(Closed) I'm new!! Did anyone feel guilty bc their SO couldn't afford the ring?

posted 6 years ago in Rings
Post # 3
Member
1849 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@MrsBtoBe14:  When mine was short on money, I told him not to buy it yet. It’s the thought that counts, knowing that he sincerely would have proposed with a ring if he could was enough for me. It didn’t take too long though, because moissanite’s a steal 😉 

Post # 4
Member
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

If he truly can’t afford it, why don’t you down grade? Just get a plain band for now. You don’t need a fancy ring to be engaged, you just need a commitment.

Post # 6
Member
6741 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

I schooled my Fiance all about the moissanite so I can get any ring I want without feeling like I broke the bank.  But yes, I did feel bad.  I wouldn’t necessarily PREFER a diamond anymore, now that I know about a moissanite, I kind of prefer the moissy, but I definitely didn’t want him to work so hard for a diamond ring when there’s a perfectly acceptable solution. Are you familiar with the moissy?

As a 2nd choice, I told him I really love the peach sapphire and rose gold rings.  Also very affordable.  Not sure if this is your taste, but you can check out these rings:  http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/post-your-rose-gold-and-peach-sapphire-porn

Post # 7
Member
6256 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

Yes. The setting I wanted alone was over $5k.

I couldn’t let him put a diamond in that, even though he wanted to, without feeling horrible about myself. He would have done it, but he would have been eating Ramen Noodles for the next year. So I told him we could keep the cz that came in the ring there for now.

Post # 9
Member
6394 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

I felt bad about it, so I offered to split the cost with him. In the end, I think I ended up paying more on it than he did, but he pays towards other things. We merged finances about a year later, so it wasn’t a big deal for me to help pay. 

Post # 10
Member
461 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

When my FH and I started to talk about getting married and actually went to go look at rings, his credit was awful. He could not get a credit card to save his life. So I kept telling him, I don’t need anything big or fancy, I could live with a ring pop. It wasn’t about the ring to me. 

While ring shopping, we went to a variety of stores that showed us a variety of rings in varying amounts. One store had a ring that I could have lived with, it’s something I always thought I wanted, three stone emerald cut ring. The diamonds in it were not the greatest and the quality of the ring not the best but I didn’t really give it too much thought. Well that same trip we went into a more expensive shop and I of course saw a ring that was way out of any price I wanted him to pay but that was absolutely gorgeous, just about flawless and much more fancier than I dreamed of.

Time passed and I kept telling him, I would be okay with the ring pop or a simple band. I just wanted to be with him for the rest of my life. Meanwhile, he was working crazy hours. I mean like 12 to 14 hour days, six days a week. I thought it was just so we could save up for a house. Well turns out the man was killing himself working to pay cash for my ring. It took him eight months and I can’t even tell you how many hours of him working, but he has paid off my ring. Of course it was the better quality, more expensive ring. When I asked him why, he told me he couldn’t settle with something he didn’t see as a better value. Plus he said he saw my face when I looked at the ring and he said he knew he had to because that face was what he loves, my happy and I love this man so much face.

Do I still feel guilty that he paid so much and worked so hard to get me my dream ring? Oh you better believe it but on the other hand, I know how much I mean to him. And I look at this ring and I know all the trouble he went to to get for me and I make my I am so happy and I love that man so much face 🙂

Post # 13
Member
207 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

It made me feel horrible! I gave him all this affordable options, but he spent every last dime he had on a diamond ring. He’s paying back loans and now entering graduate school. I still feel really bad about it, but he never made me feel bad and told me I deserved it, so I am a lucky girl! I understand the guilt though.

Post # 14
Member
3624 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Would you consider postponing engagement until you achieve financial stability after graduation?

Post # 15
Member
1021 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Yikes, no. The last thing my Fiance or I wanted was to go into debt over a ring. He put mine on his AmEx and paid it off at the end of the month.

Can you explain to your boyfriend that he can still “have” you even if he gets you a less expensive ring?  He can always get you a nicer ring down the road when you can afford it. 

Post # 16
Member
743 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

It really depends on your situation and priorities. In our situation if Fiance had bought me a big expensive ring I’d have taken it straight back to the shop. Never mind saying yes, its him I want to marry for who he is and if he didn’t know better than to keep it in the realms of immediate affordability then he needs to rethink XD 

After 7 years together though Fiance knew what was important to me and his only opinion on the ring was that I should be happy with it. 

The wedding dress I fell in love with was a glorious designer midnight blue purple concoction, with a skirt big enough to shame the french court. It was about £4000 (nearly $6000). Like the dutiful Fiance he pointed out if we were good with other areas of the budget we could afford it within the budget and he would pay for it to make me happy. At the end of the day though objects don’t make me as happy as being financially stable does and that for me means always coming in under budget so theres some left over for a rainy day. 

Some people dreamed of a showstopper ring or dress and for them it’s worth it to save up and get it. I don’t begrudge anyone that 🙂 though it’s not for me. I dream of nice but affordable things. A mix of a little luxury and a little DIY. Of being able to pay for things, and do things all by myself if need be, to never have to rely on other people, including credit. 

I spent a long time in my overdraft through both my times at uni and earning our way out of debt so we could replace my ring with a still relatively modest platinum (i have allergies to most metal) and moissanite one was one of the best feelings ever. 

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