(Closed) I'm in an abusive relationship without the strength to leave

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 32
Member
2107 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I don’t really have anything to add that hasn’t already been said. You need to get out, but you know this. You took the 1st step in telling us. we will all be here for you, cheering you on! But please please get out!

Post # 33
Member
7638 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@anonnn123456:  Please leave him. You must have family or someone to go to you. Or your old friends – I’m sure those who are true friends will ne happy to hear from you. If not, find a shelter. This guy will only get worse, I’m sorry to say.

Post # 34
Member
964 posts
Busy bee

You said yourself that you’ve had a very rocky relationship from the start. It’s been rocky and will likely stay rocky. You’re putting off the inevitable. I’m sure you know intellectually that you have no future with this guy beyond what you can endure until you finally break. So just break now, and be done with it. Short term pain for long term gain. You’re gonna have to do it at some point either way so at least do something good for yourself and call it quits now. Why live through several bleak years if you don’t have to?

Post # 35
Member
407 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@anonnn123456:  This is not okay.  Your relationship is not okay.  You deserve better.

Post # 36
Member
11129 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

I’ve been there, too.  After one especially horrid night, I realized my ex h is an abuser.  I had to live with him while waiting for my new place to close escrow.  Well, I thought I had to because I had 5 German Shepherds at the time & couldn’t imagine a hotel taking us.  We lived in the country back then.

I had this crazy idea that I could live alone but still be with the ex– that’s how much I didn’t want to let go.  Of course, the narcissist couldn’t deal with being left & set about replacing me asap.

Many abusers will do that because so many are narcissists.  The PP is right– he doesn’t love you.  He can’t because he’s broken & you can’t fix him.

Today, I’m happily married to a true gentleman who doesn’t have any abusive tendancies.

I shudder to think what my life would be had I stayed with the ex.  Assuming I’d still be alive.

 

Post # 37
Member
1516 posts
Bumble bee

You sound like a smart girl, and from your post it seems you know this is bullsh*t and no one should tolerate such treatment.

But it’s up to you to determine how much longer you want to continue to experience all the pain and sh*t treatment from this guy.  You can either be happy or miserable & stuck.  In order for you to reach happiness, it’s going to require courage and strength from you to leave and have the resiliency to endure the loneliness & fear that will follow the break-up.  But on the other side of that, you will have your happiness and a chance to have the love life your heart desires.  But if you continue to stay where you are, you won’t have to go through any unconfortable-ness or need much strength to remain status quo — BUT the trade-off is you will always be in constant pain and always be in fear of the violence and abuse this guy will wreak on you for the rest of your life.  

The choice is up to you.  This is YOUR life and no one can make it better for you.  But as a woman who has gone through the fear, uncomfortableness, and heart-breaking loneliness after being in an abusive relationship, the life you will have beyond it is SO worth facing your fears and leaving the abuse for the unknown.  Where you are, you are not living life but rather you are a voluntary hostage in a violent and terrible cycle of abuse.  There are so wonderful and extraordinary things this world has to offer, but it is your choice whether or not you have this in your life.

Post # 38
Member
11735 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@anonnn123456:  you Do have the strength to leavr, it’s just hiding deep inside you. You are so brave and strong for sharing your story with us and reaching out for support. Keep digging down inside you for that strength. It’s in there I promise! It’s not easy to find but you can and will do it! 

Post # 39
Member
1316 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - NH

Do you have a safe place to go to?  You deserve better than this.  One thing you might want to think of…if he takes it farther than he did this last time and you end up pregnant, is he the person you want to have in your child’s life?  Don’t get trapped into a life with someone like this…leave now, before there is more complicating it further. 

Post # 40
Member
1154 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@anonnn123456:   Listen to me very carefully. I know what you’re going through, because I’ve done it before with my dad. I KNOW that it is very hard to imagine leaving even though you want to deep inside.  But you have to. You really really have to. Because you are responsible for your own health, and staying is fatal.  I hope that you’re at the point that you’ve had enough, because that’s what it takes.  Stop being sad that your relationship isn’t what you want it to be and just GET ANGRY.  Who the fuck treats people like this?  He’s a sorry excuse for a human being and sees you as an object of gratification.  THAT IS NOT OKAY.  And if you stay, you’re saying that it is okay.  Please call the hotline or contact ANY social worker.  Because it has to come from you.  You have to tell them, and when you do, it will all be over. I promise. They take care of you and they make sure you never see the person again unless you want to. 

 

 

 

Please don’t wait as long as I did because you loved the person.  Love is not enough. 

 

Post # 41
Member
18628 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Oh girl, my heart hears for you.  Please please just leave the house when he isn’t home even if you don’t have the “strength” to tell him to his face.  You need to get out before he escalates, which he will.

Post # 42
Member
780 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@anonnn123456:  Go. Plan. Leave.  That behavior only gets worse.  They say the power of a woman’s intuition is second only to Mother Nature’s wrath.  Enough said.

be safe; think clearly; don’t raise any flags/fights with him; just slip out like a ninja, seriously.

Post # 43
Member
9123 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

If you can post on a website, you can walk out the door.  I don’t mean to minimize what a huge step that it is to leave, but seriously.  Grab a bag of important stuff while he’s not there and JUST WALK OUT THE DOOR.  And don’t communicate with him again.  

You can do it!

Post # 44
Member
780 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

View original reply
@lolot:  Agree.  @OP, I hope you are fine, really.

Post # 45
Member
1112 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@anonnn123456:  LEAVE HIM.  You don’t deserve this.  It will be really hard at first – really really hard.  But you do have the courage to leave him.  If you dont leave them, then what, will you get married?!  That is a terrible idea – get out while you have the time and quit wasting yours and his time.  

Post # 46
Member
2959 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I left an abusive relationship many moons ago. I ad no job, no money and literaly left with the clothes on my back, my infant daughter and a suitcase. Luckily, it was still warm weather because we were homeless for about 2 weeks before we found shelter. Yeah it was really hard. It was also the BEST move I made in my life. Life can and WILL get better, but you must leave this poor excuse of a man.

The topic ‘I'm in an abusive relationship without the strength to leave’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors