- 6 years ago
- Wedding: August 2014
My boyfriend and I have been together for around 4 years now, and the past year has been long distance (two days driving, so we fly when we visit). He graduated from college in 2008 and had a really hard time finding a job, so when he did and it was out of state, he really had no choice but to take it, and I supported him– the problem is, we never really discussed what we would DO when he decided to take the job other than that we would be long distance while I was finishing school.
I just graduated last month. Although we never really talked about it, I honestly thought that he was going to propose at some point during the past year so that it wouldn’t be a question of whether or not I was going to move to be with him. Although it’s not fair because we never talked about it as a couple, part of me subconsionsly set a timeline of around my graduation date for a proposal or a breakup, but I was honestly so sure that it was going to happen, I didn’t think about the breakup part as much. When I realized I had reached that point and we hadn’t even had an open conversation about it, I changed my mind about leaving him before we had a chance to at least talk.
So we actually had a heart to heart about it. He told me that of course he wants to propose to me and start a life with me there, but that he doesn’t feel quite ready yet because he wants to be making more money when he proposes so that he feels more set up for providing for the both of us. I find this ridiculous because he makes excellent money especially as he’s only supporting himself right now, and because I plan on getting a job (with an income enough to support myself on my own) before moving there. So when he bought an iPad and booked flights for Vegas with his buddies in the same month, I was not too pleased… it doesn’t look like a proposal is happening in the near future. The problem is, I didn’t get the answer I wanted, to part of me still feels like sticking with my deadline and making it clear that I am not moving without a ring.
So now it’s job application time, and I’m just ANGRY that I’m applying to jobs in his area (where there’s a lot less opportunity than there is for me here), uprooting my entire life and family, friends, work, and groups I’ve formed here, when I really didn’t want to do that unless he was my fiance.
A lot of people have suggested that, if I do get a great job offer there, go and live seperately from him, and I’ve told him that that is my plan at this point. But I’m still not really HAPPY with that… I don’t WANT to live seperately from him, I WANT to be living with him as his fiance. It would be silly financially to do that anyway, and so my family doesn’t really support that decision.
I just feel angry and stuck. I don’t want to move there without a ring at all, but we also don’t want to do long distance any longer. I don’t want to stay here without him. I don’t want to move there and not live with him. I don’t want to live with him without being engaged. I’ve expressed this already, but if I actually go through with it and don’t move even if I get a job offer there, he’ll feel pressured to propose just to get me to come, and I don’t want a proposal because he’s feeling pressured.
I’m sorry this is so long. I’m just feeling so alone in this right now…