(Closed) I'm new!! Did anyone feel guilty bc their SO couldn't afford the ring?

posted 9 years ago in Rings
Post # 32
Member
167 posts
Blushing bee

There is no need to get into debt to get an engagement ring.  My sister’s Fiance was working and going to school when he asked her to marry him.  He couldn’t afford a ring, but he saved for a few months and was able to get her a very simple ring for $100.  It’s not her dream ring, but she knows a time will come when they can upgrade together.

If you want to be engaged but you think money is a problem, then maybe consider scaling back what you are looking for. πŸ™‚

Post # 33
Member
1271 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Hey OP I just wanted so say, there are so many good options out there for “cheap” rings! have you considered Etsy? There is beautiful artisan jewelry on there for hundreds, not thousands. And if you’re at all interested in going the vintage route, we ordered my ring from a vintage seller – it is solid 10K gold and real diamonds, and it was literally $85 plus shipping! I know it’s unusual, but rest assured there are countless classic rings available there πŸ™‚ This is just to give you an idea of how far a little bit of money can go.

Post # 34
Member
85 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

The only money my fiance put in for my ring was to have it sized.  And honestly?  I wouldn’t have been happy any other way.  We’d been dating a year and just KNEW we were meant to be together.  Neither of us wanted to wait a year or two to save up money for a ring, so I mentioned it to my mom and we spent a fun evening going through her rings and the rings she inherited from my grandmothers.  In the end, my mom asked if I would want her original engagement ring and I said yes.  It is absolutely perfect for me–a vibrant green tourmaline surrounded by a diamond leaf halo in white gold.  

SO and I are working on not living paycheck to paycheck, and after he declared bankruptcy last year and I cashed out my emergency fund to fix my car, a big ring just wasn’t in the picture.  He felt guilty about not being able to buy me a ring, but once he understood the meaning behind my mom’s ring (they had very humble beginnings and are going on 30 yrs of wedded bliss next June), he was happy that we could put our money towards the wedding, honeymoon, saving for a house, and medical bills for a baby (he wants to TTC as soon as we say “I do” lol).  Things have begun to turn around for us financially, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Plus, the less he spends on an e-ring = the more we can spend on wedding rings.  To me, that ring is way more important anyway!  πŸ˜‰

Post # 35
Member
85 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@MrsSnowMountain:  Love your ring!!!  It’s so unique and feminine! πŸ™‚

Post # 36
Member
3683 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I think it’s good that you feel guilty, because it’s a sign that deep down, you know he shouldn’t do this.  Spending everything he has, even getting a loan, all for a ring is terribly impractical, and a bad financial move.  

Post # 37
Member
1682 posts
Bumble bee

I don’t feel guilty because my SO didn’t go into debt- he gave me a budget of $8,000-$10,000 for my engagement ring alone and I chose my wedding set which was $2500. Even that amount of money scares me! I would never ask him to spend more than he was comfortable with, because as long as it sparkles and I love it, who cares what it cost?

Post # 38
Member
29 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2012

My fiance is in law school so he clearly doesn’t have much money other than student loans. He got my ring from Zales. It is nice but definitely not my dream ring, but I can live the ring doesn’t mean a whole lot to me…it was more the commitment than anything. Also, I know that once he starts working and we get established I will eventually get the ring of dreams!

Post # 39
Member
50 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

My fiance bought me a house first! LOL – Okay, just being funny but it’s true. When he proposed to me it was WHAM out of nowhere. We had bought the house in June and he went to Kuwait for 4 weeks. When he returned we spent the next few weeks working around the clock on the new house (paint, new flooring, etc.) and we finally settled in by August. We had a hurricane and that morning he woke me up by whispering next to the bed that he loved me. When I opened my eyes and saw the ring I was COMPLETELY blindsided. I never went ring shopping with him and honestly we hadn’t talked about marriage. Crazy since we had this new house right? He and I both knew on our first date that we would be together and that we’d be married. I just thought it would be several more months before we got engaged. ANYWAY, my whole point is that I had no say in the ring. It’s a 5 stone band and the center stone was his grandmothers. It’s nowhere near what I wanted (then again he never asked) but it’s mine all the same. I think we get too caught up in every detail being important and we forget that ultimately the only details that matter are the ones you invest in one another. My engagement wasn’t what I dreamed it would be (seriously ladies, I was looking ROUGH and had morning breath) but when I asked him why he picked RIGHT THEN he said “It just felt like the right time” – all the planning and romantic settings couldn’t replace how cute it was to see the look on his face. The crazy thing is that he had the ring for about a month and had gotten it made before he left in June! 

I also sorta believe that you should get what you want the first time around. Why not see if your mother (or grandmother, etc.) has a ring that is meaningful to them that you can wear as a placeholder and just set aside a reasonable amount until your goal is accomplished? Instead of paying a ring off in months or a year take longer and get the one you like. It may mean a lot to a family member if you “borrow” a placeholder too. (maybe wear it on your right hand on your wedding day as your “something borrowed”) 

Sorry to get off on a tangent. LOL – hope this helps! 

 

April

Post # 40
Member
1248 posts
Bumble bee

If I were you in your situation, I would STRONGLY let my Fiance know that the ring doesn’t matter as much to me as the promise and commitment. Blowing his money on a ring PLUS getting loans seems very immature to me and definitly not a smart move towards your future together. I would never feel guilty that my husband couldn’t afford something I wanted because I would never ask or expect something that was way out of price range.

Many other bees have said to get a smaller, less expensive ring that you can upgrade later. I think that is a great idea but personally, I could never upgrade my ring because I’m extremely sentimental. If you don’t want to upgrade, think outside the box. Moissanite is a great alterntive and had I known about it before my husband proposed to me, I would have wanted one. I have a .5 princess cut solitaire. No, it is not the biggest diamond but the meaning and promise behind that diamond mean more to me than anything else in this world, including a bigger diamond.

So don’t worry so much about the ring, get excited because you’re about to be engaged to the man you love!

Post # 41
Member
1271 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

stace0616

Aww thank you! I picked it because it’s eerily similar, almost the double to my great-grandmother’s ring which was passed down, but it’s way too fragile to actually wear, and its stones are dark and cracked by now. It would have cost more to re-make than we spent on the new (-ish, haha) ring pictured above. I had to jump on this one because it’s vintage and I’ll probably never see another one like it, that’s so close to the original ring! I’m a little jealous of people who are lucky enough to wear actual heirlooms, such a sign that you are loved! πŸ™‚

Post # 42
Member
2294 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Why not consider a ring from etsy. Many beautiful options! What about a less expensive stone like aquamarine, or moissy, or a lab created gem (they are gorgeous and many times easier on the wallet), or asha, cz…. So many options out there. Then, in a few years, if u both wanted to, upgrade to your dream ring. 

Post # 43
Member
191 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

My fiance also had a hard time paying for mine. I didnt tell him what type of ring I liked or anything, he kinda just went out and surprised me with it. If I would have known he was going to propose I would have told him to get me something wayyyy smaller. We could always get a different one another time. He ended up taking out a small loan to pay the remainder of it and still has to finish paying that off. It just showed me a lot that he would go to that length to make me happy. He could have gotten me a cubic zarconia(spell check?) for all I care πŸ™‚ Its the thought that counts. You have a keeper Laughing

Post # 44
Member
1839 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

why don’t you contribute money toward the ring? we both paid for my ring since all my stuff would be his and his would be mine eventually anyway.

remind him that by going into debt, he is also affecting YOUR financial future… not just his own.

Post # 45
Member
124 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

My fiance was having financial problems when he proposed to me. His budget was around $300 and we were able to find a nice ring that weekend. He was able to pay off my ring right away. It was a less expensive ring but what is the point of having a $2500 rock on my finger if he is struggling to pay for it? I just got the center stone upgraded to 4 times the size of the original diamond last week and we are slowly working our way up to a carat! (a carat looks already gynormous on my tiny finger so I will stop there lol) He said, instead of giving me jewelry from Kay every xmas, he will just get me a bigger diamond each time lol 

Honestly the only thing that matters is the meaning behind the ring. But at the same time, you should find a ring that you love within your budget since you will have it forever. Unless you decide to upgrade. I only upgraded the center stone because the ring means a lot to me and my fiance did admit that he would be hurt if I decide to get another ring. 

Here is my ring with the original 1/20?.. diamond 

 

I will post the pic upgraded ring when I get it back this Saturday =) 

PS sorry for the big pic, I don’t know how to resize it! 

Post # 46
Member
2884 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Dammit.. I just wrote out my entire post and weddingbee deleted it! Poo.

Anyways, the gist was that I wanted a big, custom ring, but I was more than willing to go with moissanite. I also didn’t feel guilty because I helped pay for at least half the ring considering that we share finances. We both go to college, and don’t come from money, but we made my dream ring come true by saving for 1.5yr.

Life is all about compromise. Get a big ring, wait longer. Get a big ring, forgo a designer wedding dress.

I believe that women should be more willing to help buy the ring, if they want something particularly expensive for their financial situation. But, within reason, most any dream ring can become a reality with a lot of planning and cut-backs.

The topic ‘I'm new!! Did anyone feel guilty bc their SO couldn't afford the ring?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors