(Closed) I'm just sick, not sure I can forgive my mom

posted 4 years ago in Pets
Post # 31
278 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015 - Haddonfield, NJ

xstaticsummers:  I won’t get into details, but I truly know how you feel. Eventually you’ll be able to calm down and see the situation more clearly. And if she does call, and you really aren’t ready, play the “I’m busy” card. I think talking to your therapist is a great idea – and they should be able to help you figure out how to bring up the subject with her. 

Post # 32
2180 posts
Buzzing bee

xstaticsummers:  Does your mother have trouble with delusions? She may have believed that she was taking care of them accordingly, or convinced herself that everything was fine. I think once you’re calm enough to discuss the situation with her, you can feel out whether it’s best to not mention this again, or if bringing the rats with you on visits would be a possible middle ground–your mother gets some bonding time with the animals and you ensure they are taken care of. You sound like a wonderful daughter, and you’re showing a lot of love for your mother in a hard situation.

Post # 33
7418 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

OP, I know your intentions were good, and I hope you don’t take this the wrong way, but this is exactly why pets should never be surprise gifts for people. No matter how much they say they don’t want your pet to leave them, or how attached they’ve gotten, they need to have made a personal commitment to caring for the pet for life before welcoming the pet into their homes.  I am glad that you stepped in and took control so the rats would get proper care, but I think you need to acknowledge that you put your mother in a position where the chances were high that she’d fail. This is no reflection on your mother or her illness; it is merely stating that pet ownership works out better when the owner makes a concious decision and commitment to the pet.

So please try to forgive your mother, and hopefully another bee might read this story and think twice about giving a pet as a gift. It’s a living creature, not a purse or toy or book, and it’s depenedent on its owner, and it’s absolutely depressing to see how many puppies and kittens get dumped in shelters in March because they were christmas gifts and the recipient just wasn’t all that into it.

Post # 34
913 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015 - The Victorian


xstaticsummers:  It was really sweet of you to get her the rats, as you saw how happy they made her. You described that taking care of animals seems to help her mental state and she seemed to love your rates so why wouldn’t she love and care for (as she has the cate) them. So don’t let anyone tell you it’s your fault. I like the PPs advice to jsut wait until you calm down to approach her about it. Maybe in a week or so when you know the rats are better and they will be ok. i’m sure that will help your  feelings as well. I’m so sorry this happened, but SO glad you checked on them when you did and they seem to be getting better. I know PPs have said it and I don’t want to harp, but it’s also probably time to get mom back to the doctor, as I agree this is probably a sign that maybe some meds need to be adjusted or something. Hugs your way, bee!

Post # 35
4856 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

You  never buy pets for other people.., Come on. I’m glad you have them now. 

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