I'm married and I miss my ex-boyfriend.

posted 3 months ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
552 posts
Busy bee

Yes, I have one ex I feel this way about. Even after a decade .. the feelings are still there. He’s told me he still has feelings too. Messages me on and off throughout the years. He’s married though and I’m engaged.. so we decided to acknowledge the feelings exist but to focus & invest in our current relationships. 

Post # 17
Member
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I don’t miss my ex, but I do think about him sometimes. Mainly when he posts stuff on social media with his girlfriend, I sometimes wonder what about their relationship makes him able to make a comitment. And then I always think how glad I am that I met my husband, who is much more of an adult (and much more attractive lol). I don’t feel jealous or pine about my ex, but I do recognize how much I learned and grew from that relationship. He was the training wheels, my husband’s the real deal 🙂

Post # 18
Member
965 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

I miss one of my exes, but not in the sense of wishing we were still together. I sometimes remember beautiful moments we shared and cute things that were said and I go like “aweeeee… That was so sweet. I miss him. I hope he’s doing great.”. Reminiscing on the good things does make me miss him, but does not make me want to get back together.

I don’t want to even picture my life without my fiancé. 🙂

 

Post # 19
Member
301 posts
Helper bee

Unfortunately this happens. 

1. You have genuine feelings that will last a lifetime. Usually happens with first love or a very intense relationship. But it’s not the same love as before as feelings change but it’s still there.

2. You miss the things he did and shared, not him. It may be how he made you feel or specific things he did that you loved but it’s the idea of him and the relationship you miss.

3. You are having issues with current man and only miss him when things are not so good. The issue may not be ongoing and could be just a fight but that also doesn’t mean he’s not the love of your life. 

No matter what the situation is, shut it down. Do not think about contacting him or anything like that. Just leave it as a glimpse of happiness you had. 

Post # 20
Member
602 posts
Busy bee

Honestly the thought of any of my exs make me physically ill

Post # 21
Member
442 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

jocelynevans :  

I’m getting married this year and I miss my exes. I had good reasons to date them and even if things ended badly, I had good times with each of them. A bit like in one Elton John song: “Some are always in my heart – and some I’m not so sure – either way they all left their mark”

I wouldn’t want them back but there are moments when I think “Oh, x would have loved this film” or “I had a similar dish with y during that wonderful holiday”. I never had short relationships so the men I’ve been with shaped who I am today. My first partner, for example, made me a kinder person. Another partner – thru him being an idiot – showed me that I have inner strength. I’m grateful for these experiences.

Post # 22
Member
2141 posts
Buzzing bee

Not even slightly.

However – I also didn’t always have the best taste in the past and I was the one to break off the relationships. 

I don’t think the odd nostalgic memory is terrible, just make sure you aren’t comparing him to your husband or doing too much ‘what if’ thinking. That’s when it can start to interfere with your current relationship.  

Post # 23
Member
753 posts
Busy bee

This is how I know my S.O is the one.  I’m never distracted by memories of past love. I’ve never had anything that even compares to what I have with him.

Post # 24
Member
602 posts
Busy bee

jocelynevans :  I don’t particularly miss any of my exes, but sometimes I miss things we use to do together. 

Some I miss their kids.

Post # 27
Member
103 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

knotyet :  I think it’s a bit extreme to want to reconsider an entire relationship because your husband is thinking about an ex. Because you don’t have experience with ex’s, I feel like you don’t quite understand that there were once very real and deep feelings for someone else, and that it’s normal to think about it from time to time. I have a few ex’s that have popped into my mind once in a while, I try to shut it down right away but for the guy that was my first love sometimes it’s difficult. Do I act on these feelings? No. Do I contact him? No. It’s just thoughts that come and go sometimes, and that’s okay. Imagine if your husband was your ex and you were with somebody else. The deep love you shared will always be part of you. And it would be okay to think of him from time to time because it happens. The real issue is acting on those feelings. Just something to think about.

Post # 28
Member
354 posts
Helper bee

I don’t miss my exes AT ALL, but I wish them well.

Post # 29
Member
462 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

Depending on you and the relationship you had, it’s okay to miss the person. I do reminisce the good times and am curious sometimes what they are doing. But, I am happy to not be in those relationships anymore. For me, they ended for specific reasons and I have changed along the way. Even if I were to see my ex’s again, it wouldn’t be the same. And I’m okay with that.

If you are married to the love of your life, think about why you miss your ex. Do you miss being his friend? Is it his humor, etc.?

It’s okay to miss them as a person, but once it affects your marriage, you need to reassess.

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