Post # 31
Perhaps don’t reply to her question and just ask why you weren’t a bridesmaid to begin with if she wanted you to do all this stuff? Doesn’t sound like a great friendship to me. Sorry bee! I just think you deserve to be treated better if you are the friend who is reliable! Looks like she takes you for granted.
Post # 32
Doesn’t matter how good at organizing you are.
Doesn’t matter how busy you are.
You are not in the bridal party.
You never offered to host any party for her.
No explanations to her are needed AT ALL.
Post # 33
“Not sure why you made such a lofty assumption about someone who isn’t in your bridal party planning any part of your wedding events. Sounds like your frustration is misdirected. Perhaps your bridesmaids could help you with that. Good luck!”
Is what I’d say. Bitch needs to be put in her place
Post # 34
gypsymermaid : OP, what did you end up telling her?
Post # 35
You Bees are way more polite than I would be! My response would be “you’re kidding, right?”
Post # 36
Now is an EXCELLENT time to create boundaries in an important relationship!
Say to her, “I know you are upset about not having a hen do, but as I am not in the bridal party, it is not my responsibility to plan or attend it. I will happily help you with other crafts, but the onus is on you to discuss your party with your bridesmaids.”
People will treat you how you let them. The only way to live in any kind of peace is to create firm boundaries with people, even ones we love.
Post # 37
i think its kinda rude for her to expect her friends outside her bridal party to help her out so much with her wedding and help plan things like a hen do.
if her response is her bridal party is too busy with kids, family, etc to help her, then maybe she should have reconsidered her choices.
although you did shoot yourself in the foot by telling the bridal party and her earlier that you would help with anything if asked. Maybe she is now remembering that and is the reason she is coming to you.
Post # 38
Thank you everyone your advise has been great. I took a good few hours to reply and ended up sleeping on it as I didn’t want to reply whilst being a bit angry.
I ended up replying this morning with a few snippets of what you guys have said. This was my reply.
“I’m sorry to hear you’re disappointed nobody has planned your hen. I didn’t want to step on anyone’s toes since typically this is something one or all of the Bridesmaids would plan. I did speak to ‘bridesmaid1’ and ‘bridesmaid2’ a few months back and said to let me know if they want any help, i was by no means offering to plan it just thought they might ask me to make something crafty like some of them diy hen party bags similar to those i made at ‘bridesmaid1’s wedding. They didn’t take me up on the offer so I had no reason to believe anything was expected of me”
She replied saying “Yeah that’s fair enough hope you didn’t think I was having a go” …but since that conversation me and a couple of other none bridesmaid friends have been added into the bridesmaid group chat they are all panicking about what ‘we’ can all quickly plan. I think the bride might have told them to get me involved I’m not sure. I know the purpose of adding me to the chat was to try push me to plan it but I played dumb and said “Sounds great guys let me know what you decide to plan and I’ll try my best to make it”
They then asked if I was ‘still making hen party bags’! Told them no I would of been happy to make them with a few months notice but nobody replied to my offer so took that as a no, and that I won’t have time now that I’m busier with work.
That’s it now I’m muting the group chat and staying out of it, the older I get the more I realise sometimes you just need to be selfish and sat no.
Post # 39
gypsymermaid : Declining something that someone is unreasonably trying to impose upon you is not being selfish. I fall into the same trap, a lot of women do.
Post # 40
Well done! Sounds like you have it handled. Nice job at playing dumb. I wouldn’t even attend the party at this point even if they do plan something haha. gypsymermaid :
Post # 42
Well done! Way to set limits!
Post # 43
This is an awesome update!!!
Post # 45
gypsymermaid : They didn’t take me up on the offer so I had no reason to believe anything was expected of me”
I mostly liked your response, but I fear the above gave her the impression that now that you had been put on notice, something is expected of you. In hindsight, I think it would have been better to stress that she had no right to expect anything of you (or any of her bridal party- this is an elective event) rather than imply she or the other women erred only in not telling you what was expected. If that makes sense. Clearly she does think you owe her something because she added you to the bridal party group chat which I think is SUPER tacky. Also love the, are you “still” making gift bags…sigh.
I’d opt out the group chat if I were you, OP. Maybe just send a message that you’re pulling out of the group to avoid getting too many notifications on updates and they should just let you know when the plans are finalized…