(Closed) I’m inviting my dad to our wedding…

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
2204 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I can’t relate to your situation but if your heart is telling you to invite him, then invite him.

It is a once-in-a-lifetime day so unfortunately you won’t be able t o have a “re-do” if you don’t invite him.

You won’t know what he will say until you send him an invite.

Post # 5
10 posts


I had a similar situation with my wedding.  My parents divorced when I was 6 and my dad was in and out of my life.  He was a very wealthy man and we lived in poverty.  He stopped paying for my college mid semester one year and I couldn’t even get my transcripts released since i owed the school money, hence taking me 6 years to graduate college.  He was verbally abusive and frankly, I didn’t need him in my life.

Well I decided that I would have to invite him to my wedding but he was not walking me down the aisle, my mother was.  My mom who was both mother and father to me, was not going to share the spotlight of my day.  He even said once I got engaged that he hoped I wasn’t expected him to pay for my wedding.  So I mailed him the invitation and let him know that he wasn’t going to walk me down and no father/daughter dance.  He freaked out and screamed and carried on that how embarrassed he would be if he attended and didn’t get to do that and I was bascially going to be screaming to everyone how I felt about him.  Needless to say, I called him basically a sperm donor who gave up the right to walk me down and if he was going to make it all about his comfort level, then I guess he really didn’t care about me.  He rsvped no, and we didn’t speak for years (I am on the boards for my daughter).  I tried through the years to stay in touch.  When my first child was born, I sent him picutres (this was all back before the internet), and he would occasionally acknowledge that he got the pcitures.  We drifted in and out of each other’s lives.  He didn’t want to be a dad and he certainly didn’t want to be a granddad.  His wife treated us very poorly and I finally had enough of it. 

My father is currently in a nursing home (darling young wife, put him there and is living the high life on his money) and I have no remorse or desire to go see him.

Do what is best for you, but remember that you can’t change someone and he has been very absent from you life for a long time.  Do what is going to make you very happy and do not worry about his feeling.

I hope your wedding day is smashing and best of luck!

Post # 6
22 posts
  • Wedding: April 2011

Sounds like a complicated situation. I’ve never been close to my father and have been contemplating sending him an invitation as well. Like you, I miss having my father in my life.

Regardless of whether or not we invite them to the wedding, and regardless of whether or not they come, we should at least reach out to them to include them in our lives.  If that’s what we really want, we should take steps in that direction.

Post # 8
158 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Not only are we date twins, but I have daddy angst too.  Well, not really angst since I’ve just “put it in the box and left it alone” (yes, therapy is expensive and teaches you to say fun things like that).  Anywho, for me, not inviting my father was a no brainer.  Not only did I want to avoid the extra drama for myself, I didn’t want my guests, who are mainly family and certainly know my father, to feel uncomfortable.  For me, that was paramount.  Ask yourself how your mom and your other family members will feel to share the day with the man who hasn’t been there for you and who has made your life harder by being absent.  Ask yourself that question too.

The thing making you miss him is that fact that he’s your dad and no girl wants to get married without her daddy.  It sucks, but it is what it is.  We have to learn to enjoy what we have right here and right now.  Best of luck.  Believe me, I know it blows.

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