Post # 1
So I’ve been considering starting Mr Bees pact but there is one glitch… Spending time with girl friends. Problem? I don’t have any. But please let me explain. I’ve moved over 30 times in the 24 years I’ve been alive. I’ve met wonderful people along the way but haven’t lived in this place since I was in the fifth grade. But nearly 3 years ago I moved back to my hometown.
I am a single mom and started working all the time, that with school, meeting my SO and getting to know him and becoming friends with all of his friends, I have had no time whatsoever to find my own friends. And here’s the problem… I work, I take care of my kid and spend time with my SO, when and how could I possibly meet any friends? Work?
I work with newish people now (been here almost 2 years now) but at my work, they are almost all on drugs and I’m pretty old fashioned, what they talk about really creeps me out, they are very vulgar here. So work is out of the question on meeting people. So then what do you do?
The two reasons I ask this… One, I can’t really go have “girls night” with just myself and two… SO even mentioned when we do get married, I will need bridesmaids. I’ve mentioned my best friends and my hopes that we can fly them to the wedding but unfortunately my two best friends over the years, we all live on opposite sides of the country. One in Oregon, one in Michigan and one in South Carolina.. So what now? I want to start the pact but I kind of am at a bit of a standstill not sure where to go from here…
It would be much easier to try and meet people if I wasn’t so busy all the time with ballet for my girl, work, my SO, (online) school, two dogs and family… I wish they would add more hours to the day…
Any advice? It was pretty… pathetic sounding when SO said I need to make friends for the wedding
Post # 3
You are not pathetic! Actually I am in a similiar boat with friends and constantly moving. I know you said you are super busy with day to day life things but my suggestion would be to try to pencil in some you time…. to go to the gym or a class or look into some other activity you have an interest in and try to do that activity twice a month and eventually you will meet people. Also meeting other moms through your daughter could be an idea. Im sorry if this wasnt all that helpful.
Post # 4
First of all , I don’t think you should make friends so they can be your bridesmaids- that’s not the point of bridesmaids. Ask your best friends- even if they live all over like you said. You may not have a shower because they don’t live nearby and that would be a big expense and difficult to manage from far away. Maybe they could come a few days early and have a bachelorette party.
Have you tried taking classes at the gym to meet people? Or maybe joining a book club at the library or taking a wine tasting or cooking class? I don’t really have many suggestions for meeting friends. Luckily I have close friends from work, not sure what I’d do if there weren’t girls from work. Good luck!
Post # 5
Thank you ladypeace! Your comment was very helpful. The gym is perfect, the doctor has even recommended doing cardio at a gym to help my lungs, I’ve just lacked the time and motivation, but to get this pact on the ball, maybe that’s just what I need, not to mention it says so in the pact 🙂
I guess I do have a few friends, and some of those have kids that are friends with my daughter. But I’m 24 going on 25 and they are all 35 to 45. My SO just laughs about the age difference, any time I really get along with someone there always seems to be a big age gap. I guess it doesn’t matter their age, but it makes it sound worse that I can’t find friends my own age lol…
I’ll try the gym maybe tonight when I’m off work. I’ll just ask him to drop me off, give me a little alone peaceful time, but that’s not the point shoot.. The point is not to be alone 🙁 lol… This is gonna be harder than I thought.
Post # 6
celticbride, sorry if my post seemed as if I were trying to meet people only for the bridesmaid part but it’s not. I’d like to start Mr Bees pact which includes going out with your friends, which I have a hard time doing considering what few friends atm I do have do nothing but the same that I do. Work, sleep take care of kid and dogs, clean etc… Which is fine, the girls I know here are so kind and wonderful but they’re people that I only see every now and then. Acquaintences I guess you could call them, but ver good ones 🙂 For my Maid/Matron of Honor I plan to have two. Even though we aren’t officially engaged SO knows this. My best friends from high school one whom I haven’t seen in 10 year but both of which I talk to weekly. But I will want/need 2-3 more for bridesmaids. But that’s not the main reason I would like to meet people.
The main three reasons…
One: To start on Mr Bees Pact
Two: So I don’t look pathetic to my SO any more when he talks about me needing to make friends
And mostly 3: So I can spend just a touch less time watching How it’s made and listening to “guy talk” and can spend a little more time discussing things that are more interesting to me
Post # 7
I don’t plan on having a wedding party at all, and I do have friends – albeit it most are male. I do know bridesmaids help to some extent (traditionally paying for a wedding shower, for example), but other than that do they even really do much other than stand there and look beautiful? I’d just pick out some witnesses to sign the marriage license and leave it at that if it’s a concern or if you’re fearful you won’t have enough bridesmaids.
But onto other stuff: going to the gym is an excellent idea. Don’t wear an iPod! While you’re working out, if someone gets onto the machine next to you and they’re not listening to music, try to strike up a little conversation. If there are TVs on and they appear to be idly watching, make a comment about what’s on. At my gym, I overhear enough conversations to know that plenty of women met friends by GOING to the gym (whom they now work out with) – they aren’t just friends who decided to join a gym together.
Believe it or not, there are actually search sites (like dating sites) to find friends. Consider filling out a profile! It may seem a little antisocial but it’s worth it. You could also consider looking for play groups in your area to meet other mothers, or volunteering at schools, daycare, or recreation teams (sports teams) to meet other parents and mothers, if you have the time (which, since you work, this may not be ideal).
Post # 8
Thanks cupcakequeen, your advice is great! For the bridesmaids, I’m not interested in a bridal shower at all really. I think my SO wants me to have them for help with the DIYs, he’s not very crafty and thinks it’s all “chick” things, so he wants me to find “chicks” to do it with as opposed to asking him about ribbons beads and bows all the time. Other than that… Mostly I’m worried my two friends wont be able to make it considering how far they live and that one is a mother, it’s hard to travel with a child so they might not even be able to make it. But I’m hoping.
I guess it doesn’t matter if we don’t have a wedding party, and if we do I guess I could ask his friends girl friends and such to be a part if it comes down to it, or cousins. The wedding party although it somewhat priority for me, it really comes down to the fact that I need to make more female friends, to kind of give myself an identity seperate from him and the home life we have. I think this will help in the progress of the engagement as well as other aspects of life really.
Off to the gym tonight… Oh wait it’s Easter and a small town, I doubt they will be open. well off to the gym tomorrow to see what it’s all about. Hopefully I make it out in one peice. I’m not the most… Physically fit person haha.
Post # 9
I didn’t want to start yet another thread but I’m not the happiest of waiting bees at the moment. I am starting to realize that all of this time I sit here and spend thinking and hoping and dreaming of being married to him, he spends that same ammount of time and then some thinking about himself and things that he does that does not include me. Now while I do agree he should have his own outlets, his own places to go and be him, all and I mean ALL he has wanted to talk about this last month or so is his interest, all he wants to do is his hobby, all he thinks or plans for.
He’s supposed to be saving for a ring. So I go ahead since I have a little extra money right now, I pay a couple of bills that we typically split. Hoping maybe he will use the extra 300 to put toward the ring, or at least a little bit of it. He even said at first “Well I’m at least going to buy you something” so I drop the hint about the ring. Well instead he’s now talking about all of these new things he wants for his music.
I guess it’s about time I set a time line. I was opposed to the idea at first, but really maybe it’s the only way to keep me sane at this juncture. I can’t wait around forever, can’t do that to myself or my child.
I had hopes of doing the pact, of going and meeting new people, getting back to the way he and I were. And I’ve been acting on it, I’vew been living the pact so far… But I don’t know if I even should. He’s so worried about getting his own hobbies off the ground, the last thing on his mind right now seems to be proposing to me…
But many of us waiting bees, during this phase, go through at least one time of doubt… Hopefully this is no more than that… Hopefully I’m just imagining the distance that seems to slowly grow… It was so perfect, it still is. But it can’t continue without the commitment, my conscience and my child need more than that.
Post # 10
Do you live in a decent-sized city? If so, there are probably Meetup.com groups that would offer some opportunities to meet like-minded ppl.
In my area, there are Meetup.com groups for “girls night out”, book clubs and activity groups.