(Closed) I'm leaving him

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 61
Member
656 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

rosecol0redglasses :  first of all, I am a domestic violence survivor and know firsthand how difficult leaving can be. So I commend you for being strong and choosing the best for yourself and your child. I wish you the best in this process, and I hope you can move on and love again because you’re worth it and it’s worth it. 

Piece of advice. You can reach out to someone at a local branch for your phone company and explain the situation to them. Tell them you want to move that line on your own from his. I did this as a change of responsibility on my plan, and they waived all cancellation fees. You can change the number after if you need to. But make sure you tell them about the abuse, as this might be the only way they can do the change without him having to call and release the line. Also, I would do this right after you leave in case he gets a message on his phone about the change in his account. This might help you keep your phone too. Good luck bee. 

Post # 62
Member
1246 posts
Bumble bee

MrsSapphire :  This information is heplful. I would also recommend getting a PO box and using that as the new/ forwarding adress so that he can’t find her.  NOTE: the US postal service also sends out address change verfications to old address. I would not foward directly to my new house, if at all. I would use PO box for everthing. I wouldnt want to risk him finding my new address by hook or by crook or even by accident.

Post # 63
Member
7642 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

 rosecol0redglasses :  “I have one close friend I would consider if I had to but she has her hands full with a new baby and her life. I would never even ask.”

Is she the one who you said that probably she and her husband would help you move? Honestly, I’d ask her anyway. I’d gladly put up a close friend for a couple of weeks in a situation like yours. An emergency shelter is another option. You need to get out.

You say you share a phone plan. Is your fiance the scheming type? If so, it is possible that even now he can look up who you’ve been calling and texting (but not your web browsing), if he’s that sort of person. Can you get a cheap pre-pay phone and keep it hidden, perhaps at work? 

Post # 64
Member
70 posts
Worker bee

rosecol0redglasses :  I take my hat off to you for deciding to leave. Good for you! No one deserves to live through ANY type of abuse.

As far as moving away from him while he isn’t around..Just like you mentioned, do it while he is at work. If you are afraid that the neighbors will see, let them. But if you are afraid they will call your SO, then maybe you should go to the nearset police station and set up a time where you can have one there while you load your belongings in your car. That way if he does arrives while you are getting out of the house, the cop will already be there to handle the situation.

Have you reported the abuse to the police or advocacy group? If he tries any legal shit with you, I would use that against him as well!

Don’t sweat the small stuff, your first priority is getting the hell out of there and making sure you and your child(ren) are safe!

Good luck with everything!

Post # 65
Member
43 posts
Newbee

Your story is my story too….I’m also a nurse strangely enough.  I suspect we are attracted to men that need us because of our  caring and nurturing natures.

I lived with my ex for 7 years.  We were engaged and close to getting married.  Things became more complicated because I got pregnant.  He was incredibly verbally, emotionally and sometimes physically abusive. The filthy names he would call me, the deragatory put downs.  He would throw a glass of water in my face during an argument or grab my purse and lock me out of our apartment.  I would be stuck with no money and nowhere to go for hours.  There was shoving and hair pulling at times and he threw me out of our car when I was 7 months pregnant leaving me stranded in the middle of nowhere.  

I stayed because I was scared to leave.  Scared that I wouldn’t be able to support myself and my son.  I slowly saved money and organized my life, rented a tiny batchelor’s apartment, and signed my son up for daycare.  I left when my son was 2 years old.  It was incredibly hard raising a toddler on my own while working full-time but I was incredibly happy on my own away from him.  

You WILL be O.K!  More than O.K, you will be safe and happy.  Today, my son is a happy, bright, sweet and loving 13 yr. old that I love to death.  I can’t regret my relationship with his dad entirely because it gave me him….I own a beautiful townhouse and I am marrying an amazing, caring, wonderful man next year who treats me like a queen.  

You will not regret your decision!  Do it ASAP.

Post # 66
Member
528 posts
Busy bee

I absolutely can’t not stand men that do this to women please get out & be safe. Get a restraining order and have the police come to help you get your things.

You deserve way better! 

Post # 67
Member
7682 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

rosecol0redglasses :  THIS:  “He would go through these moods a couple times of year but for the most part he would be normal, but now he has been acting like this for several months. I am leaving him. I’ve been in denial for so long. I thought I was going to marry him. I can’t put up with this for the rest of my life and don’t deserve it. I am finally at the point where I feel strong enough to do it. I know it will be hard but I have to do it.”  You also don’t want your child to think this is normal.  If you can’t make yourself leave for you, do it for your child!  

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