(Closed) I'm Married to a Workaholic

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
594 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I would sit him down and talk to him about his work / life balance. I think with the stress of opening a new business, your husband may not notice or think that you understand why his time is tied up. Communicating with your husband is key.

Say something like this :

I am so proud of you and you opening your shop, it is an amazing accomplishment. But I really miss us. I miss spending time with you. What can I do to help you make the time for us ? 

 

Post # 4
Member
55 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I suggest reading the book “Boundaries in Marriage.”  It’s incredible and will help with communicating your need to see him more, in a non-threatening, but firm and effective way.   Seriously READ this book.  SOOOO good!

Post # 5
Member
130 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Since it is his business can you encourage him to hire additional help? Or since you don’t have a 9-5 can you help him out at the business? Maybe you could answer the phone or schedule the appointments, file paperwork for a couple hours (surely you have some skill that can be helpful to him!). Or drop by for lunch during the day. Then at least you would see him in person and awake.

I’m on the other side of this and it is so much worse for me when my husband isn’t supportive or even nice when I do get home. I work so much because I need to for my job and I would much rather be home. I understand that it is hard on him when I don’t get home until 2 am but I didn’t hear any complaints when all my hard work took him to Hawaii for free. Your husband is probably frustrated too and misses you as well. I think that one of the biggest things you can do to help is be supportive of him, offer him a back rub or cook him a nice meal (I’m sure you already do). I wouldn’t anticipate that my husband would put up with this forever though. Hopefully one of the two things above will work out.

 

 

Post # 6
Hostess
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

Do you think it will always be this way? Starting up a business is hard (which I know you understand) but perhaps in a few months, he will hire another staff member and things will calm down. You should talk to him in a non-threatening way like a PP suggested. Remind him that you are both on the same side and that you should work together to make your marriage better. 

Post # 7
Member
1158 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I would talk to him. I Agree that you should offer to help out at the shop. You can schedule repairs and make sure he gets more free time. Maybe he just needs help with scheduling appointments. Does he have staff yet? I know it is probably hard now, things will get better though. Maybe you could plan a lunch date a couple times per week. Tell him how you feel, but make sure your aknowledge his hard work. Good luck!

Post # 8
Member
95 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

A temporary quick fix is that you can go visit him at the shop often. Bring him lunch, bring your books and study there? You can also help out at his shop.

Post # 9
Member
1079 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I just wanted to add to what the other posters said by saying that he might just be trying to make a great first impression so that he can gain repeat business.  I’ve never opened my own busisness but I know that the first job I got in the field I love consumed my life.  I slowed down after the first year but I wanted to make sure that everyone knew I was serious about my job and that I made a good first impression.  He might just need sometime to settle in to a routine with his job?  I definitely agree with @karineh about how to approach talking to him.  Good luck!! 🙂

Post # 12
Member
1079 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@JemmyGee:  I wish you luck!  Hopefully after you communicate with him about how much it bothers you, you’ll be able to work out some sort of compromise.  Maybe you can find an evening or two that is ‘sacred’?  For example, maybe no matter what, on Friday you both drop everything and have dinner and a movie or something else, kind of like a date night?  That might help you get more time with him without adding too much extra stress since he can plan ahead to take that time away from work?  That’s worked really well for us in the past.  🙂

Post # 14
Member
110 posts
Blushing bee

I think starting a successful business takes ALOT of time in the frist year or two. I was talking to a woman a couple weeks ago who opened a wholesale nursery (plants) this year and both her and her husband were working 100 hours a week or something insane like that. Fortunately for them, they got to work together at least. Its a sign that business is good, but because costs are so high, and the business isnt well enough established in the first year most people hold off on hiring staff until the business settles into itself.

I want to start my own business in the next few years, and one thing I love about my husband is that I know hell be suppportive and patient in the first few years even though I wont be able to return the favour. It sounds like you have been very supportive of your husband, but maybe youre not feeling appreciated for the suport you give him and keeping your household together. Its awful timing too that this all happened right after the wedding… I would be wondering what I had gotten myself into.

 

I think it may help to tell him you miss him and ask him to take a day or half a day off to be with you. Also ask when he plans to hire staff to share the work load with…. make sure youre both on the same page that this situation is bad for your homelife and needs to be resolved as soon as his shop could handle him taking time off without hurting business.

 

Goodluck and feel free to disregard my advice if I completely missed the point 🙂

Post # 15
Member
1239 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@JemmyGee:  could you go to his work to study & maybe help out ie phones & spend more time together until the business gets up & running?

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