(Closed) I’m more peaceful about this than I thought.

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1577 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@SleepingWithNuns:  Sorry to hear that your mom is being unreasonable.  I understand the peaceful feeling.  Sometimes when you know you’ve done all you can, you feel peaceful whether or  not you get the outcome you hoped for..

Post # 4
Member
1036 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’m sorry, I’ve been thinking of you today since reading your original post on this topic this morning.  I hope things will work out, and you will stay peaceful and enjoy the rest of your planning and your day.

Post # 5
Member
3126 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

I’m glad you cleared the air, and I am sorry that she once again ruined it! It is her choice whether or not to come, it is not her choice whether or not her friends get an invite. In that situation, the best thing you could have done was to walk away- nothing more was going to get resolved and would have just caused you further stress and pain! Good job for handling things in a mature way.

Post # 6
Member
5295 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1993

Your mom just sounds like a real peach. She’s trying to bully you by saying she won’t attend. My bet is on if you stick to your guns, she’ll eventually decide to attend, and if not, it’s probably less stress for you.

Post # 7
Member
204 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011 - ceremony in our family's Catholic church in Watsonville; reception at the Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk

Oh my, I was so hopeful in the opening of your post. I’m sad that your mom used that moment of closeness to then turn around and hurt your feelings. But, hopeful in your serenity that it will all work out for the best. * HUGS *

Post # 8
Member
532 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

It sounds like its the peace of knowing you’ve gotten everything out in the open, done all you can and there’s nothing more than can be done. 

I hope your mother comes around and decides to attend your wedding, whether or not her friends are invited. 

Post # 9
Member
532 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

It sounds like its the peace of knowing you’ve gotten everything out in the open, done all you can and there’s nothing more than can be done. 

I hope your mother comes around and decides to attend your wedding, whether or not her friends are invited. 

Post # 10
Member
142 posts
Blushing bee

There comes a time when even parents can go too far, and often enough it’s a landmark moments of becoming adults that they often do this. I eventuall became so estranged from my parents that I don’t even know where one of them lives anymore. I’m not saying that’s what you need to do, but it’s like a breakup. Sometimes someone goes so far that you know there’s no salvaging anything and you become peaceful with the knowledge because you’re so sure it’s the right thing to do. When my own mother finally went over one last line, there was much less heartache for me than for all the years of her shenanigans beforehand.

I also think that parents get this way particularly at such things as graduations (my own father told me he would have to consult with his wife before he committed coming to my graduation-mind you his wife and I had never had the least problem), and even moreso weddings, as they are the moments that what had been their child, their dependant, is becoming adult – with a marriage you really are entirely a fully fledged adult and I think that parents have a really hard  time with this and try to unduly influence/pressure you at this time in order to sort of stop time. I thnk that’s why they get so unreasonable

I’m sick with a bug and this is rambling, but I hope I’ve made sense. I do feel for you, and I know that peaceful feeling that comes when you’re just done with someone’s antics.

I also think the other bee is right that you just “leave them alone and they’ll come home wagging their tails behind them”- she’ll probably show anyways, no matter her posturing now.

Post # 12
Member
142 posts
Blushing bee

Be strong SleepingWithNuns and take comfort that you are leaving that family and creating a new one with your fiancé. He will be a great support to you. Oddly enough, my fiancé appeared in my life at the very moment I cut ties with my mother – His love has borne me up – I’m sure it will be the same for you


Post # 13
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

@mriebee: agreed!

Sorry Nuns, but hopefully, this will be the change that you need. You deserve the best!!

Post # 15
Member
1109 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Good for you for standing up for yourself… I agree that peace comes from saying “okay, I’ve done all I can, it’s time for me to just accept that this person is not going to change”. It hurts a whole lot less than putting your heart out there to get rejected every time.

Be careful though, because according to the cycle of abuse, she’s going to start trying to “make it up to you” soon.

The topic ‘I’m more peaceful about this than I thought.’ is closed to new replies.

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