(Closed) I’m in TROUBLE…so embarrassed and need help!! please!

posted 7 years ago in Money
Post # 3
Member
668 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@katiee0707:  “When it gets to that much money, what’s the difference anyway, right?! but now, I am regretting this and all the contracts and wish I just had a beach wedding in Hawaii with only our closest friends.”

You said it all right there. Focus on what is really important. At the end of the day, if you marry the man you love then it was a SUCCESS! We’ve all had ideas and dreams of what our wedding might be like someday, but when it comes down to reality, you have to be practical too. Trust me, YOUR FRIENDS WILL UNDERSTAND. Personally, if I was attending a big fancy wedding that I knew the couple couldn’t afford, I would feel AWFUL. Like I was somehow responsible for giving them money problems. And do you really want to start your marriage with so much debt? You always hear that money is the #1 problem couples face.

My suggestion is you and your fiance each write down your top 3 (only 3!) most important things you want for your wedding. It sounds like you already have a dress, so that’s taken care of. Come to a consensus on your combined top 3 and let the rest go. Your memories will be equally as beautiful if you don’t have top shelf liquor or truffle oil canapes. Focus on what is important. And breathe!!!! It will all be fine!!!!

Post # 4
Member
1212 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Oh dear. This is what I like to call a first world problem.

If you want a big extravangant wedding you need to pay for it. If you have no money and can’t pay, you can’t have that wedding.

You really only have 2 options,

1. Cancel the big wedding, cut your losses on the deposits you lose, and have a smaller simpler wedding on a very tight budget.

Or

2. Cancel the big wedding, cut your losses on the deposits you lose, and save, pay off debts, save some more, and keep saving until you can comfortably afford your dream wedding.

What you choose depends on how urgently you feel you need to get married. If you are happy to wait and save then do it, if not, have a smaller wedding on a smaller budget.

Remember the wedding is just one day in your whole life, it’s the marriage that counts.

Post # 5
Member
886 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Agreed with all of the above. It sucks that money will come between you and your dream wedding, but as others have said, it’s just one day. I’ve been to plenty fancy weddings that were just plain boring. I’ve also been to very budget weddings that were amazing. I’ve seen examples of all this here on the bee as well. Money doesn’t equate with happiness or quality in every single instance. Keep that in mind when you budget. Your guests won’t remember all the decor and fancy whatever you might be obsessed with. All they will care about will be the food, alcohol and seeing a happy couple all night! And even then “food” doesn’t have to equate with filet mignon etc! Oh, and you made promises of what the wedding would be like probably before you lost/left your jobs. I’m sure no one would hold you against what you said earlier given that big change. Good luck!

Post # 8
Member
1212 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

The idea is that you get out of your videography contract, and then don’t hire a new one. You don’t need a videographer to get married. These are the essentials you need for a wedding:

Celebrant who can legally officiate

Marriage liscense

Bride

Groom

2 witnesses

Anything additional is just gravy. Cut videography and photography, ask a friend to take photos. Cut gourmet catering, have simple food. Cut florist, DIY flowers. Cut honeymoon, cut band, cut alcohol, cut your guestlist to the bare minimum.

Or, save up until you can afford the big wedding.

Either way, if you are $20,000 in debt and earning no money, you should postpone your wedding until your debts are under control and you have a reliable income and can budget for a wedding.

Post # 10
Member
668 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

One idea for a photographer or videographer, or really any kind of service you want to save on, check out your local community college. Post some flyers up asking for interested aspiring photogs to contact you. You can meet with them, check out some of their work, and decide if they are a good personality fit for you. I’m sure they’d be thrilled with whatever you could pay them, and even if they’ve never shot a wedding before, who cares? Maybe you will end up with some amazing artistic photos that no one else has ever had! I’d say the same for hair/make up/ flowers. Check out your local sources and think outside the box!

Post # 11
Member
9674 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

i agree with PP’s, and i think the top 3 is a fantastic idea, will help you realise what you need as opposed to the extra icing on the cake, for example my top thing (besides marrying my FI) is the church where i was christened, the church where my parents and grandparents got married, and that is even more important than the dress for me! i have dreamed of a horse and carriage, i would love one, but i have other things that are more important, and if i need to cut the hore and carriage to get married in that church i will πŸ™‚ i think prioritising what is more important is very helpful πŸ™‚

DIY! anything you can do DIY, like centerpieces, favours, etc will make a huge difference!

I agree with @Roux:  you don’t need a videographer, do you have any friends into photography? and any who have a video camera? definitely utilise the resources you have around you, you never know what skills your friends have that can help you out πŸ™‚ and i am sure they would be happy to do that rather than you having to go into huge debt to finance the wedding πŸ™‚

Post # 12
Member
668 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Also, as for getting out of your contracts you should really notify them as soon as you can. If you explain the situation I’m sure they would understand. You might not get your whole deposit back, but the longer you wait the more mad they will get.

Post # 13
Member
9674 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

@katiee0707:  i definitely understand wanting a video to show your kids, i love watching my parents’ wedding video! but theirs was taken by my mum’s sister and brother in law, as were the photos, and they look great πŸ™‚ and not just random photos taken by relatives at random times, they actually posed for them, etc like they would for a proper photographer, just had her sister take the photos πŸ™‚ and my aunt is planning on taking engagement photos of my Fiance and I as an engagement gift to us, which is really amazing, she takes great photos πŸ™‚

Post # 14
Member
88 posts
Worker bee

Oh Honey, so sorry to hear this. have you thought of maybe inviting alot of these people to the reception only. No dinner. As these is where would save the most amount of money. Something like this happened to my friend where things financially changed a few months before her wedding (after save the dates were sent out) and she only had her family for dinner and friends came for the reception only. If not, why dont you and your hubby just go away. Your true friends and family will understand. Esp that they know that neither of you are working. Honestly, it isnt worth getting in debt over.Good luck.

Post # 15
Member
4367 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Okay.  So you’re in a pickle.  And I hope we’ve learnt a lesson here.

If we were talking a few thousand then cutting things would help.  But needing an extra $30,000… no amount of cutting would help that short of cancelling the whole thing.

If Weddingbee has taught me anything it is that you can have a great wedding on a tight budget!  It’s the wedding magazines and shows that say you can’t.

Since you asked, I will offer suggestions on what to cut.  But I honestly think that @Roux has the best solutions.

  • Alcohol: make it a cash bar and provide soft drinks only
  • Cake: have a small wedding cake for cutting and then provide cheaper alternatives, make them yourself
  • Dessert: cut
  • Canapes: cut
  • Hire a different caterer: buffet-style
  • Wedding dress: sell it and get a cheaper one
  • Video: cut
  • Photography: hire a student
  • Flowers: cut or make/buy paper flowers
  • Make your invites (if you’ve not already got them)
  • Lgihting: cut
  • Chair covers: cut

Sadly, you cn’t have everything when you have no money.

You may lose money in deposits, but long term losing a little is better than not being able to pay for it at all.  I want to repeat that I think you should consider cancelling.

You might have to be upfront with you vendors: tell them you cannot afford the wedding.

Best of luck.

 

Post # 16
Member
4367 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Forgot: cut honeymoon and have it at a later date, when you can afford it.

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