask such a question, and him not trusting me. There was a lot of yelling, he threw my ring out of the window and took off.
When he came back he tried to half heartedly apologize while I sat there bawling. I ran into the bathroom because at that point I wanted to be alone. He followed me in and physically tried to keep me from leaving. I finally decided to listen to his apology and I calmed down. He told me to go upstairs to bed and sleep and that he would stop bothering me. When we got to bed, he expected sex. I was still extremely hurt and was afraid to say anything for fear of making him upset. He was angry when I did not want to sleep with him. I started to cry again so he called me a sad and pathetic person.
He attempted to try and have sex with me, and was only stopped because he said he couldn’t continue while I was whimpering. I turned my back to him and continued crying. Everytime he would talk to me or ask me questions I kept silent. I was scared. He kept grabbing my chin to make me look at him. Finally I thought he gave up. Then a few minutes later he starts touching me and penetrating me with his fingers. I was too scared to tell him to stop. I finally told him he was hurting me and he stopped.
Since then we have agreed to never talk about it.
I wish I had the courage to leave him. If you made it this far, thank you for reading. I just needed to get this all of my chest.
Post # 3
@anonnn123456: He basically raped you. Wow. Just get up and go while he is out of the house. Leave without a trace. Draw out cash and go anywhere paying with it. It will only get worse from here.
Please be strong. I promise you are not as alone as he has made sure you think you are. You are strong enough to leave him.
Post # 4
Darling, I’m sorry what you’ve gone through. That is absolutly horrible. Please get out of it, please find shelter. There is no way you or anyone else deserves this.
Post # 5
@arabbel: +1 exactly what she said
Post # 6
- Wedding: July 2014 - Prague
This is such an ugly story. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
You know what you should do. I know it’s hard and it seems overwhelming, but imagine if he gets you pregnant, how much harder it will be then.
LEAVE. If you know any person, anywhere, go there. If not, go to a shelter. Here’s a number.
In the US: call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE).
- Be ready to leave at a moment’s notice. Keep the car fueled up and facing the driveway exit, with the driver’s door unlocked. Hide a spare car key where you can get it quickly. Have emergency cash, clothing, and important phone numbers and documents stashed in a safe place (at a friend’s house, for example).
- Practice escaping quickly and safely. Rehearse your escape plan so you know exactly what to do if under attack from your abuser. If you have children, have them practice the escape plan also.
- Make and memorize a list of emergency contacts. Ask several trusted individuals if you can contact them if you need a ride, a place to stay, or help contacting the police. Memorize the numbers of your emergency contacts, local shelter, and domestic violence hotline.
Australia: call 1800RESPECT at 1800 737 732.
Worldwide: visit International Directory of Domestic Violence Agencies for a global list of helplines, shelters, and crisis centers.
Post # 7
Do you have family you can stay with?
Post # 8
You need to leave. Find it within yourself and just leave when he is not expected to be home for awhile. Take your clothes and items that you really need and leave everything else.
There are places you can go [such as women’s shelters] that will take you in and can help you along the way.
Post # 9
@anonnn123456: You ARE strong and you can leave. You deserve SO much better. Please call that hotline and talk to someone who can help you get out.
Post # 10
I second the idea of calling the DV hotline immediately. Like now.
You have been so beaten down psychologically, you feel as if you don’t have the strength to leave, but the healthy part of you clearly does. And you can borrow our strength.
Please make that call now.
Post # 11
@anonnn123456: You DO have the strength to leave. If you have the strength to admit that he’s hurting you, you can get out. We’re all going to be your cheerleaders until you leave.
You need more than to just get this off of your chest. You need to get out. What is holding you back? Children? Financial stability? We’re here for you. Don’t give up!!!
Post # 12
Leave now – next time he is out of the house/you are able to get out of the house then just go.
I don’t usually post on these threads but something about yours compelled me to do so. You know you need to leave, please do it…and let us know how you are doing.
Post # 13
@anonnn123456: lady, this is heartbreaking. You already know this isn’t right; a man who loves you wouldn’t behave this way, wouldn’t isolate you, hurt you, and violate you. I am sure he has made you feel like no one cares about you except him. I can assure you that it is NOT true! Please reach out for help, even if it’s just calling a hotline when he isn’t home. Do you work? is your family nearby? Help is out there! Please reach out and don’t give up. It is never hopeless!
Post # 14
This guy is all kinds of messed up and that is not going to change anytime soon.
Why are you choosing to characterize yourself as *not having the strength to leave* and what do you need to do to stop characterizing yourself that way?
Post # 15
giving you a big hug and telling you YOU ARE STRONG ENOUGH TO LEAVE. YOU ARE STRONG ENOUGH TO GET OUT OF THIS SITUATION!! you need to go somewhere safe . do not contact him. i would even call the police and tell them he raped you because he did.
Post # 16
I’ve heard this saying a lot of times in my life and i think it works best here: “you can’t help someone unless they are ready to help themselves” In my opinion, you need to leave. But it is up to you when you can make that happen. There is no specific date or time when you will know this but it’ll click in your head when you’ve had enough. As a man, this makes me very upset! Especially because it gives men a bad name. I also have emotional issues with my parents but that doesn’t mean I can take it out emotionally, sexually, or physically on my Girlfriend.
I’m going to echo some of my fellow Bee’s, but here are a few tips:
Call the Hotline- they are great with tips and suggestions, but also they are there to listen. the suggestions listed up above might work, but tailor them to your situation.
PAY with CASH! it’s very easy to trace purchases with credit cards.
IF it gets abusive, please file police reports! Often if this is taken to court, his defense will argue that you weren’t THAT hurt or scared because you didn’t file police reports. Also take pictures!! IF it ever gets to the point of physical abuse, document it. It makes it easier to file for police protection if they can ACTUALLY see the abuse.
Do you have family you can stay with, or family he doesn’t know about!- Most time abusers check or call with the families of the person whom they are attacking. If it’s in another state, it’s even better.
I hope this helps!