(Closed) I’m murdering his parents, oh WTF…

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
987 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

This sounds really full on and needs a lot of space at the moment.  Best not to discuss it too much with your partner and try to enjoy the time you have together.  Do you know what it is from their perspective is so wrong with you?!

 

Post # 4
Member
627 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Oh dear, sweetie, I am sending out hugs via the interwebs! 

An Ex of mine’s mother called my mother and told my mom that she had to make me break up with her son because I was a Catholic whore who was trying to steal her nice Jewish son. The nice Jewish son was an Atheist long before I met him, but apparently it was all my fault. This little charade continued for five months then he broke up with me for reasons I am still not sure about (something blah, blah, being in different spaces, something) but inside I was like “Yeah, okay, and your mom hates me”

Mothers can be insane when it comes to their sons, but your Fiance seems to be sure he wants to be with you. Hopefully his mom will chill out once she realizes he isn’t caving.  

Post # 6
Member
987 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

That’s incredibly sad.. really disturbing that such prejudice still exists.  You are right that they don’t know you.  Do you feel safe at the moment?

Post # 7
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

I feel so bad for you.  It’s a really tough situation to be in.  The things family can do to one another in the name of protecting someone from what is viewed as a horrible choice, is INSANE.   My parents ran into some of the same things.  I hope you both stay strong, and resist the urge to help her along… karma gets everyone in the end!

Post # 8
Member
2321 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I remember your other post about something similar.

Just let them be. If they go berserk after hearing your name, that is their problem, not yours. Ask your bf not to mention this to you at all. This is just causing unnecessary stress to you when you can’t really do anything to rectify this situation. He should really train himself to listen from one ear and out the other.

If they feel like they are dying, just think of this as cutting their pain short. Why prolong it, right?

If the Future Mother-In-Law doesn’t want to eat or sleep or work, that’s also her loss. Her body is losing nutrition and she’s aging.

Nip this thing in the bud. Both of you get engaged/married and move on with your lives. Move States and don’t leave a forwarding address. Start your new lives together. Just. Do. It.

About you feeling that they will get a ‘hit on you’, I would take that very seriously and watch your back. That is entirely possible that they could harm you or your child. People do some insane things when they have lost their minds. If you feel afraid, make sure to find out what options you have available as a last minute resort.

Post # 9
Member
457 posts
Helper bee

My Mother-In-Law our entire engagement told us I was killing her and my Darling Husband was killing her and putting her in her grave. My SIL also went into a fit that she was going to swallow a bottle of pills.

We had to completely remove ourselves from them, that kind of talk and behaviors from Adults is very toxic and unheathly. I know it sucks and hurts a lot but you have to block that kind of talk out. You and your Fiance need major space from them. People who talk like that want attention and have serious issues that THEY need to deal with and get help.

Post # 10
Member
3709 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I haven’t read your previous posts (that I remember) but what ethnicity is your BF? His parents reaction seems VERY extreme. If his family feels that strongly about you and he is kind of appeasing you by keeping you a secret (even though not that well kept) you may want to consider backing off. My response would probably be different if you didn’t have a child. But since you do, do you really want to potentially expose her to his folks?

Post # 11
Member
1890 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I don’t want to come off as rude, but I looked at your previous posts and you posted that you can’t have children even though you really want them, and yet you say you have a child?

Just wanted a little clarification… I’m really sorry about what you’re going through.  People can be so hateful for no reason.

Post # 12
Member
4546 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

The best advice I can give to you is try to stay out of their way when they say things like that, don’t let it get between you and your SO, and communicate with him! My mother and grandmother threatened to kill themselves when Darling Husband and I got engaged because I wanted my stepfather to walk me down the aisle (my biological father died when I was 13). They’re very controlling people and were afraid of losing me (though they love my DH) and that can be very toxic. I’ve thought about when we have children (my mother is bipolar/borderline and is VERY prone to either angry or sad outbursts) and this is something I know will have to be dealt with. The best thing I can tell you is to talk, talk, talk with your SO about what you’d do in certain situations and above all, protect the relationship (and any future children).

Post # 13
Member
2373 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

At this point it’s best not to focus on them. Your fiance/boyfriend/husband shouldn’t avoid saying your name when he sees his parents- that’s a wuss move. A simple, Mom and Dad- this is how it is and if you can’t handle it I’ll come around less will suffice. He needs to put his foot down and not play the game. If he’s allowing his mother to go psychotic he’s the problem. And if he’s genuinely standing up for you and not taking any of their b.s. (which is obvious from your post he’s  not- he’s not mentioning your name) he should separate himself.

Post # 14
Member
1766 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

“I will die if you don’t do as I please” is a pretty nasty form of emotional blackmailing.  Your SO has to work this out with his parents. My mom used to resort to this sometimes when I was a teenager, because she didn’t know how to handle conflicts well. Even though I went on to live my life the way I thought was right, she never had the heart attack she was forecasting.

I’m sorry that you are in the middle of all this drama, but there really isn’t much you can do. Your SO has to put on his big boy pants and stand up to his parents.  Easier said than done, I know!  The guilt trip is a pretty powerful weapon.  One thing that helps a bit is to keep in mind that this is the adult equivalent of a toddler tantrum.

Post # 15
Member
159 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

Sounds like time to move, change phone numbers and detach!

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