(Closed) I'm new!! Did anyone feel guilty bc their SO couldn't afford the ring?

posted 9 years ago in Rings
Post # 17
Member
684 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

It really depends on your situation and priorities. In our situation if Fiance had bought me a big expensive ring I’d have taken it straight back to the shop. Never mind saying yes, its him I want to marry for who he is and if he didn’t know better than to keep it in the realms of immediate affordability then he needs to rethink XD 

After 7 years together though Fiance knew what was important to me and his only opinion on the ring was that I should be happy with it. 

The wedding dress I fell in love with was a glorious designer midnight blue purple concoction, with a skirt big enough to shame the french court. It was about £4000 (nearly $6000). Like the dutiful Fiance he pointed out if we were good with other areas of the budget we could afford it within the budget and he would pay for it to make me happy. At the end of the day though objects don’t make me as happy as being financially stable does and that for me means always coming in under budget so theres some left over for a rainy day. 

Some people dreamed of a showstopper ring or dress and for them it’s worth it to save up and get it. I don’t begrudge anyone that 🙂 though it’s not for me. I dream of nice but affordable things. A mix of a little luxury and a little DIY. Of being able to pay for things, and do things all by myself if need be, to never have to rely on other people, including credit. 

I spent a long time in my overdraft through both my times at uni and earning our way out of debt so we could replace my ring with a still relatively modest platinum (i have allergies to most metal) and moissanite one was one of the best feelings ever. 

Post # 18
Member
955 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

i knew he didnt have a lot of money, and to propose he took me to ireland, so i made sure he knew i didnt want a huge ring. my e-ring is sparkly but not giant and i am ok with it!

Post # 19
Member
2560 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I choose an antique ring that fit his budget and I loved.

Post # 20
Member
913 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

No… But  I knew he couln’t really afford it. We agreed to get engaged without a fancy ring to start the rest of our lives together. A week later, BAM, he proposes with a diamond ring. It’s not a huge diamond, I think .3 or .5 in total, but it’s beautiful and so sparkly, and still a diamond ring! He got the style I liked and everything, a solitaire. He put his debt on hold to get me this… WOW <3

 

Post # 21
Member
12301 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I wouldn’t feel guilty about it, but personally, I may start to doubt him if he did something like that.  That is a a very financially bad move and I dont care if its for a ring or a car or what… at that point in life, when you dont have a lot of money, to blow everything on a ring is irresponsible and, I’m sorry, but it sort of seems desprate.  If you two are truely meant to be he shouldnt be afraid to lose you if he doesnt put a ring on it asap.  He has you… you two just need to be in better financial situation to buy a piece of jewelery. 

Post # 22
Member
60 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

If you feel guilty, don’t let him do it. It is not a good financial decision for him. You don’t want him to go in debt over a ring. Let him get what he can afford and you can always upgrade and/or get a really nice wedding band.

I let my Fiance know that I did not want him to go in debt for a ring or stress himself out to get me some huge ring that I may or may not scratch or possibly lose. I told him to get the ring he could afford if he really felt it was necessary to propose to me. I’m pretty simple, all I wanted was a solitaire, princess cut, white gold band ring (though titanium or platinum would have been nice!). He got me just that. Its a small diamond, the clarity isn’t so good, but I love it just the same. I look at it everyday like its the best thing since sliced bread.

Post # 23
Member
195 posts
Blushing bee

i dont think the ring is that important. i would rather he spend the money on something more  appropriate than the ring. you  can tell him to buy a cheap one now for you and when he earn more money in the future he can buy you a proper one

Post # 25
Member
747 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

@MrsBtoBe14:  Regarding your last question, no. The size of the ring has no correlation to how much he “wants you.” First, you are not an object to be bought. Second, it is the fact that someone asks you to marry them that makes you engaged, not the size/type of the ring on your finger.

Coming from another soon to be engaged college student, just buy what you can afford. There are tons of great options that are under 1000, 500, or even 100 dollars. Also, remember that you could count this ring as a present for Christmas, your anniverary etc. that way you save money over time.

Post # 26
Member
1271 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Stoppy32

Yes yes yes totally agree, thank you for taking the words right out of my mouth! I find it terribly offensive to consider this in terms of “how much I want you!!!”
My SO and I are grad students, and yeah, our budget is like $100. We agreed on thsi together. The ring has been purchased, and even given the very modest price, we’re considering it a joint birthday/anniversary present. That’s just our financial reality, and it doesn’t mean he wants me any less.

 

Post # 27
Member
31 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2015

I totally understand where you are coming from. My SO works ALOT and brings in a decent amount of money but we have 2 school aged children and tons of bills. He doesnt have a lot of money afterwards for major purchases. We went ring shopping over the weekend and he told me I can get whatever I want. But I ended up settling for a 1/4 ct solitaire that was $600 after the taxes and warranty instead of the larger ring I had my eye on that was a few hundred more. I would have felt horrible spending that much money on a ring that he really doesnt have the money for. He seemed a little upset that I picked a smaller ring, maybe he feels like he will be embarrassed giving me the smaller ring. But to be honest at the end of the day and when the proposal is all said and done its not about the ring. It about the fact that I will be one step closer to marrying my best friend. I told him i wasnt really worried about it, and that if he wanted he could always upgrade as an anniversary gift one year. Its understandable to feel guilty. You dont want to put them in debt over a ring, its more so about the fact that he wants to marry you. Not about how big the rock is.

Post # 29
Member
28 posts
Newbee

@futuremrsk18:  This.

I really couldn’t care about a ring and I sure don’t want my man to spend so much money he can’t pay bills, like some people I know.  I’d take a twisty tie but of course my SO wants to get a beautiful ring. We have chosen to go with moissanite as it is beautiful and a fraction of the cost of a real diamond. There are way more important things in life than an expensive diamond, especially when you don’t have much money in the bank.

Post # 30
Member
206 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

We were originally trying to stay under $5,000 for all three rings. I picked the setting and left the diamond up to him. I think he paid right around $5,000 on the diamond alone, about $7,500 for just my set. He chose a plain titanium band and I found it on Overstock for $53. So we did go over budget, but I don’t consider that “my” doing. He made the choice to spend that much on the particular diamond when there were others that were smaller and cheaper (though still in my .75 size range – he got me a .81). He liquidated his 401k to pay for it and pays back on it out of each paycheck. The interest rate was cheaper than financing it through the store. So while we did go over budget, it wasn’t something we couldn’t afford. I do still feel a teeny bit guilty though.

Post # 31
Member
1617 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Well, my fi would get me anything I wanted if I asked and we had the money but he really does not care about rings or jewelry all that much so he left it up to me to pick out a ring I liked.  I got a simple non-diamond ring that I loved and when it was time, I showed him the ring my heart truly desired (that sounds so corny) and he told me to use the debit card and get it.  So I did but it took me a lot of hemming and hawing as I love my current ring.  

But in the end I got what I wanted and it was in our budget.  I could not nor would i feel comfortable wearing a ring that was thousands of dollars.  We have 3 kids… better things to spend our money on (including the wedding 😉

In your situation, could you maybe help out and pay for the ring as well.  If you don’t mind going that route, I thin kit would be nice.

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