Post # 1
Let me start off by saying that I love my Mum. She’s absolutely my rock – never lets me down. I want her to be involved in planning.
BUT. She does often get a little, well… vocal, when it comes to my weight. In the past her comments have ranged from ‘Maybe keep an eye on that?’ to ‘I’m ashamed to be seen with you in this state’. The bad stuff was only when I fought back and really riled her, which I know not to do now. And she has been getting slightly better.
Anyway, a few months ago me and her went to a wedding fayre and I wanted to try on a dress. I’m a UK size 16-18 (US 14-16) so I’m not exactly tiny, and in every store I was getting a little more bothered that nowhere seemed to cater for anything above a size 8. I wasn’t upset, exactly, just confused by it.
So my Mum started approaching the staff at each stall and loudly asking them if they had anything large enough for me because ‘I’m a big girl and feel self conscious about my body’. It was humiliating to hear her pointing at me and saying ‘you can see she’s a bigger girl, she needs something flattering’.
And when I finally DID try on a dress, she didn’t like it because I’m ‘too big’ to wear that kind of dress. Even now she’s trying to talk me into a different style, which I’m certain will be a point of contention soon.
I guess I’m just worried that she’ll do the same thing in a small shop and I’ll be just as embarassed and ashamed – only I won’t be surrounded by a thousand other people and she might be harsher. One of my resolutions has been to stop being so self conscious and try to accept my body more, so I really don’t want to ruin that good feeling.
At the same time I don’t want to go without her; she is my mum and although she makes me feel self conscious I don’t want to kick her out of something she feels is so important. Guess I just wanted to hear if any bees had a similar issue?
Post # 3
@ZebraPrintMe: Oh dear…That is such a sticky situation! My own mother is very vocal about my flaws but we don’t really get along. You certainly aren’t alone! Is telling her your feelings completely out of the question? If you don’t feel comfortable with telling her then can you have someone come along and ask them to watch over her? If she makes a comment then this other person could quickly change subjects or cover it with postive feedback?
Post # 4
@ZebraPrintMe: Are we sisters??? LOL My mom is EXACTLY the same way. And I’m bigger than you. I seriously worried my mom would do just what yours did. At my first appointment I took my mom and also a friend who is the most positive person I know. Ahead of the visit I told my friend I was worried mom would have me in tears in, like, five minutes flat. My friend stepped up and the moment I came out of the dressing room she immediately went into high praise mode and that really helped. Even when the dress looked awful and we all knew it, hearing something good was a huge help.
*hugs* to you, honey, I know just how it feels. Hang in there.
Post # 5
@ZebraPrintMe: on I know exactly how u feel! My mum is the same! I’m size 12, and for an Asian girl, 12 is quite big so she never stop reminding me how fat I am and that I need to lose weights! When I took her to do wedding dress shopping with me, we even had an argument and said she won’t attend my wedding! (she came to my wedding in the end anyways) and on the wedding day, she said to me that my makeup aren’t that good and I looked old!
My mum is like that. She never said that I’m beautiful or anything! We didn’t have a good relationship so I just stopped asking her for opinions… It’s sad but why would I ask when I already knew she will hurt my feeling anyWays?
im sorry I couldn’t give you any advice here but I just want you to know that you’re not alone and I know exactly how you feel!
sending you big big hugs. Hope things will work out for you.
Post # 6
There’s no harm in starting without your mom. You realize that things are not perfect in your relationship, and for your own sake, and safety, you have decided to start the experience on your own. And you don’t ever have to tell her. Just go try some dresses on, see what you like and what you don’t like. When you have a good sense, and feel ready to bring her in, schedule a mother-daughter appointment.
Post # 7
@ZebraPrintMe: Ugh! Mom’s can be the worst like that. I would research bridal salons in my area that have lots of different sizes. I would also talk to my mother before we go out and forbid her from mentioning my weight. You could also bring with you a supportive friend or sister who can shut your mother down if she’s getting out of line.