Post # 1
I’m in the process of sending him and email and hope I get the response I want.
A little back story about my dad. When my mom got pregnant, he took off. My mom was 24 he was 32, old enough to take responsibility for what he did. He paid his child support whenever he felt like it and married a 19 year old soon after my mom had me. I was told that if I ever went to my dads house that he would slam the door in my face. When I was 22, on New Years Eve, I had had enough and if he slammed the door in my face then I would know how to start my year off. His now ex wife answered the door with my sister standing behind her and when I introduced myself as Stephens daughter, my sisters jaw dropped. Pam and Stephen had hid me from their 2 kids. She sent my brother and sister downstairs and showed me pictures of the family. She told me where he was and we exchanged contact information.
Fast forward 5 months. I get a letter in the mail addressed to me from my dad. I opened it and he was apologizing for not being a part of my life for 22 years and wanted to be a part of it now if I wanted him to. I met him a week later. We are exactly alike. We had a decent relationship for 2 years. We stopped talking and got into an argument in Dec. of 09 and he’s only called me once to tell me his mom passed away.
The wedding is in two months and more than anything I want him there. I miss him being a part of my life and my mom tells me to do whatever I want. He’s a negative person and that’s where I get it from. He used to tell me what I was doing wrong a lot and how I could do this better and I should stop doing that. I never got to have a father/daughter dance in school like the other girls did and this is my chance to have one. My brother, from my mom, is walking me down the aisle. He’s been there for me and his every right to give me away.
I’m just really nervous that if I send him an email and an invitation that he will tell me off and say he doesn’t want anything to do with me anymore. Anyone else have/had a similar situation?
Post # 3
I can’t relate to your situation but if your heart is telling you to invite him, then invite him.
It is a once-in-a-lifetime day so unfortunately you won’t be able t o have a “re-do” if you don’t invite him.
You won’t know what he will say until you send him an invite.
Post # 4
He read the email 30 mins ago and hasn’t responded. I kind of wish I hadn’t sent it now. I doubt he’ll respond back.
Post # 5
I had a similar situation with my wedding. My parents divorced when I was 6 and my dad was in and out of my life. He was a very wealthy man and we lived in poverty. He stopped paying for my college mid semester one year and I couldn’t even get my transcripts released since i owed the school money, hence taking me 6 years to graduate college. He was verbally abusive and frankly, I didn’t need him in my life.
Well I decided that I would have to invite him to my wedding but he was not walking me down the aisle, my mother was. My mom who was both mother and father to me, was not going to share the spotlight of my day. He even said once I got engaged that he hoped I wasn’t expected him to pay for my wedding. So I mailed him the invitation and let him know that he wasn’t going to walk me down and no father/daughter dance. He freaked out and screamed and carried on that how embarrassed he would be if he attended and didn’t get to do that and I was bascially going to be screaming to everyone how I felt about him. Needless to say, I called him basically a sperm donor who gave up the right to walk me down and if he was going to make it all about his comfort level, then I guess he really didn’t care about me. He rsvped no, and we didn’t speak for years (I am on the boards for my daughter). I tried through the years to stay in touch. When my first child was born, I sent him picutres (this was all back before the internet), and he would occasionally acknowledge that he got the pcitures. We drifted in and out of each other’s lives. He didn’t want to be a dad and he certainly didn’t want to be a granddad. His wife treated us very poorly and I finally had enough of it.
My father is currently in a nursing home (darling young wife, put him there and is living the high life on his money) and I have no remorse or desire to go see him.
Do what is best for you, but remember that you can’t change someone and he has been very absent from you life for a long time. Do what is going to make you very happy and do not worry about his feeling.
I hope your wedding day is smashing and best of luck!
Post # 6
Sounds like a complicated situation. I’ve never been close to my father and have been contemplating sending him an invitation as well. Like you, I miss having my father in my life.
Regardless of whether or not we invite them to the wedding, and regardless of whether or not they come, we should at least reach out to them to include them in our lives. If that’s what we really want, we should take steps in that direction.
Post # 7
I completely understand where you are coming from. There are times that I’m screw him, he wasn’t there and didn’t want to be there for me and I don’t need him in my life. He hasn’t contacted me in over a year, why should I try contacting him again.
But something is making me miss him and I don’t know what it is.
Post # 8
Not only are we date twins, but I have daddy angst too. Well, not really angst since I’ve just “put it in the box and left it alone” (yes, therapy is expensive and teaches you to say fun things like that). Anywho, for me, not inviting my father was a no brainer. Not only did I want to avoid the extra drama for myself, I didn’t want my guests, who are mainly family and certainly know my father, to feel uncomfortable. For me, that was paramount. Ask yourself how your mom and your other family members will feel to share the day with the man who hasn’t been there for you and who has made your life harder by being absent. Ask yourself that question too.
The thing making you miss him is that fact that he’s your dad and no girl wants to get married without her daddy. It sucks, but it is what it is. We have to learn to enjoy what we have right here and right now. Best of luck. Believe me, I know it blows.
Post # 9
My mom doesn’t care but I think it would upset my grandpa. He’s always been angry with him for what he did to my mom and I.
Post # 10
So he emailed me back. Said he would come as a guest but not as my dad. He said I shouldn’t have to explain anything that day. I told him I didn’t care and everyone who was going to be there knows the history.
I think he’s using this as a cop out. I told him to be honest that if he doesn’t want anything to do with me to just tell me. He ended the email with, Love Dad.
I’m sitting here at work crying because I want so bad for him to be there, as my dad. I guess I’m that pathetic that he won’t even claim me as his daughter at my wedding. He wont’ be walking me down the aisle and he wont’ be giving a speech. He’ll be there for me and to dance with me, that’s all I want.