I’m lost. What should I do?

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 16
Member
3062 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

For the sake of you but especially your child, end it. Seek out a psychologist for your mental health if you aren’t already seeing one and just focus on you and your baby. If you have a supportive family, lean on them right now and don’t try to handle it all on your own.

Two parents together in a toxic relationship is worse for a child than two parents separated and parenting amicably if possible. He is not the partner you deserve and right now he isn’t the father your child deserves. Don’t waste another moment on him. Seek out legal counsel for custody rights and arrangements.

Does he have a drinking problem? If he does and with the examples of his interactions with your child, I would not let him be alone with your child at this time. You should bring any of those concerns up when consulting someone legally. And above all else, do not fund his drinking. Refer him to an alcoholics anonymous program if the drinking is persistant and one of the sources of his abuse.

Post # 17
Member
144 posts
Blushing bee

I’m not sure of all the details of your life, and the immigration deal, but it does not sound like you and the baby are in a good situation. 

Post # 19
Member
1372 posts
Bumble bee

Bee, you’re living with YOUR parents, so you have every right to kick him out of the house–which you need to do immediately. This is not a good relationship, and you know it. Nor does it sound salvageable. It sounds to me like, and I’m sorry to say this, he has another woman. 

Kick him out, and call an immigration lawyer. Get started with the divorce paperwork right away. Whether he leaves you or you leave him, the likelihood that you two grow old together is slim to none. End it before it gets too messy. 

Post # 20
Member
12 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2018

He was gone for so long, that probably really messed with him. You have a baby together but you called it “my baby” not “our baby”. And you said you have a grudge against your husband for being gone when your baby was born. It sounds like you need to go to counseling, both of you, and get help. He could definitely be dealing with a lot as well, I’m sure it wasn’t an easy experience being away for so long and missing the birth of his baby. And immigration is tough. Do you know hat he’s mentally okay? Maybe he’s not asking how you are because he’s not doing okay himself. I think in this situation, you need to put yourself in his shoes as well. Definitely sit down and have a talk with him. Tell him you’re here for him. Go to therapy and work on your anger and resentment towards him missing the birth of your child. He’s probably depressed too. He’s probably also dealing with thoughts of suicide. I know I would in that situation. His life is probably as chaotic as you feel yours is as well. Talk to him. Communicate with him. And if he won’t listen, suggest going to therapy together. But definitely go and get yourself help. 

Post # 21
Member
155 posts
Blushing bee

Hello, hope you are feeling well today. Merry Christmas to you and your family.

So reading your thread, I do think that you are both dealing with things that you both went thru. You were both affected by his deportation. I think he needs to seek some help with his drinking and anger. For you, maybe talking about your feeling with someone you trust will hear you and help you. I don’t think that this is the end of your relationship, you guys have to start over. Things are not the same. Work on yourselves and then on your relationship. Your baby needs a strong parent. Try to push aside the hurt and anger you feel and focus on your baby. You have done it this long without him, sounds like you are doing just fine as a mommy. Your husband can either get on board or leave. But things need to change for the sake of that baby. 

I hope this helps you in some way. Stay strong and just know that you will get thru this. 

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