(Closed) I'm just not ready.

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2224 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@FitBee:  I don’t have much in the way of advice beyond to follow your heart. But I wanted to give you big ((((HUGS))))!

Post # 4
Member
1177 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

This part makes me think something else is going on in his head: “Fiance and I are not engaging in pre-marital sex, his wants, not mine. We have had sex before but this is a decision he made a few months ago. It has hurt the relationship as I don’t feel as intimately close with him anymore AND we live together.” I have no idea what it is, but it’s significant.

Postpone the wedding and get premarital counselling. 

Post # 5
Member
2616 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

hugs i would talk with vendors– what does ur fiance think about postponing the wedding?

Post # 6
Member
1849 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

The last paragraph makes me think that you should really just try to get as much money back as possible and not tell your photographer you’ll be back in a year. If you are, great, but you need to open yourself up to the possibility that all these troubles you’ve had may take more time and work than you hope. Time pressure is never a good thing in such a situation. Just postpone indefinitely and tell him everything you would like to get resolved before you set another date and resume planning. If he’s not receptive to your concerns after the initial surprise wears off, reconsider whether another date should be set at all. Good luck! I’m sorry you’re in this situation…

 

Post # 10
Member
1849 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@FitBee:  I think spending more time getting to know each other as an engaged couple is a great idea. I knew I wanted to marry my Fiance before he proposed, yet even though we’ve been together for 3 years now, I still feel like I’ve learned a lot more about him since we got engaged. There will be new things to discover about each other at every stage of life, and it sounds like you two could use a little more time standing on the same page together before you turn to the next one. 

 

Don’t let guilt over $1700 push you in a marriage you’re not ready for. You would feel much worse if you did, of that I’m sure. 

 

You should explain that ideally, you’ll be back to finalizing your plans for a new date in a year or two, but you’re committed to ironing out the kinks first. And it will probably be a difficult conversation, considering his past and new outlook on life, but you shouldn’t keep your feelings about intimacy to yourself. Give him a chance to make an informed decision about what he wants your sex life to entail, considering how it affects you. Marriage is full of difficult challenges, so facing this one together should be good practice. 

 

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