(Closed) I'm MOH and I want out…

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 31
Member
1308 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016 - St. John\'s Lutheran Church

I mean, she is crazy but you are the one agreeing to all of this, so I’d have to say you’re even crazier. Some girl I haven’t hung out with since we were pissing our diddies calls me and asks me to be her Maid/Matron of Honor, I’d block her number. You made this bed, now lie in it.

Post # 32
Member
3527 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

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fluffthoughts :  Drop out if the wedding .No guilt, no shame. You have your own very importants things going on that make it cattering to a friend you aren’t even close with not worth your time or energy. Sorry not sorry.

Also a $900 dress is beyond ridiculous. My Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses are from DB for $179 (currently on sale for $129 online) I couldnt image making anyone buy a dress that expensive and without consulting you for your budget. I asked all my BMs individually what their budget is and some said $200 others $300. So I caped it at the lowest one at $200 taxes in. Because 1. I am not buying the dress so I need to stick to their budget and 2. Even if I was buying them I dont think any Bridesmaid or Best Man dress over $250 is reasonable. 

Post # 33
Member
2819 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

I would drop this biotch and not feel an ounce of guilt about it. She is crazy and manipulative and harassed you into being moh to begin with. THEN she bought a $900 dress without knowing your proper size or asking your input. Drop her before she leaves you with the dress. She can force some other poor soul into wearing it. 

Post # 34
Member
10286 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

This whole leaving you waiting for her for an entire day only to change plans and try to force you to wait for a dress you never wanted that costs way too much for yet another day thing is only going to continue, you know that right? 

 

Imagree with PP that she’s crazy, but I don’t agree that you’re stuck. It’s not as if shes a real friend for whom you need to suck it up or who has earned a certain amount of wedding crazy forgiveness. Find your self-respect and your spine and text her that you are unable to do this. Then block her. 

Is that shitty? Yes. But she is being shitty to you and you have a baby coming, whose needs have to come first including not stressing mama out for unnecessary things. Baby first. Always. 

There is no good out with crazy, so you might as well make yourself happy. 

Post # 35
Member
534 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

Just… What?

Post # 36
Member
6299 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

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fluffthoughts :  Why are you even entertaining this girl at this point? I couldn’t even read the whole post. I stopped after the $900 dress. That’s insane, especially for someone you aren’t even friends with. I’m sorry, but if someone has to get your phone number from your mom because they don’t even have it they aren’t close enough for me to accept being in their bridal party. At this point I’d bow out and cut my losses.

Post # 37
Member
378 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Sounds like that one episode of Black Mirror…

Post # 38
Member
253 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

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fluffthoughts :  I feel you have essentially 2 options.

One is to just grin and bear it and do it. She clearly isn’t a good listener and doesn’t care about how you feel about the situation. I do find it odd she came to you after such a long period of time and maybe it’s because she tried to get others to take the job and they didn’t want to. I mean she def sounds intense. If she doesn’t expect you to pay for anything huge and doesn’t expect a ton else (bach party? bridal shower?) then maybe you can manage.

If you really really really are not comfortable — write a letter or note and send it to her saying the reasons why you can’t and you’re sorry but she pushed things too far. 

If you two aren’t super close then I’m assuming no major feelings will be hurt on your end. I hate to say it but sometimes friendships aren’t meant to last and this doesn’t sound like a person who wants to care about another friend, just put you in a spot for her big day and not care what goes on. 🙁 

Post # 39
Member
553 posts
Busy bee

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fluffthoughts :  she needs to respect your NO and you can’t. She sounds extremely needy. Start ignoring her and don’t give into her when she says you have to… I mean what kind of behavior is that?! You’re about to become a Mom you need start getting comfortable saying no and shown respect when you give your answer. 

No no no no 

Post # 40
Member
8408 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

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BalletParker :  I agree completely.

OP, if this was a friend or even just an acquaintance but with normal expectations, I would probably say suck it up for another 3 months. But she is virtually a stranger and she is clearly off her rocker. The kind of person who picks a $900 Bridesmaid or Best Man dress without a second thought is the kind of person who will expect OTT showers, bachlorette parties, bridal party luncheons, spa days, wedding weekend sleepover, etc etc etc. The dress is just the beginning. Text her that you are not going to be in the wedding, and then block her on everything. If she somehow gets something through to you, ignore it. Don’t respond. She can not force you to do anything. It would be best of course if you had said no from the beginning, or could have a rational conversation with her now but that doesn’t seem possible. So just ghost her. She is not allowing you to be rational with her, so just do what you need to do. Which is stop all contact. Don’t feel guilty — she’s the one acting like a crazy person.

Post # 41
Member
172 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

If it was me I would have said no and make sure she can’t contact me forever.

Post # 42
Member
457 posts
Helper bee

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fluffthoughts :  I agree with PPs that since she already paid for your dress and you did agree after all, you should go through with it. But in all honesty, since she’s so flaky and ignored all of your reasons for why you couldn’t do it, you have every right to do the very least you can do and just show up on the big day. That’s all I would give and I wouldn’t stress myself out in the least considering she didn’t give a rat’s rear end about your pregnancy, lack of help, and newborn baby. 

Post # 43
Member
8674 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

wtf… is she making you pay for HER dress?  $900?!  For a bridesmaids dress?  No fucking way.

Don’t pay for it, don’t do it.  Why in the world are you giving in to this.  $900 can do a lot towards helping your baby out.  

If you’re spineless for yourself, that’s one thing.  Stand up for the baby–$900 is money straight from their college fund.

Stop answering her and just.. don’t be home when she comes to try and bully you.  Either by pretending or legitimately not being home.  

Post # 44
Member
6214 posts
Bee Keeper

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fluffthoughts :  What you do is say no once – give your reasons again if you want.  Hang up the phone and block crazy forevermore.  That girl is out of her mind and you are caving every single time.  I’d be scared to let her have my address, honestly – too obsessive.

Post # 45
Member
45 posts
Newbee

I hope you don’t answer the door when she finally decides to come deliver the dress. Normally, I think ghosting is rude and immature. For you, I think it is appropriate.

Yes, you need to learn how to say no, stand by your decisions and not cave in. But this is waaaaaaay past ridiculous. 

A Maid/Matron of Honor should be someone who is involved in the bride’s life prior to being engaged. AKA THE BRIDE SHOULD ALREADY HAVE YOUR CONTACT INFORMATION AND HAVE SEEN YOU IN THE PAST FEW YEARS….to say the freakin’ least.

This bride sounds like someone who just cares about appearances. Which are not based in much or ANY truth at all.

Having a Maid/Matron of Honor who was a friend to the bride since elementary school? How sweet and touching! Having many bridesmaids in the bridal party? Wow, the bride has so many friends and supportive people in her life that she loves? Expensive bridesmaid dresses? Wow, the bridesmaids and the bride have excellent taste, must have a lot of money and be very successful in life!

She wants a picture perfect, bridal editorial wedding feature, and won’t stand for less.

Manipulation through crying, whining, pounding the table, harassment through texts, phone calls is not healthy. 

This is not someone who you have had a relationship with in many, many years. You are being used. And I would agree with many PPs to say: Yes you have to grin and bear it, you should have stood up for yourself and stood your ground, but I get it. This is a really freaking weird situation. Past weird. Unhealthy and stressful.

You are pregnant, so you cannot be dealing with added and unecessary stress in your life. I agree with another PP, you think you are going to give birth by X time, but what if you are late past your due date? What if (and I do not wish this on you, hope your birth of your child is healthy and easy as possible) there is an issue which requires you and/or your baby to be hospitalized longer?

I would ignore her delivering your dress. You never asked for her to purchase a dress, a $900 freaking dollar dress, for you. I would send her an email or text explaining that you can no longer be in her wedding due to needing to put your family, and child, first. Then block her.

Or just block her. Ignore calls from numbers you don’t know for awhile also.

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