(Closed) I’m in extreme shock… (long)

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2091 posts
Buzzing bee

I was just excited to have MY day. Just one day, yes, but that day would be the best day of my life. For once I wouldn’t have my parents on my back about something, my family would say how beautiful I look etc.”

Maybe I’m not quite understanding the problem you’re having with this, but won’t you still get all of that?

Post # 3
Member
2091 posts
Buzzing bee

oops double post

Post # 3
Member
330 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I know how you feel, sort of. Once my Fiance and I got engaged this past November, I was so stoked and excited to get to be married and have an amazing day that would be MINE. But then, seriously two weeks later, my FI’s dad proposed to his girlfriend of a few months and everyone is all about them. Although I am happy for him, he deserves someone after all of this time, but I just feel like it was sort of selfish that he would propose so closely after his son proposed to me. And he even told my Fiance that he didn’t buy the ring until after we got engaged.

 

This propbably makes me a complete bitch too, but I wanted to be able to enjoy my engagement with family, but now it is as though it had been taken away. I’m probably making a big deal out of this…

Post # 4
Member
330 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Double post =P

Post # 5
Member
46606 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@anonybee300: I don’t think there is anything to say. You have already said it. We can’t help how we feel and we are entitled to our feelings.

It is by our actions we will be judged.

Post # 7
Member
2295 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@anonybee300: hmmm well pardon my reading comprehension fail (Im sick! Please forgive!) but how long have they been together anyways? I mean, could it be that they want to take their relationship to the next level (read, move in together) but they feel they cant unless they have your parents approval, and thus need to be engaged? I mean it sounds like your brother regards his parents views really highly (like how he said you were making a mistake by moving out?) So perhaps this is his way of wanting to move forward in his relationship. I mean it could be that they are in love and want to be together forever, but even Im a bit hesitant to not worry about their age, and usually Im the one saying it doesnt matter what age you are, but your maturity level.

About them stealing your moment, you feel really overwhelmed right now so perhaps taking some time to digest is in order, and remember that your his sister, and your wedding will be important, and still will be highlighted despite all this. We care, and Im sure your FI’s side cares, so in the long run, you will still have that moment- no one can take it away unless you allow yourself to  care so much so that they do, at least in your eyes. If this is really what they want and they are ready though, remember that the ease of their relationship does not diminish the strength and history of yours, even if they get married right after you. No one can diminish the meaning of your relationship. If you act, walk and talk tall, you are tall, you know what I mean? Be confident in your relationship, its meaning to you, and I gurantee it will show and you will shine. Thats whats important right now.

Post # 8
Member
1166 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@anonybee300: You say, “I just want that day to be all about us and nothing else.” How will it be about anything else? What are you afraid will happen, now that your brother is going to be engaged?

You’ve been engaged since November, your brother will get engaged in May, you will get married in November, and they plan to get married next spring/summer… and you consider that being *right after* you? Six to nine months just doesn’t seem that close to me.

Your reasons for being upset are all over the place…are you sure you really understand what’s bothering you? Is it the fear of being upstaged? Attention taken away from you? Or are you legitimately afraid your brother is making a mistake?

Post # 10
Member
1550 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

your day will be your day, regardless of when your brother and his Fiance tie the knot. On your day, people will not be thinking of him, nor will they be thinking of you on his day. It doesn’t matter whether they are 3 weeks, 3 moths, or 3 years apart.

Post # 11
Member
1166 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@anonybee300: No worries; you can’t help feeling what you feel. Glad you’re over the initial angst.  I posed those questions because whenever I have an “irrational” emotional reaction to something, I always find it valuable to make sure I really understand what I’m upset about.

Sounds like it’s not really about the timing, and maybe not even that you think he’s making a mistake … but perhaps that you (and your FI) are still dealing with your parents’ disapproval of your choices (in living with your Fiance and waiting to get married) and then here comes your brother, doing it “right” in their eyes but maybe a bit hastily in your eyes. (Does that ring true to you?) As much as you love your brother and his girlfriend, a little jealousy/resentment in that situation would be understandable.

Post # 14
Member
2373 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

I think this is one of those situtions where you just have to let things happen and be genuinely happy for them. Their engagement in May will not effect your wedding.

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