Post # 1
Recently I was reading about the statistics of sexual abuse in homes of foster chilren, and it broke my heart. I have always wanted to adopt. and my husband has been supportive of the idea, although he also wants biological children. We have been married just under a year, and have discussed children in the next 3-5 years. However, fostering children has begun to be constantly on my mind, and I want to learn more. Rather than bringing more children into this overpopulated world, I would rather help provide an already existent child a better life. My husband and I are good people, and we live a wonderful life and I feel like it would be wasteful to not share our joy with children who need a family. I know very little about fostering and adopting, but I really want to hear from those who have done it. I have heard it is extremely difficult, but I think it would be worth it.
Have any of you done it? Was your spouse on board at first? Do you have any resources I could read?
Post # 2
I haven’t done either, so I don’t have any first hand experience to offer you. But I’m of the same mindset as you. I’ve been reading up on fostering laws, rules, procedures in my state. I would do a google search of your state to see about first steps. In my area the first step is attending an orientation event where they give you all the info and you can ask questions.
Good luck and please let us know how it goes!
Post # 3
jimonabee89 : Following because this is a goal of my Fiance & I as well.
My Fiance has researched fostering/adoption in the past. He seems to have the impression (and I agree) that fostering children might be a better goal for AFTER having or adopting children.
From what we’ve read, fostering can be very challenging (foster children often have specific needs or histories)- it’s maybe not best to do while tending for a baby or small child. Also, for us specifically, I think we would be better foster parents after having had a bit of experience raising our own son/daughter.
Post # 4
it definitely seems challenging.
my friend is fostering two children with his wife. They have no children of their own, yet.
It seems.. really tough. It was a while ago when I was filled in about the kids but there are the bare details.. they alone illustrate how tough it is:
– they are fostering two children: one was 3 and the other was newborn when they took them in–they’ve had them for a little over a year now.
– his wife needs to drive the kids to see their bio mom 2x per week and bio dad 1x per week.. each parent lives about an hour away from them, so that’s a lot of driving. It must have been extra tough when the baby was a newborn.
– the older one who can talk is starting to call foster parents “mom” and “dad”, which is painful for everyone involved–they try to discourage it, even though doing so upsets him (or her? I can’t remember)
– the younger one very obviously prefers the foster parents to the bio parents.. it’s all she knows.
– in a year or so bio mom will be able to take the kids back.. and of course she wants to. On the one hand they are happy for her to be getting back on her feet etc.. on the other hand, they’ve already become very attached and of course as the year progresses will continue to be attached. It will be very difficult on the kids too, of course.
so yeah. It sounds like they get all the exhaustion of raising two small children, plus a lot of extra emotional exhaustion.