Post # 1
I’m a fairly regular poster but I’ve decided to go anonymous for this. I’m not quite ready to talk to my family and friends about it. I made the decision to leave Fiance tonight. It’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever done but I think it’s the right thing.
It started out with him throwing things when he is angry. This always bothered me but it was always small stupid things. Last week we got into a fight and I asked for my computer back. He ended up shoving the computer at me and shoving me as well so that I fell over backwards.
Tonight I definitely said something I wouldn’t have while laying in bed and he got up and left. I followed because I didn’t want to just go to sleep while he was angry. He told me to go back to bed and I walked closer and insisted that we talk. He pushed me. I started crying and asked why he would do that and stepped closer again. He pushed me again. Harder. I decided at that point to leave the apartment. Unfortunately due to our recent move I don’t know anyone here and will have to find a hotel and will probably call into work tomorrow.
I know words were said that shouldn’t have been said but I believe that no one ever has the right to touch me. I know he didn’t hurt me this time but I’m scares this will escalate. I know this isn’t healthy for either of us but it’s so hard to leave after all this time. I also am at a loss as to what I should tell my friends and family. I’m feeling strangely at peace with my decision (after spending almost an hour crying) but I’m sure it will all really hit me again tomorrow. I have a feeling Fiance will be remorseful and it will be even harder to leave. I guess I just felt like I needed to get this out.
Post # 3
@confusedbee3746: I’m so sorry this is happening to you. No man should ever, under any circumstance lay a hand on you in anger. I agree with you that it will only get worse and you cannot put yourself in that position. Im so proud of you for being strong and standing up for yourself.
Post # 4
Good for you! I’m always glad when someone leaves a relationship that is possibly abusive (because so many people DON’T).
How long have you been together? Has he always been this way, or did it just recently start to escalate? Either way, if you are scared, leaving is DEFINITELY the right thing to do.
Post # 5
@confusedbee3746: sorry you are going through this, stay strong
Post # 6
You are doing the right thing. It WILL escalate, and he will always feel remorseful. Great for remorse, but let’s try some SELF CONTROL!
Honestly, I don’t think I would go back in that apartment unless 1)I knew for a fact he wouldn’t be there or 2) I had someone with me. I’m not trying to imply I think the man is a killer or something, but unpredictable is probably a fair assesment, and he needs to understand that you are uncomfortable with his behavior and won’t accept it.
Be strong, reach out for help from anyone you feel comfrotable. I don’t know your relationship with your parents/family…but personally for me I would be honest that things weren’t working out and I was leaving, but I’m not sure I would come right out and say that he has been abusive. It is natural for your family to JUMP to the rescue and want to fix the problem for you , but sometimes that ends up making things worse for you. I definitely think you should reach out to someone and tell them the whole story though, just perhaps someone who isn’t going to drive over and confront him with their fist.
Post # 7
@confusedbee3746: I am so so sorry that this happened to you, but I do think you are absolutely making the right decision. He will be remorseful and he will try to change your mind and you will want to…but don’t. You are right to say that this behavior is completely unacceptable and will probably escalate. I could say the nastiest, cruelest most awful thing to Fiance and he would NEVER touch me in anger. Good luck, OP! Stay strong and look to those around you for support 🙂
Post # 8
As someone who once stayed in an abusive relationship WAY too long, I applaud you. Love can cause you to make excuses for the inexcusable.
All the love & support in the world,
Post # 9
@confusedbee3746: I’m so sorry, but you’ve done the right thing. Shoving gives way to hitting very quickly – I’ve been in a relationship before that violence started with throwing things and shoving. Leaving him, in the long run, will be the best gift you ever give yourself. No matter how rough things are with logistics, you’ve absolutely made the right decision. Stay strong.
Post # 10
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
No woman deserves to be physically abused or feel scared of the man who is supposed to be the person who loves her the most in the entire world. You made the right decision!!! He will most certainly be remorseful and try to get you back by promising never to do it again. But if he’s done it multiple times over stupid stuff, and it’s gotten worse over time, he almost guaranteed to continue to abuse you. Stay strong and stay away from this loser! HUGS xoxo
Post # 11
I’m sorry for the situation, but glad that you’re able to rationally look at it and decide to make a move away from a volatile situation. I think the fact that you feel at peace with it speaks volumes.
Post # 12
Breakups suck. There is no getting around that, but it is so, so, so good that you are taking care of yourself and staying away from any situation in which there is potential for you to be harmed. Recognize that and celebrate your self-strength.
Post # 13
I am so, so sorry you’re going through this. You’re being really brave deciding to walk away. I know this is a hard decision, but I think it’s the right one. Hang in there, and keep us updated.
Post # 14
You’re doing the right thing. It always escalates. In fact it sounds like it already has. Stay strong!
Post # 15
You are doing the right thing. The second he lays his hands on you in a violent manner is the second that the relationship ends. I think you are really brave for doing this. Stay strong.
And if you live in Toronto, give me a shout and I can give you a couch to crash on.
Post # 16
I’m so sorry…I’m glad you’re taking care of yourself first. Stay safe!