Post # 1
Recently, I got asked a question by a cousin’s SO.
” So you’re JUST a stay at home mom, then??”
REALLY??!!?? ok she didn’t emphasize the word “just” as i did in the sentence above, but thats how it feels when I get asked that question. I have a one yr old and a four yr old, I got pregnant when I was 20. I have a highschool diploma and thats about it. Do I wish I went to school and got my degree? You bet!! Spending every minute nurturing and discipling my children is not something that I can replace though. It is extremely important for me to be a stay at home mom. Please don’t think I am judging any mother who went back to school or works. It’s just that somedays are so hectic with dr appointments, book orders, school, library club, poopy diapers, laundry, supper, cleaning, playing, etc and then to say I am JUST a stay at home mom??? Anyone here get asked that question, and how do you respond???
Post # 3
@Bostonsmom: I don’t have kids, so I haven’t had to deal with this question myself, but my mother was a stay at home mom, and she had to deal with that attitude all the time. It constantly frustrated her. She always said that she worked harder as a stay at home mom than in any job she had before that. Don’t let anyone belittle you for choosing to be the best mother you can be. I promise that your kids will appreciate it one day.
Post # 4
My own mom was a Stay-At-Home Mom, and I’m thankful that I’m able to be one for my kids, too. I’ve never had anyone say something rude like that to me, lol, but I do get that “look” every once in awhile. Like, how could you stoop so low? I don’t get it, but to each her own I guess. I won’t lie, sometimes I miss having another job with a passion (especially one with an actual salary, lol), but for now, things are great!
Post # 5
I’m a stay at home mom, except for this time of year. May sound odd, but I like to get out and help people pick presents for their loved ones (or themselves). I had a guy last year show me a picture of his beautiful wife and ask me to please help him find the perfect gift because she deserved it.
I have degree and will go back into my field next fall because she will be in kindergarten. I have come across this attitude before and, while it sometimes bothers me, usually I shrug it off because I know many mothers would love to stay home with their babies.
Post # 6
Im in the same boat at you Bostonsmum, Im 20 and just have had my first son and I cop alot too. They presume that I’m stupid, immature, etc but I know that is far from true. When he’s a bit older I want to start studying a certificate/ degree part time but I’m not really in any hurry. At the end of the day I look at it like when I die people aren’t going to say ‘wow she was really good at her job’, I’d much rather them say ‘wow, she was an amazing caring mum’. I don’t know if it comes across as morbid but this is how I want to live my life 🙂 My son trumps all and is way more important than any career. Being a Stay-At-Home Mom is hard work! Women who say that obviously don’t have their own kids/ raise them themselves.
Post # 7
This is one of those things that women say without meaning to offend because they probably honestly think it’s easy to be a Stay-At-Home Mom. It’s not better or worse than being a working mom, but for some reason people think all you do is sleep all day. Completely untrue! The best response for something like that is that being a Stay-At-Home Mom is a real challenge, and that you’ve chosen to put your full effort into it knowing that you were able to do [xyz] for your kids and it makes you feel good about the time spent.
Post # 8
I wish I was a stay at home mom! It’s a full time job, yes, but I wouldn’t miss my son’s first anything. Most people think all you do is sit at home all day watching tv, getting on the internet, etc but kids are hard to raise. My son is only 5 months old and I know this. If my Fiance made enough money I’d stay home too. Its hard and most people don’t realize it but it’s very rewarding too. Good job on taking care of your children! (I’m not saying people who work and have babysitters DON’T take care of them they just don’t do it all the time.)
Post # 9
Ugh. I’m annoyed by people with that “JUST?!” attitude and I’m not even a mommy yet! I’ve always wanted to be a stay at home mom. My mom was a Stay-At-Home Mom and I know I was a really lucky kid. My ex got annoyed with me because I had “no ambition”… *quirks brow* He wanted me to WANT an out of the home career. Thank goodness he’s the ex. My current is very respectful of my wishes. “Being a stay at home mom is a huge job! I love that you want to stay home with the kids.” (and the dog, laundry, dishes, diapers, etc…) *wink*
Post # 9
This is something I battle with myself. I don’t have kids yet so take my advice or opinion with less than a grain of salt. I constantly have to re-examine myself when I make opinions of SAHMs. There are some SAHMs that have done a diservice to the mass of SAHMs with regards to what they do with their children by not engaging with them, leaving them to sit in front of the t.v. all day or making them play by themselves, etc. But the same can be said of moms that work outside the home, that are so into their careers that they may neglect their children. I’m saying it goes both ways. There is something to be said of full dependence on a spouse without the necessary means to support yourself and your children if heaven forbid s/he leaves, gets injured, or worse, dies. Unfortunately, being a Stay-At-Home Mom does affect to some degree the ability to pursue future employment if necessary. Technically speaking, people are paid for cleaning houses, watching children, cooking, etc then being a stay at home parent is a job.
I don’t understand all the judgement around parenting except that it attempts to undermine others and glorify what one is doing themselves, either intentionally or because they’ve been undermined for their choices.
One thing I do know is that when I’m having children, I’m choosing to have a child and by that reasoning, I’m going to do what I believe is the best way to parent–be a Stay-At-Home Mom. I constantly battle my own thinking that I am giving up a career. Well no, because I’m choosing another career. I do know that circumstances occur where I may be forced to leave and pursue employment outside the home.
Post # 10
How old is this woman? If she’s young she may not realize the way she phrased it could have been taking the wrong way. Also (not justification) if she came from a family with a working mother and had friends that were the same, then she may think that that’s the norm, so that’s why she was asking.
A lot of people can unintentionally say things that are hurtful but it sometimes has more to do with their background and their own personal issues. I usually give them three strikes – the first time they say something hurtful – it could be a mistake, misphrasing, or me being in a bad mood, the second time – it’s most likely intentional, the third time – it’s on, don’t mess with me.
Beyond that, I think a lot of people who aren’t SAHMs still don’t realize how much WORK it is (even though they should by now). I’d say respond to these people by being confident in yourself so when they ask just say, “Yes, I am – it’s a 365 day a year job with no vacation, sick time or regular hours, I’m thinking about asking for a raise.” 🙂
Post # 11
I’m so sorry someone asked you that! 🙁
I think it’s so annoying when people think staying at home with kids is easy.
I love love love kids and absolutely can not wait for the day my husband and I have a baby together. But I’m still on the fence about whether I can stay at home. Disregarding the financial aspect. I get uber cabin fever and restless when I’m home more than a couple days in a row.
So, I have SUPREME respect for people who can put their career on hold. Who deal with the insanity of kids day in and day out.
GO YOU!!! And all other stay at home parents. 😀
Post # 12
My mom stayed home til I was in 4th or 5th grade…I appreciated every minute of it.
Post # 13
I think it is AMAZING and awesome that you stay home with your kids!!! I don’t have kids yet and I am very nervous about how I will balance maintaining my career with raising my kids the way I think they deserve to be raised. As PP’s have said, no mother is necessarily better or worse than another because of her choice to stay at home or not and I’m not yet sure how I’ll juggle this, but I think it is a really incredible thing when a parent is able to be constantly present with and for their children! Good for you!! 🙂
Post # 14
Honestly, I can’t imagine being a stay at home mom, only because it seems like it would be such a hard job! Women who are, it’s pretty amazing. And I applaud you for doing it.
I think this article does a great job of touching on the complexity of the Stay-At-Home Mom career choice. 🙂
Post # 15
I have nothing against Stay-At-Home Mom, but i know that it will never be for me, personally. even when i’m a mom, i still want to work, ideally though when the children are small i’d like to work only part-time. but, if i stay in the military (haven’t decided yet) that won’t be an option. you know, it’s all personal prefrence, whatever makes you happy…