Post # 1
A couple of months ago my boyfriend Jared and his mother Jennifer were invited to a wedding in VT. Jared got a separate card and it was addressed for him and a guest.The bride is my boyfriend’s childhood friend; her parents are very good friends with Jennifer (my boyfriend’s mother) and father.
The bride’s parents know about me because Jennifer has talk to them about me and in a conversation they had after she got he invitation; they mentioned that the wedding was a great ocassion to meet me.
I am very anxious about this weeding, not only I don’t know anybody but I feel a great deal of pression to make a good impression. I somewhat feel different because I am Colombian and have dar skin and (Don’t get me wrong, I don’t feel like I am less than anybody, I am who I am and proud) but I know how it feels to be discriminated and it makes me worried that something like that might happen. I have never felt discriminated around my boyfriend’s family, I feel very loved but I don’t know this people or anybody and the feeling of the uncertain is killing me.
On top of it all, I don’t know if I should bring a gift. If I have to, what should I bring???
Please I need some advice, the date is getting closer and as I get closer the more I am freaking out!!
Thank you in advance…
Post # 3
Wow! That is so sweet they included you in their wedding day! I think this would be a wonderful opportunity to get to meet your boyfriends family friends.
Honestly- I think the very gesture that they are extending such a momentus day with Jared and letting him choose who he wants to share that moment with should alleviate any concerns you may have.
Generally- When I went to a wedding with my boyfriend (now fiance) we would either talk about what we wanted to do for gifts together. If the married couple to-be had a gift registry online- we both pitched in half and half for a gift and sent it to the couple in advance in both our names. But you and your boyfriend can bring a gift in both your names too if you would like. The gift thing, don’t get so stressed out about that- your boyfriend knows them really well, so maybe he can just pick the gift.
As far as feeling out of place because you are Columbian-. I wouldn’t worry about it. I am Puerto Rican and my fiance is Taiwanese. I went to plenty of weddings where I was the minority- and vice versa for my Fiance. I was a little worried like you were- but I realized all I can do is be me, and if other people had hang ups- I couldn’t let it get to me because I know who I am. At the end of the day, I lived my life surrounding myself with people who embraced me for me. When I went to events though- I never had any issues. The day wasn’t about me, but someone else (so the focus wasn’t on me). And the married couple are generally happy to include anyone who might shape their life positively. So going to events where we were the minority is few and far between- we are blessed to have many friends who represent diverse backgrounds, and the point is sharing togetherness and friendship. Your boyfriend wouldn’t be with you if he didn’t think you had something wonderful to contribute to his life or others lives.
Think positively! Go enjoy yourself! They included you without a second thought! That is a good sign! Just be yourself, and spend the time getting to know the people that shaped your boyfriends life too!
Since I am Puerto Rican- from one latina girl to another— I am sure you have spark, wit, spunkyness and spirit that will shine through. Where you come from isn’t as important as who you are and what you bring to Jared’s life.
Have fun. Now go find a cute outfit and figure out what to do with your hair.
Post # 4
A wedding is actually a great way to meet the family. They will all have other things on their minds, nobody will have as much time to spend with you as they might at a regular family dinner, and since there are so many guests, nobody will really expect you to remember who they are.
You’ve got no responsibility to bring a gift of your own – you were invited as the guest of your boyfriend. The two of you should pick out a gift together. It would be nice of you to offer to pay for part of the gift if you can.
My husband met most of my family at a family reunion – there were a ton of people and I’m sure he was a little intimidated. Before we went, I made up a list of the aunts and uncles, and we talked through them – so that he knew where they lived, what they did for a living, and a little bit about their personalities. That way, when I introduced him to "Uncle Phil" he already knew enough to make conversation. If you can do this with your boyfriend, I’m sure it will help you feel a little bit more comfortable.
And seriously – the most likely thing is that everybody will like you a lot. If they had some idea that you were completely inappropriate and they hated the idea of you dating their friend, I’m sure they wouldn’t have invited him to bring you. The fact that they are excited to meet you means that they are anticipating liking you. Just relax, have a great time with your boyfriend, and think how much fun it will be to hear all the stories about him from his childhood friends!