Post # 1
I’m too exhausted to rehash all the details now, but let’s just say I can’t keep living with a husband who’s nothing more than a mostly unseen roommate. He’s been promising things will get better but I know they never will. He’s now agreed to go to another school – that starts next summer and goes for another year or something. Full time, not local. He never ran it by me.
I’ve gained 50 pounds since getting married, I’m always sick, I never sleep. I make mistakes at work and on the road. I can’t keep living like this because I am pretty sure it’s going to kill me. I’ve begged him to go to counseling to try to open his eyes, but nope, he refuses. He says we don’t have problems.
I don’t know where I’m going to go. I guess I get to find an apartment, something I never thought I’d have to do again. Maybe it’ll be a wakeup call for him, but I suspect we’ll just keep living seperate lives until he finds a way to blame me for everything and files for divorce. It’s too bad, but I’ve done everything I can do.
Post # 3
I’m so sorry you are going through this 🙁
Post # 4
@starrynight: I’m so sorry to hear you’re having to deal with this. Please take care of yourself because you have some symptoms of depression, have you been to a doctor or counselor?
You’re right, you have to do what’s best for yourself. You can’t keep trying to communicate and have a relationship with someone who’s checked out. And your leaving might be the wake-up call he needs, at least, I hope so.
Take care, I wish you all the best.
Post # 5
@starrynight: Oh wow…I’m so sorry!! Have you guys tried counseling? I have been through a divorce and honestly, it would have been harder to live with myself if I would have left even one option out.
Post # 6
I’m so sorry!!! Get counselling for YOU. Because of course if you leave it will be difficult and you will need support. Good luck. Sounds like he wont even try to fix things.
Post # 7
Sorry you’re going through this. You sound so apathetic and worn out 🙁
Hopefully, if you move out he sees the light and all will end up right with your world but be prepared to watch out for yourself… and if he doesn’t see the light I’m pretty sure I’d beat him to that divorce punchline, if I were you. Don’t be put at fault for something that you’ve worked hard to try to fix and he doesn’t see the problems in.
Post # 8
@starrynight: i’m so sorry you are going through this. you do need to concentrate on you and your health and well being. i’ve gone through crap like this too and it’s best just to make the change for yourself. feel free to pm me if you need to chat or vent.
Post # 9
I’m sorry to hear this! I agree with PP, it is time to focus on yourself and your health.
Post # 10
I’m so sorry to hear this. Good luck in taking charge of your life and getting yourself in a happier place!
Post # 11
So sorry you are going through this, but as others said it’s time to focus on yourself, your health and moving on to better things for you.
Post # 12
Sorry you are going through this. After reading thrugh your older posts it sounds like it is time for you to focus on getting you happier and healthier. It is really hard to make a relationship work when you are having such a hard time individually. Best of luck!
Post # 13
I just feel like such a failure, but I can’t be his mother and cleaning lady anymore. I’m his wife and he hasn’t been treating me like it since, well, our wedding. And maybe not even then – I barely even saw him at our reception. It’s like a switch flipped between the ceremony and reception, no joke. And his job and school are making everything that much worse.
I’m not asking/filing for divorce, and I hope he’ll come around eventually, but if not, it’s on him. Not me. We are Christians, and I’m not going to be the one to break my vow. I’ll support him from a distance, but that’s where it needs to be for now.
Post # 14
I think you will feel so much better when you give yourself some space and time to reclaim “you”. It sounds like you have given up some elements of yourself for this relationship and he has done nothing but to take advantage of that.
I agree with the other posts…you should focus on yourself and I think rather than move into a tiny apartment somewhere ask HIM to move…..he’s the one that isn’t contributing to your relationship….why should you have to do all of the heavy lifting for him?
My husband and I were going through some hard times in our relationship as well….I needed some space to think about the news I had just recieved about something he had done. My first thought too was to move into an apartment…instead my counselor (I started seeing one for individual therapy and now my husband goes as well) suggested that he is the one that should have to pick up the pieces and figure his shit out. Our current arrangement is an in-home seperation….he sleeps in the guest room I sleep in the master bedroom. He has taken the situation very very seriously because he knows I am serious and not backing down.
Lots of hugs and support to you…..
Post # 15
There’s no shame in leaving a toxic situation.
Post # 16
Unfortunately it seems with some men, as soon as the wedding is over they expect their wives to turn into Mommy – their role is to take of them. My FH’s theory is that these men never lived on their own long enough to learn how to take care of themselves but I don’t know if I agree.
Separation might be just what you need to get yourself together. Like PPs have said, concentrate on YOU and do seek some counseling. An outside perspective can be so helpful. Sending LOTS of hugs!