(Closed) I’m insecure and probably overreacting, why?!

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
6571 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

five years is a long time to be in a relationship with someone. i think it’s completely normal to kind of want to just move on with your life, and especially not want to see the other person with their husband, or even show off your fi in front of them. i was in a 7 1/2 year relationship and of course we kept in touch after it ended, but when i met my fi i felt like i just didn’t have any need for him anymore. and like i said, i wanted to move on with my life, he’s my past.

Post # 4
Member
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I can see why you might feel insecure about it but I personally think it’s good he doesn’t have or want contact with her. I’m more of the jealous type and I wouldn’t want my Fiance to have exes involved in his/our life. It would just piss me off. None of my exes are in my/our life. It’s just easier that way. Some people can be friends with exes and that’s all well and good for them, but if he doesn’t want a relationship with her I don’t see why you should let that bother you. It’s his choice. They are the ones that have a past together and I think you should respect his decision not to want her in his life, whatever the reason.

Post # 5
Member
436 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Maybe he just realized that he was basing their friendship solely on the fact that they were together for so long, and just doesn’t really feel the need to be friendly with her anymore.  There is no harm there, and I really don’t think you should be upset by it!  And yes, it is just your insecurities talking suggesting that this means “something happened”  ๐Ÿ˜‰  don’t fret unless you have a really good reason to

Post # 6
Member
4464 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Maybe he’s just trying to move forward/on with his life?  I don’t think it has anything to do with him being hurt or having feelings for her.  To me, it seems a bit strange to remain friends with a girl you dated in high school and her now husband.  Maybe your Fiance feels the same way?  That he’s moving onto a different chapter in his life and keeping this relationship is awkward and pretty uneccessary?

To clarify, my Fiance kind of had a similar story.  He dated a girl for over 4 years through high school and some of college.  They broke it off about a year before he started dating me.  I would think it was pretty strange if they still hung out and stuff.  She tried to contact him for years after they broke up.  Fiance felt it wasn’t really necessary for her to be in his life anymore.  People grow up and move on, simple as that.

Post # 8
Member
563 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I stayed friends with my ex-fiance, and when he started dating his girlfriend there were a lot of obstacles (his parents and friends really disliked her, and he made a lot of promises that he didn’t follow through on).  I figured the last thing in the world she needed on top of dealing with all that was to deal with an ex hanging around.  So I limited significantly the amount of time I spent talking to him, and very rarely saw him.  It might be possible that your Fiance doesn’t want to interfere with his exes marriage, and that is why he pulled away.

Post # 9
Member
436 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

It was probably just a wake up call for him!  Even if he was secretly pining for her up until her engagement, he realized it and doesn’t want to anymore.  I doubt that’s the case, but it really really doesn’t sound bad to an outsider (or this outsider, anyway).  She’s moved on, so has he, and you should too!  And whatever you feel (cause I know you can’t help feelings!) DO NOT ASK HIM WHY.  It will only come off as insecure and unattractive.  Just accept that their friendship is over and move on, would be my suggestion. (again, i recognize that this is easier said than done when you’re curious, but it really does not seem fishy with the facts you’ve provided) 

Post # 11
Member
327 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2000

I could understand them being friends if it was mutual or they had split a long time ago and the feelings had long since vanished.

But it sounds like Fiance just wants to move on. I kept in minimal contact with my ex, until I realized he was dating someone else. It was just really tough, and even though by that time I was engaged to Fiance, it didn’t change my questions of why could he commit to her and not me. I don’t want to chagne things, and I love my Fiance more than anything, but it just made me realize that by keeping in contact with my ex, I was keeping open a door to the past that needed to be shut.

I can’t imagine being friends with FI’s ex, or him being friends with my ex. I’d talk with your Fiance about why he doesn’t want to see them. I think in this kind if situation, regardless of how much you and his ex get along, you have to follow your FI’s lead on how much contact with them he’s comfortable with.

Post # 12
Member
11324 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

It seems to me that what you’re afraid of (and not saying) is that he still loves her and could handle her dating someone else but can’t handle seeing her married and THAT is why he stopped contact. 

I would look at it the other way. I would say wow… her getting engaged must have made him really evaluate what he wants in life and what he wants is you! So why be friends with this girl? Why have her in his life? He has all he needs in you and any closeness he used to feel has been extinguished. 

Post # 13
Member
1732 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I wouldn’t want to be friends with someone who cheated on me after 5 years of dating either.  Would you?

Post # 14
Member
3124 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

to me, the fiance not wanting to spend time with the ex is a good thing, and i’d accept it happily and leave it at that ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 16
Member
4023 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Sounds like my man, kinda. He had has gf for like 3 or so years, then they broke up when she went to college in a different state. They stayed BEST FRIENDS and always hung out and talked. They would still even go to the movies together and stuff. Since we started dating, and got serious, he tells  me that she annoys him and that he doesn’t really even like her. But when we were putting our guest list together, he wanted to invite her! I am totally confused, and upset! I know I overreact a lot, and that I get upset about stupid things I shouldn’t. I have those thoughts that he must have feelings for her still and such, but I don’t know what it is. Sorry I’m not much help, but at least you know you aren’t alone!

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