(Closed) I’m just going to accept that we’re never going to have sex again

posted 7 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
Member
686 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I don’t have anything terribly helpful to offer, but reading this makes me want to kick his @ss so badly! Who in the hell calls a pregnant woman “tubby”?! OMG!!

 

Maybe he’s just jealous that you get to bring a life into this world and he doesn’t!

Post # 4
Member
633 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I am sorry to hear this. What does your husband say when you bring it up to him? What are his reasons/excuses? Has he been depressed, on medications that may cause impotence leading him to not want to be intimate, etc.? I would say maybe he has some fear of having sex with you while pregnant, but it sounds like this was going on long before you got pregnant. I don’t think things will get any easier right after baby is born. Have you considered counseling?

Post # 5
Member
3977 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

If he’s willing to stay up until 3 am talking about it then it’s not like he’s completely being a douche. Why don’t you tell him that it hurts you when he calls you that?

If you’ve talked this out on many many occasions it seems like you’d have some reason why or some light at the end of the tunnel (no pun intended lol).

Post # 6
Member
681 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

i’d be interested to know what his reasons are. it sounds like you are the one initiating communication about this, and that he immediately shoots you down (except for the all night talks, which sound like they might be frustrating too). i’m sorry to say but if you didn’t have sex as a married couple with no kids, odds are it won’t pick up on it’s own once your baby arrives 🙁 if he’s open to counseling, i would suggest that.

Post # 7
Member
3254 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

It sounds like he’s just joking it off by calling you “tubby” while you’re pregnant and not addressing the real problem here. It has to be something deeper. If he refuses to get to the root of the problem, I suggest the two of you seek some counseling. You can’t just accept the idea that you’re never going to have sex again; that’s ridiculous and you deserve better.

Post # 8
Hostess
18637 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I agree that counseling would probably help the two of you communicate.  This isn’t going to get better unless you seriously work on it, especially since you two have intimacy problems to begin with.

Post # 9
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

Have you always had intimacy issues? From this post we know it was before you got pregnant, but has this been an issue your entire relationship? (the fact that you said you had sex 1 time in January and thats when you got married is alarming) There may be nothing you can do. Talking about it is great, but if it’s not getting you anywhere then you’re beating a dead horse.

Perhaps counseling is needed, but it sounds like you married this man this way and are  now asking him to change. 

Post # 11
Member
139 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I’m sorry you’re going through this.

A very good friend of mine went through THE SAME THING! When THEY became pregnant, he didn’t have sex with her the entire pregnancy. They talked and talked and talked about it, and he would always laugh about it, but lets all be honest, its not funny –

They eventually went to see a counselor for “parenting,” what he thought, and in turn it was for their sex life.. She probably shouldnt have lied and said they were going to someone for parenting stuff, but it worked for them.. They eventually started having sex again..

Post # 12
Member
1040 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Sorry this is happening to you. 🙁 I would definitely bring this to an outside mediator. That is not okay!

Post # 13
Member
345 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

wow, if he doesn’t want to talk to you about it he’s not going to want to talk to a total stranger about it!  while i think counselling is a good idea for you, it’s going to be difficult to bring it up with him as an option.  A friend of mine had a boyfriend with some intimacy problems (he wanted to have sex but couldn’t ‘perform’) and really struggled to talk to him about it.  She found printing some stuff off the internet and giving it to him to read in his own time was easier than having face to face conversations.

generally in relationships, yes the sex decreases over time but not to once every six months!  it will be a long, unsatisfying marriage unless you two are able to deal with this now so try and deal with it head-on, eventually he will thank you for it!  

Post # 14
Member
5110 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2011

Honestly I think 8 months pregnant you are still so beautiful!! Maybe more beautiful because you are the carrier of his child. So its him not wanting to have sex? I dont know really what to tell you if you are saying that you have had countless convorsations about this. You guys need to get to the root of why you arent having sex anymore. Maybe bring someone in to talk about everything,get to the deeper issues. Im so sorry your going through this. 

Post # 15
Member
959 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

I am so sorry, I know how hard this can be. The best recommendation I can give you is to find either a psychologist specializing in sexuality, or a sex therapist (slightly different but similar). It sounds like these are longstanding issues that will require some effort on both of your parts to resolve. You’re definitely not the only ones going through it though, or these people would not be in business and I myself know more than one therapist who specializes in sexual issues such as these. You can definitely get through it! 

Post # 16
Member
1300 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Do you share other forms of intimacy (both emotional and physical) with your husband other than actual sex?  Do you hold hands or touch each other with affection during the course of your day?

If he’s afraid that the act of intercourse may harm you or the baby, maybe he’d up for cuddling (naked or clothed) or just spending some quality time being close? 

I know that sometimes when I’m not that interested in sex, I still love to cuddle and just be close to my Darling Husband so that we can emotionally connect.  And sometimes feeling that emotional intimacy gets me more interested in the physical stuff.

Good luck with your impending arrival and I hope you guys can work it out 🙂

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