Post # 1
So back story of my life: I’ve had several long-term relationships, including one that had a nasty ending and a called off marriage/engagement. I have a history of settling and dealing with bs that no one should have to deal with in a relationship (name calling, vicious arguments, verbal abuse, etc). In the past I have settled for guys that treated me like dirt. I had a relationship 2 years ago in which I had been with the guy over a year, and he talked me into a rushed engagement and wedding. After said wedding was paid for, I found out he was cheating on me and sleeping with someone else. I called the wedding off weeks before it was due to happen, lost all the deposits, etc. Nasty break up that lasted for months during which this guy harrassed me and and my family and treated me like garbage and emotionally manipulated me. My other long term relationships have been far from ideal as well, so as you can imagine my family worries about me when it comes to men. After the break up and wedding disaster, I decided to take time for myself, work on my own goals, and never allow myself to be treated badly like that again.
I have been seeing my current boyfriend for 10 months. We are absolutely happy together and get along perfect. He is a perfect gentleman, never raised his voice to me, we have never had a blow out fight, we never get on each other’s nerves. There are no red flags, no bad things in this relationship. He quickly became my best friend and we spend as much time as we can together. In short, we are perfect together and happy and I can definitely see myself spending my life with him. Both of our families get along great with us, everyone thinks he is a great guy and can tell how much he cares about me.
Things are starting to get more serious now, neither of us are young and we have talked about the future and marriage. Part of me doesn’t really care what anyone has to say about our relationship since I’m happy, but part of me is nervous to announce it to my family and possibly hear a bunch of bad reactions. At this point it’s like I’m weighing either putting off what I want and my own happiness versus waiting longer to make my family comfortable.
I don’t really know what to do. Advice anyone?
Post # 2
I do mean this in the best way and only you know what is best for your life, but 10 months is not very long. Given your past your family will most likely have concerns.
You say you are not that young. Well, if you are old enough and mature enough to get ready then you are old enough and mature enough to stand by it. You also say you are nervous. There really is not hurry. If you have reservations then wait. A great guy will still be there in a year, 3 years, 5 years, 10 years…
Post # 3
Your last relationship happened/ended sometime in the last two years, you suffered through a nasty months-long breakup, and you’ve been with your current SO for a total of ten months. This all happened incredibly fast.
I think you should chill out on an engagement and enjoy your relationship as it is at least until the 18 month mark. If things are “perfect” now you’re still deep in the honeymoon phase and should give it more time. You’ve got rose-colored glasses welded to your face right now. Unless he’s got an expiring green card or you want to be married and pregnant tomorrow, I don’t see a reason to go in head first so soon.
Post # 4
Honestly, I feel that you’re rushing. If it’s truly perfect & if he’s going to be there for the long haul then what’s so hard about waiting a little longer. I think 10months is a short time to be with someone and plan out a life given your said history.
I am truly happy for you to have found somebody who treats you as you deserve but dont focus on the next step so much that you don’t enjoy fully where you are now. After a nasty break up & what you’ve gone through it would seem best to take your time. But I wish you the very best in your decision.
Post # 5
I echo a few thoughts above: it was great that you decided after all that horror to work on your own goals, and I’m happy for you that you’ve found a chance at that long-term happiness again. The situations you were in are sometimes things that some people never get over, or move on from.
From the outside, 10 months is a short time but by itself that doesn’t have to be a big issue. Many people have that anecdotal story about friends or family members marrying after a short period of time, and have been together happily for decades.
I think the issue is more that you worry about people you care about (your family) thinking it is a short amount of time. Does it worry you that getting engaged so soon would worry them? Do you think you could justify it to them, or accept that they will worry, or wait a while longer before you get engaged?